


A Family We Chose For Ourselves

by Reiven



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Eva and Jonas Are Friends, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Girls Being Friends And Having Each Others Backs, Hurt/Comfort, Injured Chris, M/M, Whump, William and Chris are Best Friends, Worried Eva, Worried William
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-09-09 20:39:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 49,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8911159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reiven/pseuds/Reiven
Summary: The Penetrators and Yakuza rivalry run much deeper and more dangerous than anyone thought possible, until one of them ends up paying a heavy price. Chris was on his way to the Kose group Christmas party that night.He never made it there.FINAL CHAPTER UP: Eva.





	1. Kosegruppa

“So you and Chris, huh?”

The voice is awkwardly familiar, Eva doesn’t know whether to turn around and smile courteously or gather up her skirt and curtsy the fuck out of there. They separated on good terms and have been on good terms since the breakup, some people might even say a little too good a term, by some people she means Noora.

She was pissed that Jonas went down under on some random third year hoe he just met, but she got over it, after all she was the one who suggested the break up, what he did (and who he did) after that really shouldn't concern her that much.  _It still did_. He was her first love and the person she thought would be her only love, which was wistful and naive thinking on her part. But somewhere deep inside her heart, she loved him still.

When she and Chris…hooked up? Started making out a regular thing? Met outside of school on non-school related occasions without other people around? Sometimes in the corner at a party, sometimes in the backroom of a club. Making out, getting to first base, then second, then almost third. Watching the corner of his eyes crinkle when he smiled, seeing the smile that had been directed at a multitude of other girls over the years, deep down feeling and hoping that the smile directed at her was different, special somehow. That the eyes that roamed up and down her body wasn’t just looking for a casual fling or a midnight hook up, that maybe when he looked at her he saw  _Eva_. The awkward Eva that was terrible at math but cooked a pretty mean spaghetti. The Eva that had too much an affinity for scarves and beanies. The Eva that loved so hard she would often become her own worst enemy. The Eva that at one point had hoped that she and Jonas would be one of the few fairy tale endings that lived their happily ever after.

Jonas was now practically a stranger. Someone she’d see casually walking past her in the hallways at school laughing at something Magnus had said, or laughing at Magnus himself. Sharing a look with Isak that she came to the painful realization that she could no longer interpret. She had been so good at reading both Jonas and Isak at one point but now they were both strangers to her. She only knew that Isak was in an actual relationship with a guy only because of the rumour mill at school. At one point she might have been the first person Isak confided in. That hurt more than she ever thought it would. Maybe in a way, slightly more than Isak telling everyone and Jonas about her hook up with Chris.

There was nothing else between Jonas and her besides memories of the happier times they once shared, so why did that simple question make her feel so guilty?

Speaking of Chris tho, where the fuck was he?

Gathering up the last strands of her nerves before they failed her entirely, Eva swiftly twirled around to face Jonas. God, he still looked so good. Even in that hideous sweater.

“Umm, yeah, I guess so. Who would have thunk right? Certainly not me, _nope_.” Eva was sure that last part came out far too high pitched and giggly as she placed a little too much emphasis elongating the _nope_. She downs a gulp of beer with perhaps a little too much vehemence.

Jonas chuckles. The sound is like the most beautiful dagger stabbing Eva right in the solar plexus. “No, not many people would have thought that. Me least of all, especially with Chris Schistad of all people. You know, they call him Penetrator Chris for a reasons.”

Eva wasn’t sure whether that was meant to be a casual tease or an insult. She takes it as neither and downs the last remnant of her beer. This was getting far too awkward far too quickly and seriously where the fuck was Chris? He should have arrived like 23 minutes ago, not that she was keeping count or anything. The fact that Chris actually agreed to come was a surprising fact in itself. The only thing this party had in common with most of his regular hang outs was the beer, which Eva was in serious need of at the moment.

Jonas seems to sense her discomfort and awkwardness because his entire demeanour turns serious when he calls her attention back to him. “Just…are  _you_  happy? I mean, does he _make_ you happy?”

The question throws her for a second and she actually has to think about her answer.  _Does he?_  She thinks about the first time they met, her dragging him off the dance floor and into the girls bathroom and the stifling awkward 3 or so minutes that followed in which Eva didn’t know whether to start crying or hope that the ground would open up and swallow her whole. She eventually opts for the third option, pretend nothing happened and get the fuck out of there as quickly as she can. She hears Chris calling out something to her as she’s ascending the stairs but she doesn’t stop to listen. She’s already writing a eulogy to the remnants of her already dwindling school reputation and after tonight she’s pretty sure Ingrid and her posse will have a field day with her shame.

But it’s never brought up again. Vilde and  _her_  Chris invite her to join their Kose group and she meets Sana and Noora who turn out to be the coolest people she has ever met in her life. Life was actually starting to feel good,  _and then_  of course he had to turn up; walking across the school yard towards their general direction. Of course, fate could never be that fair to her. She’s already bracing herself when he approaches, waiting for the inevitable call out and the embarrassment that was sure to follow, but he just passes by with a smile and a hello and Eva almost wants to call him back to ask if she heard right. But then Sana’s yanking her out of her dream world and telling her about Chris and William and the perpetrators or whoever and Vilde looks far to gleeful and excited for someone who just 2 seconds ago was about to kick Sana to the curb. Even saying the words  _kick, Sana_  and  _curb_  in a sentence broke a myriad of laws of nature and self-preservation.

Once again Eva finds herself in the middle of the upbeat Kose Christmas party, a jolly Christmas song in playing in the background and over that someone is singing along but replacing 90 percent of the lyrics with swearwords and sexual positions that should never be uttered in polite company. The voice sounds suspiciously like Eskilds’.

Jonas’ question is still hanging in the air between them and Eva tries to think; does he? Does Chris make her happy the way Jonas used to make her happy? Does the thought of him bring a smile of joy to her face? Does thinking about him make her day that much brighter and happier?

“I don’t know,” she says truthfully after a while, not really answering the question but Jonas looks like he does understand. Chris doesn’t make her  _un_ happy, at the very least. His presence doesn’t make her sad. Thoughts of him doesn’t make her upset or angry and Eva thinks that maybe that’s a good enough place to start.

Although she’s pretty angry that he didn’t have the decency to call or text that he changed his mind about coming though.

“I guess, I—uh, I like it when he’s around. And he can make me smile and laugh, and when he’s not too busy trying to hook up with random girls, he’s actually pretty good company to be around.”

“Well, that’s the most important,” Jonas says and even though there’s an undercurrent of sadness in his voice and his eyes dim just slightly when he says it, the words sound genuine coming from his lips. “I’m…I’m happy for you Eva.”

Eva spares him a small smile. She doesn’t know what compelled her to speak again, but she hears the words leaving her lips before her brain can actually register what’s being said. “But—uh, you know, they say that your first love is the one that stays with you forever. Like whatever comes after, you will always have that first memory of love to fall back on. And I guess, you’ll always be that for me. You…and uh—spaghetti.”

Jonas laughs, one of those boisterous laughs that Eva didn’t know how much she missed hearing. She feels a sense of pride bubbling up inside her knowing that she was the one to bring that out of him.

“You too Eva,” Jonas says and he mischievously adds, “If you’re okay sharing that spot with Isak tho.”

This time it’s Eva who laughs out loud, for more reasons than one.

“I’m sorry you got replaced in Isak’s heart though,” she says sincerely, looking over to where Isak is having a conversation with the hot, blonde, lanky guy from the Kose meeting just a few short weeks ago before said hot, blonde, lanky guy steps out to answer a phone call.

“Well, I’m comforted by the fact that I’m his first choice to bang out of the guys.”

For a second Eva doesn’t know whether he’s being serious or pulling her leg and her questioning laugh comes out awkward and more of a huff. “ _What?_ _”_

“Yeah. Magnus was curious.”

“Let me guess, you first, Magnus last?”

“Yup,” Jonas says, and all a sudden a look that Eva interpreted as ‘did I really just say all this out loud to my ex’ flashed across his face.

“Yeah, I _bet_ you’d be first on his list,” she says, eyes flicking over to Noora and ignoring the questioning look Jonas shoots her.

Eventually both of them feel themselves subconsciously being beckoned in either direction. The girls were at the table making vulgar Christmas decorations at Eskilds suggestion and the boys had drifted off towards the kitchen when the sound of laughter and Magnus’ disgruntled grumbling could be heard.

“So, yeah…”

“Yeah.” They mirrored each other’s sentences before starting off towards their respective cliques. Before they got out of earshot though Jonas called back to Eva once more.

“But seriously, Eva, I’m happy that you’re happy.”

“Me too, Jonas.”

And with a bittersweet parting look they re-joined their friends.

Although Eva was getting really peeved that Chris was a. not there yet and b. not answering her texts. And if it turned out that he was out getting weed with a friend at some shady ass party then there was going to be trouble. A whole lot of it.


	2. Penetrators

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris is missing.

“So you and Chris, huh?”

The question comes as an eerie déjà vu, but instead of the guilt she felt when she heard it the first time, Eva has to physically supress the sheepish grin threatening to emerge. She remembers the same voice telling her not to long ago to break up with her boyfriend and hook up with Chris. She’d been taken aback and offended at the time, angry even. Like who did this person think she was, telling her to do something like that? But Sana had been straightforward and factual in her argument and despite feeling slightly insulted by the suggestion, Eva really could find no fault in Sana’s reasoning.

“I don’t know,” she says truthfully, as she’d been with Jonas not ten minutes ago. “It’s…complicated. He’s complicated.”

“Yeah but still,” Vilde adds, looking at her in wide-eyed awe. “Landing _the_ Penetrator Chris. The most infamous Penetrator after William. That’s pretty awesome, Eva.”

There’s a cough that sounds suspiciously like _Wilhelm_ from somewhere across the table.

“I mean, I wouldn’t say I _landed_ him, you know. Something would need to have actually _taken off_ to land anywhere. I don’t know if we’re even in the vicinity of the plane, much less in it.”

“So many plane puns,” Chris muses to herself just as Sana says, “But he said yes to coming to the Kose party with you. That has to mean something. When have you ever heard of a Penetrator willingly coming to a party that didn’t have sex, drugs or a bunch of girls lining up to hook up right off the top, especially when there was one such party happening at the exact same time?”

“The definition of _coming to_ something is actually being here, you know. I don’t know if you’re seeing something I’m not cause unless I’m blind _and_ stupid, he’s not actually _here_. And he’s not answering my text and all of a sudden I’m feeling pretty fucking dumb.”

“That’s Vilde’s area of expertise tho, don’t go stealing her job in the group she’ll have nothing left to do.” Sana says as-a-matter-of-factly, with the straightest poker face ever seen in all of Oslo. A beat passes as Vilde abruptly turns to glare at her before Chris guffaws out loud. Noora and Eva try hard to suppress their own laughter as Sana turns her frown into a dimpled smile directed at Vilde. “I’m just kidding, girl. You know I love you the most out of everyone here.”

Vilde fights a losing battle to keep the cross look on her face and eventually returns Sana’s smile with an adorable kitty-cat grin of her own.

Eva thinks that she really did luck out with this group of people in front of her. She can barely remember a time in her life when these four people didn’t play such an important role in it; trailing after Jonas and Isak and Elias holding out for every scrap of attention. Not realizing at the time how much she wished to have what Jonas had with Isak and Elias and Magnus and Mahdi, how much she craved what they had: a comrade and companion, someone to watch her back, to tease her playfully and set her mind at ease over her own feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness. She had that with Ingrid once upon a time ago, and she threw it all away. She has only herself to blame for her loss.

But then Noora popped up out of the ground like some saviour fairy godmother right when Eva needed it the most. She was smart and kind and the most gorgeous person Eva had ever seen in her life. And then Vilde showed up with the wrong Chris, or was it Eva who showed up with the wrong Chris? Now Eva thinks that maybe both Chris’ had actually been the right one. And they invited _her_ into their little group. They wanted _her_ , at the time Eva didn’t realize how much she needed them more than they actually needed her. And then Sana pummelled through their reality with her straight forwardness and cynicism and wit but backed everything with irrefutable cold hard fact.

These four people somehow stumbled into Eva’s constricting, self-inflicted bubble and made themselves far too comfortable and absolutely indispensable.

And she couldn’t be more grateful.

“I just think you’re not putting out enough, Eva.”

Eva comes crashing back into reality at those words. “ _What?_ ”

There a snort that sounds like a scoff that sounds like someone’s failed attempt to quell a laugh.

“I’m just saying, look at Noora.”

This time it was Noora’s who let out a mock offended, “ _What?_ ”

“I mean, me and Kasper do it all the time. Like _all the time_. Chris has gone from like 3 or 4 sluts a night to just you, don’t you think that’s a bit of a step down? And William, you think he isn’t in London banging a bunch of hot, upper-class English sluts? Way too naïve, guys.”

Chris abruptly gets pelted by a bunch of homemade dildo decorations, including Eskild’s rather suspicious contribution.

“Jesus Christ, Chris,” Noora says, but all of them are laughing at the blunt assessment of their sex lives.

“She’s not wrong though,” Sana says after a while, but she has a smirk on her face and everyone just can’t keep their laughter at bay after that.

“You’re seriously the worst, Chris,” Eva says, but her words hold no real malice and she knows Chris’ doesn’t either.

The laughter is light and merry with the Christmas music still playing softly in the background—Eskild has thankfully stopped singing along and instead is trying to lure as many people under the newly set up mistletoe at the entrance of the living room. Isak’s new boyfriend, Even, is standing around after seemingly being the one to help him put it up.

A buzzing, vibrating sound sends everyone reaching across the table for their phones, Eva in the forefront. Dejectedly she discovers the lack of missed calls or text messages and she doesn’t know whether she’s more hurt or angry. She wasn’t expecting Chris to say yes when she asked in the first place, but he had and truthfully she’s more upset at herself for getting her hopes up then she was at his changing his mind about coming.

It’s Noora’s phone, and judging by the eye roll and the groan she lets out when she sees the caller id, it must be William on the other end.

“Trouble in paradise?” Eva asks when Noora slides her thumb across the screen to reject the call.

“No, just William most likely calling to apologize _again_ for not being able to come.”

“That’s a bad thing?” Vilde asks as she reaches over for the purple paint across the table.

“No. Just, he’s apologized a dozen times and I’ve said it’s fine a dozen times and—uh…you know—” she lets out a small noncommittal shrug.

“You’re not really fine about it?” Sana finishes her sentence without even having to glance over, once again giving more reason to support everyone’s claim that Sana can in fact read minds.

Noora sighs unhappily. “No. He’s an asshole.”

“Maybe if you were less stingy with _your_ asshole—” Chris starts but doesn’t finish. She gets pelted by a myriad of paper mâché sex objects once again.

Noora rejects Williams’s call another two times but reluctantly picks up the third time he calls. Eva had to give it to him for perseverance.

“ _Yes, Wilhelm?_ ” she answers with an irritated sigh. Everyone watches her almost intently as her disgruntled tone and eye roll turns into one of confusion, her brows furrow when she says, “Yes, she’s here,” before handing the phone over to Eva. “He wants to talk to you.”

Eva stares at the phone and at Noora and back at the phone a couple of times over before she finally seems to decipher what Noora had said. “What? Why?”

“I don’t know. He just said he wanted to talk with you.”

“Ooooh, scandal!” Chris says conspiratorially and a little too gleefully.

Eva shares a look with the rest of the girls before reaching over slowly and grabbing the phone out of Noora’s hand. Williams’s voice comes through the receiver straight forwards and to the point. Eva doesn’t think she’s ever had an actual conversation with William, so this whole situation was truly bizarre.

She hears his question but it takes her brain a couple of seconds to process. He’s talking about Chris, which is nothing out of the ordinary, since objectively Chris is pretty much the only thing they have in common besides Noora. 

“No, he’s not here,” she hears herself say, feeling the confused gaze of the other girls on her. “He probably decided not to come. Or he had another party last minute.”

William speaks again and Eva feels her own throat becoming progressively dryer with every word he’s speaking.

She maintains eye contact with Noora for over a minute as she tries to keep her concentration on every word William is saying, trying to convey her confusion as the other girls start asking what William is saying without causing too much of an interruption.

“Oh,” Eva can’t find anything else to say after William finishes speaking, she feels like she has cotton in her ears muffling all sound around her. She doesn’t hear the other girls’ confused and concerned questions of ‘what?’ being directed at her. Her heart is pounding in her chest and her throat feels like she’s been walking through the desert without water for days. She can’t speak. She doesn’t really know what’s going on but talking with William has brought a foreboding sense of fear she hadn’t even considered before. “Okay—” she says into the receiver, aware of the stares of everyone around her trying to listen in. “Okay…umm, thanks. I’ll try to call him too.”

Eva’s thumb has barely reached to disconnect the call when she gets pelted by far too many questions at once. It’s Vilde’s mild, reassuring voice from next her that she zeroes in on when Vilde asks, “What’s wrong?”

Eva opens her mouth to speak, to explain everything William just said, to try and make sense of what he just said, but the area between her mouth and brain seem to not be in a cooperating mood. “I—William…uhh, I don’t know. He asked if Chris was here. I said he wasn’t and he’d probably gone to another party or something. But William said that he just talked to Chris this afternoon and Chris was definitely coming to _this_ party. And uh—Chris called his phone like 30 minutes ago but there was no one on the other end so he hung up and called back like ten times but no one picked up.” The words feel funny coming out of Eva’s mouth because she can’t concentrate on them at all. It feels like her voice coming out of a body that didn’t even belong to her.

Thoughts and speculations get thrown out into the air around her but Eva fumbles for her phone, scrolling through looking for Chris number saved into her contacts. She clicks the call button and listens in as his caller ringtone starts playing. And playing and playing and playing until there’s a beep and the mechanical voice of the answering machine comes flowing through. Eva repeats the action a few more times but with the same result.

Sana is saying something to Vilde and Chris while Noora pulls up William’s number to call him back but judging by her frustrated and disappointed sign, she gets the busy tone in reply. Eva can’t feel the brush in her hand anymore as she tries Chris’ number again.

Still no answer.

Dropping the brush onto the table she almost jumps to her feet and seeks out Isak in the crowd, finding him laughing with Even, Jonas and the gang in the kitchen.

Isak barely gets off a _hello_ when Eva marches into the kitchen and cuts him off mid word. “Have any of you talked to Chris today?” she asks.

“Chris?” Magnus asks. “She’s sitting right there.”

“ _No,_ not _that_ Chris—” her answer comes out a bit too vehemently and she notices Magnus taking a startled step back. “ _Penetrator_ Chris. You have his number right? Can you try calling him please?”

“What’s wrong, Eva?” Jonas asks. Whatever humorous air he had when she stumbled into the kitchen and scared the crap out of Magnus was immediately gone as he takes a step towards her with concern.

“I don’t know. William called looking for him. No one can get in touch with him and he isn’t answering his texts or his phone. I don’t know what’s going on.”

She appreciates Isak immediately pulling out his phone and dialling the number, only to be left disappointed when Isak shakes his head in negative. She tries her own phone again but again the frustratingly annoying answering machine voice does nothing to ease her worry. She can see the question hovering over Jonas and she knows exactly what he wanted to say, but she appreciates that he eventually decides not to say anything, only pulling out his own phone to call someone. He calls a name she doesn’t recognize but assumes it’s one of Chris’ Penetrator friends.

Eventually Sana and the rest join her and the boys in the kitchen, she hears Noora in the hallway talking to someone on the phone and assumes it’s William.

“Hey,” she feels a hand on her arm pulling her gently to the side and Jonas’ comforting voice, “I’m sure everything’s fine. He probably just got caught up somewhere and misplaced his phone. You’ll both laugh hard about this later. I mean, after you thoroughly kick his ass.”

Eva lets out an involuntary chuckle. Only Jonas can simultaneously calm her nerves and make her laugh. That has always been his speciality. All of a sudden, the overwhelming feeling of loss hit her like a ton of bricks and she leans into his chest, feeling his arms circle around her like a protective shield. In the background she hears Sana, Vilde, Chris and the guys tossing around speculations of their own. She barely noticed when Eskild and Linn joined them, obviously turning around from decorating the Christmas tree to find the living room abandoned.

Noora joins them soon after and the grim look on her face signalled that whatever new information she brought wasn’t what Eva wanted to hear.

“William still can’t get in touch with him and the other Penetrator guys don’t know where he is. They were all at a dancer party and they said that Chris told them that he was coming to Eva’s party. William has them out looking for him right now.”

It wasn’t at all what Eva wanted to hear but at least there were people were out there doing something.

“Is there something we can do?” Eva hears the deep, unfamiliar voice asking and looks up at Isak’s boyfriend, Even, the newest member of their rag-tag group of friends.

“Yeah, you want us to uh, look around as well?” It’s Magnus and Eva spares him a small smile. Even though she currently has her own worry, she’s not oblivious to the way Vilde’s eyes light up when looking at Magnus, especially in light of his noble offer.

“No, I—I don’t want to spoil the party.”

“You’re not.” It’s Jonas and Eva looks up to meet his eyes. “You’re worried because you care about him. And we’re worried because we care about you. It’s not rocket science.”

“Yeah, Eva. A house is a heart with a—a heart is a house—uhh, something about a heart in a house.”

Eva doesn’t need to look to feel the intensity of Linn’s eye roll when she cuts off Eskild and says. “Where there’s heart there is a home. Idiot.”

“Point is, this house has a heart and a guru, and this guru says that you being happy is more important than some stupid party. Even though this is undoubtedly the best party of the century.”

Eva looks around at all the faces of the people around and she wonders how she actually got by when it was just her trailing after Jonas and Isak like a puppy. No Sana, no Noora, no Chris or Vilde in her life, no Eskild to comfort her and Linn to keep him grounded. She wasn’t that close with Magnus and Mahdi and she just really met Even a few hours ago and despite his own problems, all of them were already willing to drop everything just for her. She loved her mother but even her mom had never done anything like that. She tries not to get all flustered.

“I—I don’t know. Where do we look? Where do we even start?”

“At his house maybe, since he was probably on his way here. He could have gotten side tracked somewhere along the way. Maybe just a couple of us go, and the rest can stay here in case he shows up. Since the Penetrator Riot guys or whatever are probably already out there as well.” Eva never fully appreciated Sana’s logical and calculated approach to things until this moment.

“I’m going,” Eva says quickly. She can’t even imaging staying behind and stewing in her paranoia of not knowing where Chris was, if something happened to him, imaging all sorts of worst-case scenarios that may not even be likely.

“I’ll go with Eva,” Jonas says and deep down Eva is more than glad to hear it.

“I’m going too,” Noora says. “It’s good to be around in case William calls with news.”

“I’ll go too,” surprisingly it’s Isak who volunteers fourth, Eva is somewhat surprised by that although she feels like her surprise shows just how distant they’ve become with each other lately.

“I’m going with Isak,” Even says and Eva’s sentiment is mirrored by Isak when he asks _‘Are you sure?’_

“I’ll stay and protect the girls,” Magnus says, to which Mahdi adds, “I’ll stay and protect the girls _from_ Magnus.”

“I’d come along, but I think having too many people around would be redundant and a hassle,” Sana says. “Unless you want us to come too,” she adds, but Eva shakes her head although she’s appreciative.

Eva tries Chris’ number one last time as everyone gathers their coats. She still reaches the same monotone answering machine and she doesn’t know whether to be scared, upset or furious. “ _Chris, where are you?_ ” she yells into his answering machine after the beep.

The only thing that answers her is silence and series of unanswered questions.


	3. Yakuza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eva has to reevaluate what Chris really means to her once he's found, but will she get the chance to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone <3 I have to admit that I didn't intend to update so soon, but the reaction to this story and all the super sweet reviews (that I haven't even had the chance to get to yet) has been mind-blowing, so consider this my gift to your all for being so awesome.
> 
> Though by the end I don't know if you'll want to thank me or come at me with torches and pitchforks ;)

“So you and Chris, huh?”

It’s a series of conversation starters Eva feels like she’s gotten far too comfortable with. But in this case, she can’t really blame him for bring it up. For a couple of people who had been so close in the past and never had an empty air between them that couldn’t be filled with some topic to talk about, Eva and Isak have become more like strangers with each other.

She’d only heard about his relationship with Even from the nasty rumour mill at school. And then again when Isak missed school around the time people started talking about Even having a mental illness. Teenagers could be cruel and malicious and Eva made it a point to shut down any of the gossip mongering going on within her vicinity.

“You know, at one point, me and Noora thought _you_ and Chris were a thing?” Eva says as she slows down her step as Isak walks up beside her.

Isak’s incredulous _‘what?’_ was endearingly familiar and Eva felt a pang of nostalgia hit her right in the gut. Even laughed and only then did Eva really notice what a beautiful laugh he had. He and Isak really looked great together and it was obvious they made each other happy, which was the most important thing.

“Yeah, and a Ouija board outed you to the rest of the group.”

Isak’s _‘what??’_ got even more incredulous and confused and Even if possible laughed even harder. Jonas was looking at her and Noora like they’d spouted a third head between them.

“Care to elaborate?”

Eva and Noora shared a look between them before addressing Isak again. “We have a confession to make. Uh, actually, we kind of knew you were gay, like since the Christmas party during first year.”

Isak’s brows furrowed but he didn’t interrupt them.

“Remember when I borrowed your phone to make that call?” when Isak hesitantly nodded Noora continued. “Well, uh, I kind of saw your gay porn tabs.”

Immediately Jonas’ eyebrows disappeared into his hairline and Even nearly spluttered.

“ _What?”_ Isak was flabbergasted and appeared to have lost all ability to form coherent sentences or use words that wasn’t a questioning exclamation.

“Yeah, imagine my surprise,” Eva said, giving Isak a suggestive side eye.

“Wait, _tabs_? How many gay porn sites did he have open?” Even asks, addressing the most pressing issue at hand.

“Just one!—” Isak says at the same time Noora and Eva blurted out, “Like 20 or something.”

Jonas looked like he was torn between backing his friend and joining Even laughing on the side.

The night air was chilly and crisp but not uncomfortable and for a minute Eva got so caught up in the moment looking at Isak spluttering at the side and Even trying to placate him with some comforting words like _‘it’s okay, it happens to the best of us’_ , with Noora and Jonas looking infinitely amused off to the side that she almost forgot the reason they were out there in the first place. She had become familiar enough with Chris’ house over the course of the couple of months’ worth of parties to know that they were almost half way there but there was still no sign of him. She pulled out her phone to try his number again when it starts vibrating with an incoming call that almost causes her to drop it to the icy cold ground.

A glance at the caller id causes her heart to skip a beat.

 _Chris Penetrator calling_ it said and Eva couldn’t answer it fast enough.

“ _Chris!_ Where are you? What happe—” everyone immediately stops in their tracks and all conversations come to a quick halt when Eva half shouts into the phone when she picks up. But she trails off into silence when the voice on the other line flows through and was decidedly not Chris.

He’s saying words and they’re not really registering but she thinks her expression is one of shock and fear because the group convenes immediately on her. They’re speaking but it’s like she’s listening to them from underwater. She barely notices when she’s relieved of her phone and pulled into a comforting hug by Noora as Jonas takes over talking to the person on the other end of the line.

He doesn’t react to whatever he’s hearing, but he looks spooked enough to scare Eva when she glances at him.

“Okay—Okay. We’ll be there as soon as possible—have you called William?” Jonas says, his eyes never looking away from where they’re locked on to Eva’s. Around them Isak and Even look concerned but don’t interrupt Jonas with questions. Noora runs the knuckles of her hand up and down the length of Eva’s back in a comforting way, but nothing could truly comfort Eva at that moment other than knowing for sure that Chris was okay.

Eventually Jonas hangs up, but he doesn’t immediately elaborate on the conversation, he only levels Isak with stern look and says that they should tell the others to meet them at the hospital. No one asks any further questions, especially not in front of Eva crying distraught into Noora’s chest, only Isak pulls out his phone and he and Even start walking on ahead while Isak makes the call.

Eva feels the vibration of an incoming text from Noora’s phone through her coat and looks up at her when she pulls out her phone to read. Her breath hitches. “It’s from William. He says he’s getting on a plane right now and he’ll call when he lands. What happened?”

“The Penetrator guys don’t know for sure either. They just told us to come to the hospital. Apparently some people jumped Chris on the way to your place and he’s hurt pretty bad.”

Even and Isak return right on cue, seemingly having heard Jonas’ words, neither of them asks for further clarification. “They’ll meet us there.”

“Come on, I think we’ll be just in time for the tram if we leave now.”

Eva is glad to have Noora and Jonas there to make the decisions and drag her along. If it had just been her she doesn’t think she’d even be able to muster the necessary willpower to get all the way to point b.

It was weird thinking about Chris right now, considering that just 30 minutes ago Eva has been completely vocal about how unsure she was about where they stood in this…whatever this was going on between them. It’s definitely more than a fling or a hook but, but she wouldn’t call him her boyfriend in any definition of the word. Chris didn’t seem much like the boyfriend material, even though he’d mellowed down a lot since he finished school and he wasn’t the cocky, overconfident guy she’d met that first night at the club. The Chris she’d come to know was gentle and smart and funny and was an amazing dancer and he liked cats of all shapes and sizes. Maybe he’d been that way this whole time but she’d never noticed because she’d been too busy trying to keep his hands out of her pants. Whatever it was, whatever _this_ was, Eva didn’t want to stop to imagine not being able to find out where this could actually go. It might go nowhere, it might go somewhere, but she wanted the chance to figure that out herself.

The trip to the hospital was in silence. At least it was silence on her end. She still had her head on Noora’s shoulder beside her as they sat in the tram. Jonas, Isak and Even were a few rows down talking in hushed whispers, once in a while shooting glances to where she was almost catatonic, being held close in Noora’s comforting embrace.

“He’s going to be fine, Eva. This is Chris we’re talking about. Even Wilhelm is on his way and between those two idiots their stupidity and machoism can conquer just about anything.”

Eva smiles a little when Noora finishes her spiel. It was so typically Noora, even though Eva knows her friend is just as worried deep down. Although Noora knows Chris just about as well as Eva knows William, it’s their love and friendship with each other that matters the most. Same with Sana, Vilde and Chris who are probably just as worried about Eva back at the apartment.

Eva feels a dip in the small section of seat beside her and glances up to see Isak’s smiling face looking back at her; Even and Jonas trailing behind and taking the vacant seat in front of them.

“You okay?”

Eva nods slightly even though it’s clearly a lie. “Noora says Chris and Williams’s stupid machoism can conquer anything.”

“Well she’s not wrong. Those Penetrator guys are like cockroaches. Annoying, incorrigible and there’s always at least one in your vicinity.”

“I have a question.” It’s Even asking from the front seat as he turns around to survey them. Eva heard about what happened with him at his old school and his absence after the rumour started spreading around Nissen it was a little concerning, even Sana seemed more agitated by the rumour mongers than usual which was a telling clue in itself. She doesn’t know the specifics of what happened before or after, but from what little she knew of mental illnesses she could only take a guess. She’s happy to see him doing well now though, both him and Isak. “You mentioned Isak having a thing with this _Chris_. Care to elaborate?”

Beside her, Isak let out a groan that sounded suspiciously like his boyfriends’ name.

It was Noora who answered. Eva couldn’t find the strength to. The thoughts of Chris once again started gnawing at her insides. “It wasn’t a thing per-say. We just thought it was.”

“Why? What could have possibly given you that idea?”

“I saw you and Chris having a secret rendezvous in his car after school. I mean now we know it was because of what happened with Jonas and the Yakuza guys, but at the time it seemed really suspect. Plus you made that call me sign to him in the courtyard during lunch.”

“Isak, I never would have guessed,” Even said teasingly. “And here I thought I was the man of your life.”

“ _A._ There was nothing to guess because, _B_. there was absolutely nothing going on. Some of the guys who beat him up also beat up Jonas and we just wanted to get even. And C…well, there’s no C. But point _E._ fact is: he isn’t a total inconvenience to look at either.”

It was Jonas of all people who looked the most put out, even more that Even who was smiling at Isak like he was the cuddliest, most endearing puppy in the pound. “Dude, I’m sitting _right here_.”

The rest of the trip was spent in mostly silence. Noora had scooted further down and made more space for Eva who was currently being sandwiched between her and Isak. There was nowhere Eva wanted to be more than right there with two of her best friends in the whole world.

They arrived at the entrance of the hospital in silence and walked down the dreary hallways in silence. Only Jonas spoke once when he asked the front desk for information and was directed towards the waiting room at the far end. Whatever doubts they may have had about being in the right place was immediately extinguished when they pushed open the double swing doors and came face to face with almost a dozen or so members of the Penetrators, or Riot Club, or whatever is it they were calling themselves now. Eva liked Penetrators better tho. Most of them looked dishevelled and drunk, some looked like they’d just been reluctantly dragged away from an undoubtedly steamy make out session and the rest looked like they were crashing down hard from a high, but nothing masked the air of concern that suffocated the room. In that moment, Eva gained more respect for those guys that she every thought possible. They’d obviously dropped everything to rush out when they heard one of their friends was in trouble and if that didn’t speak of true friendship then probably nothing ever would.

One of the guys approached them when they entered. Eva didn’t know his name, honestly she didn’t know any of the guys outside William and Chris, but his greeting was friendly if a little tense, which was understandable given the situation.

“What happened?” it was Noora who asked. A few of the other Penetrator guys had convened behind their stand-in leader since neither William or Chris were there and the rest had drifted off towards various sections of the waiting room to sober up, probably already having heard the story a hundred times over.

“We heard people talking that a few of the Yakuza guys jumped someone over near the bus stop at the intersection, but when we arrived the police and ambulance were already there. It was Chris. We’re not sure exactly what went down, just a couple of eyewitnesses said there were maybe five or six guys involved, but it was too dark to tell. One of them uhh—they stabbed him. We don’t how many times or how bad it is. They rushed him straight into emergency when they arrived. One of the guys who went in the ambulance with him said there was so much blood.”

There was a collective exclamation of a disbelieved _‘what?’_ But the look of fury on the guys’ face backed his words.

“Those fucking Yakuza,” someone in the background spat.

For the third time that night Eva felt herself listening from what seemed to be a muffled cocoon of denial. This can’t be fucking real. This wasn’t some over dramatic American TV show, things like that didn’t happen here! Guys fought and they got beat up, and one time William hit that guy over the head with the bottle but _stabbing_ someone? Stabbing _Chris_ , it was just a ridiculous idea. It was almost Christmas and things like this didn’t happen on Christmas. It didn’t happen to them on Christmas or on any other day of the year because…because, who does that to another human being? Chris was kind and gentle and funny and smart, and sure he could be a hot head and sure he hooked up with too many girls, maybe he could be a bit of an asshole at times but he didn’t deserve this.

The doors behind them opened again and the rest of their Kose group came rushing into the room, Sana in the forefront and everyone trailing half out of breath behind her.

“What happened?”

That seemed to the question of the century that night. Eva hears Jonas and Isak explaining to the new arrivals what they’d learned. Hearing the words _stabbed_ and _Chris_ in a sentence makes absolutely no sense to her even the second time around. Like it was so ridiculous that Eva almost starts laughing, but then she’s sobbing and she sees the heap of black material from out of the corner of her eye before she feels Sana pull her into a firm embrace. Then another set of arms and a messy head of blonde hair that could only belong to Vilde find their way around her and Sana. Then it’s Noora and Chris coming up from creating a barrier of protection around Eva.

And right there in that moment, in the arms of the five best people Eva has ever met in her life and although she would never have wished to ever find herself in this situation, Eva thinks that there’s no better place to be than right there in their arms, surrounded by her friends and Chris’ friends and even though the situation seems terrible and dire and no one really knows how Chris is doing or how badly he’s hurt, she thinks that everything could maybe be okay because they were all there together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome ;)


	4. Kollektiv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone :)

“So you and Chris, huh?”

After the initial shock of what happened finally begins wearing off, Eva can finally think straight and like herself again, she’s beginning to find this question particularly grating.

She’s standing in the corner of the room, facing the monotonous white wall for some inexplicable reason, not like there was a plant or an awful painting in sight to blame her distraction on. Maybe she wasn’t as _completely_ back herself as she thought.

It’s one of the Penetrator guys loitering around that approached her. A handful of them had left about half an hour ago and the rest were nonchalantly strewn across the room in various positions. Her own set of friends were scattered around, a few of the guys were conversing with a couple of the Penetrator guys and Noora was messaging someone (most likely William) while seemingly lost in her own little world. Isak and Even were huddled together a decent ways away from the nearest group of people, Even looked slightly unnerved but Isak was holding his hand and speaking in low whispers into his ear. Eskild was engaged in a far too animated conversation with one random Penetrator member who looked confused about whether to feel disturbed or slightly turned on, or disturbed that he was slightly turned on. Magnus, Vilde and the others were huddled together in the opposite corner while Sana surveyed the surrounding with an unnerving poker faced glare.

“Yes, me and Chris,” she says, almost like a challenge as she turns to look at him in the end, daring him to say _one_ misogynistic word.

“Oh,” he says which was not what Eva was expecting at all. “That’s great. He really likes you, you know. I can tell.” He adds, and on a scale of one to ten on the list of what Eva absolutely did not expect to hear, that was about a twelve.

“Oh,” she says eloquently in return.

“He’s a lucky guy,” Perpetrator Guy #3 adds and Eva decides that she really should find out his name.

Admittedly of all the times she’s found herself having this conversation tonight, this was arguably the sweetest outcome of them all. Who would have thought?

A commotion near the entrance draws her attention and the attention of pretty much everyone in the room.

The door swings open and in comes William, flanked by the Penetrator guys who had left earlier, strolling in like he owns the place and the souls of everyone in the room, which at the moment didn’t seem as farfetched at it sounded. William looked both pissed and distraught and guilty at the same time, like his mind couldn’t decide which emotion should take precedence. Considering the allegation that the Yakuza guys were involved, Eva couldn’t blame William for feeling guilty. Chris and the guys got beat up because William beat up someone first. They were looking for him while he was off wooing Noora on some hilltop with hot chocolate and serenading her with tales of his misspent youth (or so Noora said). Instead the guys paid the price. And now, Chris got attacked while he was off gallivanting in a foreign country wooing hot upper-class British ladies with tea and mini sandwiches (or so Chris said).

Noora approaches William without hesitation and pulls him into a hug when he gets close enough. William melts into Noora’s embrace and Eva looks away, feeling like the intimate moment wasn’t theirs to infringe on.

She doesn’t even know what time it is right now, a glance at the clock tells her it’s fucking late o’clock but no one’s come out to talk to them or tell them about Chris yet and the waiting feels like hell. Some of the guys look like they’re one sheep away from dozing off but forcing themselves to stay awake until they get news about their friend.

“Eva?”

She hears her name and it sounds weird rolling off this unfamiliar tongue. She turns around to face William and he looks terrible. His hair is dishevelled and his eyes are bloodshot from lack of sleep or crying or both. Not that she blames him. If she was in his position and Noora or Jonas or someone she cared about got hurt as a result of something she’d done, she’d be wrecked. But even if it wasn’t anything she did, the thought of Jonas hurt, the thought of Noora or Sana or Vilde or Chris or even Isak hurt was enough to bring tears to her eyes. She couldn’t even imagine what William was feeling. She heard from Noora that Chris was Williams best friend, he’d said so himself, and the more she paid attention to it after she found out, the more she noticed how close they really were, even going beyond Russ and Penetrator stuff. If William was there then Chris was always hanging around somewhere close and vice versa. When William decided not to leave for London—before he then decided to leave for London again—it was Chris he stayed with when he didn’t want to go back to his apartment.

Outside their barely-there relationship, Eva didn’t really know all that much about Chris, only what Noora had heard from William. In fact Eva felt like she knew William better than she knew Chris. Where were his parents? She’d been over at his place a couple of times but no one was ever around. He never talked about them; he never brought them up in conversation the way she did even though she barely saw her mom during the best of times. The name that was mostly brought up in conversation with Chris was William; William this, William that, William did this and said that and things like that. Eva had asked jokingly whether William was the third wheel in their relationship or was she. Chris had grinned one of his Cheshire cat grins and said with a shrug, “It’s just William,” like that should have explained everything. Perhaps in his mind it did.

A name calling for _Christoffer Schistad_ from the door William had entered through brought all conversation topics to an abrupt halt. There was a doctor in dark green scrubs that seemed far too stained with splotches of brown to not make everyone’s heart simultaneously skip a beat. But right there he stood, calling for Chris, not at all prepared from the rush of teenagers hurrying towards him.

All it takes is a stern word from William to make them all quiet down and take an obedient step back.

The flustered doctor subconsciously wipes away the sweat on his forehead, trying not to show his relief when his eyes locks on William.

“Parents or family of Christoffer Schistad?” he asks again.

William’s answer is dismissive and unexpectedly cold. “His parents aren’t here. We’re his family.”

The doctor exhales loudly, running his hand once through his salt and pepper hair. “Christoffer—”

“His name is Chris,” William interrupts coolly.

“Well…okay— _Chris_ ,” the doctor says, bringing his hands up in front of him as if in submission before his tone turns sombre. “Your friend was brought in with a couple fractured ribs, a concussion and a myriad of bruises and lacerations. The immediate concern though was the stab wound to the lower abdomen. The concussion is mild and while not without its risks, it isn’t immediately life threating. He fractured three ribs; they’re painful and will undoubtedly cause him discomfort for some time but they’ll heal up well with time and rest. The remaining injures are just superficial, but the stab wound is much more severe and complicated. All things considered, he’s lucky that it didn’t hit any major organs or blood vessels, but it nicked a section of his intestines. We’ve gone in a fixed it and made sure there are no other undetected injuries. He did well in surgery and we’re monitoring him in recovery while he wakes up from the anaesthesia. The nurses will be taking him up to the ICU soon so we can keep a close eye on him for at least the next 12 to 24 hours. We need to discuss further treatment with his parents though.”

A soft _fuck_ echoes around the room after the doctor finishes speaking and the guys in the back start chattering among themselves. Eva doesn’t know what they’re saying but judging from their tone alone, it was obviously nothing good. She concentrated on William instead who’s still engaged in a conversation with the doctor.

“I’ll have his dad call the hospital to take care of the insurance stuff,” William says, but doesn’t address the doctors comment about the treatment. “I’ll deal with the rest. He’s going to be okay though, right?”

“Barring any unforeseen complications, your friend should be perfectly fine. He’s going to need to be on bed rest for a while and on limited activity for even longer. Also no drinking, drugs and partying would be the ideal,” the doctors tacks on the last bit as if he knows exactly who he’s dealing with.

Eva can’t move. She can’t breathe, she can’t think. She can only think of the words surgery and major organs and fractured ribs and concussion and imagining Chris on that operating table being cut open and cut into like some biology experiment. She imagines Chris unconscious. Chris bleeding out on the dark corner alone and in pain while Eva was warm and content in the apartment with her closest friends thinking the absolute worst about him. Did he feel like he was dying? Was he scared? He must have been. He must have called William, forgetting that his closest friend was thousands of kilometers away and being unable to ask for help when he answered. Was he conscious when Eva called dozens of times? When William called probably twice that many times? Did he feel alone and abandoned the entire time, or did he realize in the end that all his friends were out there looking for him, worried out of their mind?

Eva feels the warm tears trickle down the side of her cheek and a large hand coming to rest on her shoulder, squeezing it gently and glances over to see Even’s kind face smiling comfortingly back at her. “It’s going to be okay. He has his friends and the people who care about him here to support him,” Even says and Eva knows immediately that his words weren’t spoken lightly. His eyes spoke of experience and his own pain and fear and Eva manages a weak smile back at him. It seems to be enough because his smile is beaming.

“Eva.”

Another unfamiliar voice calls her name. At this point Eva was fairly certain that most voices calling her name would be unfamiliar voices considering that she only really knew two, maybe three, guys out of everyone in the room.

It’s no real surprise to find William walking up to her, he doesn’t look any better than when he stepped through the waiting room doors not even an hour ago. The dark circles and bags under his blood shot eyes were too prominent. His hair was tousled yet smooth like he’d been running his fingers nervously through them a thousand times. He walked into the hospital waiting room with nothing on him besides his phone and his wallet meaning that he must have dropped absolutely everything to rush to Chris’ side.

Eva felt like she was seeing William and the Penetrators properly for the very first time.

How many hours had it been since the party at Isak’s apartment, painting glittery paper mâché dildos and defiling classic Christmas songs with crude vulgarity—which was mostly Eskild. Or rather _just_ Eskild. Was it that long ago that William was back in London doing god only knows what—not _Noora_ , as Chris would argue, and _her_ Chris was still suspiciously absent but without any real cause for concern. It feels like she’d spent all her energy worrying the night away and she realized that if it hadn’t been for the phone call from William, they would still be back at the apartment being merry and jolly, getting drunk and having fun and she’s be too pissed at Chris standing her up to even consider the possibility that he was somewhere out there in the elements, alone and bleeding to death on the cold unforgiving pavement.

An involuntary shiver runs through her spine at the thought.

But they weren’t back at the apartment partying. The Penetrators weren’t with their hook up girls at the dance party drinking themselves into the ground. William wasn’t back in London, thinking up excuses and dodging calls from Noora which was exactly what he spent his days doing according to her. Even Jonas who had every reason to hate both her and Chris was there, more so than that he’d actually ventured out into the cold with her to look for him because she was worried. Same with Isak and Even, the latter barely knew her and didn’t know Chris at all. None of her friends really knew anything about Chris. He was only that hot guy who makes out with Eva sometimes—Eskilds’ words—or Penetrator Chris or William’s fuckboy friend or the guy who got punched in the face by those Yakuza dudes while Noora was off seducing William thru the sexiness of her gigantic beige sweater and comfortable loafers—also Eskilds’ words. Hell, a glance around the room even showed Linn there. And as far as Eva knew Linn _never_ left the apartment.

Sometimes Eva thinks her internal monologue gets in the way of her real life functionality because William’s standing right in front of her and she didn’t even remember him walking up.

“I talked to the doctor and he said one or two people can go see him for a bit.” Eva’s thinks William is waiting for some sort of response but she’s pretty sure she didn’t hear a question anywhere in there.

“O-kay?”

Eva sympathized with William having to deal with her at that moment, especially considering that he looked like crap and was probably feeling the emotional consistency of crap; it was _his_ best friend there in the hospital. He has far too much patience dealing with people than anyone ever gave him credit for.

“Do you want to come with me?” he says, enunciating each word deliberately making sure she actually understood him this time.

“Are you sure? I mean his friends are—”

“I’m sure,” William says without hesitation. “I know he’d want you there.”

A warm feeling creeps up on Eva at his words and she just nods, not trusting herself with actual words.

She feels William’s strong arm circle her shoulders as he leads her towards the door where the doctor who was looking slightly more nervous than he did a minute ago was standing waiting.

“Tell Chris we’re all here for him,” of the Penetrator guys yells out from the crowd, eliciting a murmur of agreement from the rest. William nods but says nothing.

“We’ll be right here waiting for you okay?” A softer voice speaks, and Eva turns to look at Noora who’s giving her a look that’s half sympathetic and half assurance. Eva appreciates it more that she can articulate at the moment.

“Remember your guru’s words, Eva. Where there’s a house in the heart there’s another heart—”

“Shut up, guru!” Everyone yells simultaneously.

“You need to stop murdering that proverb, Eskild. Jesus Fucking Christ.” Eva doesn’t think she’s ever heard Linn raise her voice before. But there’s obviously a first time for everything.

She leaves the safety of the waiting room and the comforting presence of her friends and ventures out into the cold, unfeeling hallway of the hospital with William at her side, holding her close almost as if it was her presence being the comfort for him instead of the other way around. Eva doesn’t mind, it makes her feel less of a burden and less like everyone around is shouldering her emotional weight. She feels useful for the first time that night. She circles her own arm around Williams’ waist and it jerks him out of whatever thoughts were currently plaguing his mind. The fear in his gaze is palpable and the corner of his eyes is damp with suppressed tears. Looking at William at that moment, seeing the real William for the first time, Eva thinks she can see exactly what made Noora fall so hopelessly in love with this person.

“He’s going to be okay,” she hears herself say, echoing the words she’s been told too many times that night. She thinks that maybe no one has said those words to William yet, because he’s supposed to be the strong one, the one holding it together. His breath hitches and he quickly looks away. “What happened wasn’t your fault,” she adds and she sees the exact moment William relinquishes control and his face just crumbles. Eva stops them in their tracks and pulls William into a much needed hug. William reciprocates without hesitation, burying his face in her shoulder, his arms encircled around her waist holding onto her like a lifeline. Eva pretends not to notice the way his shoulders shake and the sound of hitched sobs as he cries softly into the crook of her neck.

She was okay with this, being the one offering comfort. With everyone else she understands their willingness to offer her comfort, because Chris means the most to her. But here, at this moment, in this empty hallway with its monotonous white walls, Eva is all too willing to offer William the comfort he needs because she knows that Chris means absolutely everything to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little late with the update this time and gonna be a little late with next update too. I'm on holiday right now, but Chris is finally going to be in the next chapter; so something to look forward to I guess.


	5. The Riot Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She’s looking at his face right now, listening to his breaths from up close and not coming through a cell phone speaker. This time his breaths aren’t soft and peaceful, they’re shallow and painful, like every inhale is causing him indescribable pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the super late update. I hope I make it up with this chapter cause this was by far my most favourite one to write. Also thank you so much to everyone whose kept up with this fic and left kudos and such lovely comments. I am absolutely floored by the reaction this fic is getting.
> 
> Enjoy.

“So, you and Chris, huh?”

William had asked while they were standing out in the hallway waiting for the nurses to finish getting Chris settled and finally be able to go in and see him.

Eva looks from the hustle and bustle of the room in front of them towards William, allowing a small smile to tug at the corner of her lips. Even through his worry William spares her a wordless smile in return. She didn’t need to say anything to him and he didn’t need to say anything in return. The silence they lapse into is a comfortable one and Eva is grateful.

For that one small moment everything felt almost calm and peaceful. Eva didn’t think she remembered what that feeling was like.

The room feels dark and depressing even though it’s completely illuminated by the white fluorescent lights installed all along the ceiling in the hallway. It must have been the overall atmosphere of the room that felt dark and depressing rather than the actual lighting. But then again, when someone you care about is laying unconscious in a hospital bed, connected to wires and drips and tubes and so completely lost to the world you’d think they were dead if not for the consistent beeping of the hospital machines and dripping, hissing sound of everything else in the room. Well then no amount of lighting could really make that situation seem optimistic in any way.

Eva is sitting by Chris’ bedside in the ICU room watching the rise and fall of his bruised and battered chest. William is on the other side bent over the mattress with his head resting on his crossed arms, reaching out to grasp Chris’ limp hand in a vice like grip, holding him close even in sleep. Eva really couldn’t blame him. Within the last few hours, he’s gone from being in London, thousands of kilometers away on a day that was supposed to be happy and merry, to being worried out of his mind over his missing best friend and the feeling of absolute helplessness after finding out that his worry wasn’t unfounded, if nothing else, it was probably a worse outcome than he could ever have imagine. Eva’s pretty sure he dropped absolute everything, sat on a place for hours without communication all while not knowing the status of his friend, how bad he was injured or if he was even alive. All while being gnawed at by the undoubtedly crippling feelings of guilt.

William wasn’t the cause for the Penetrator’s rivalry with the Yakuza, but he was the catalyst for their conflict this time. He wasn’t the one who started the fight that caused all of this, but he was the one who finished it and Chris paid for it twice.

Eva only heard the school yard chatter about what happened the night of their infamous fight. Although calling it a fight was an over simplification; it was more like a one-sided ambush.

It was Chris and two of the Penetrator guys coming back from the party. William hadn’t been with them since he was with Noora, as Eva would soon discover. It was at least a dozen of the Yakuza guys against the three of them, they didn’t stand a chance.

Eva remembered watching them get out of Williams cars that morning, wondering why any of them were actually at school; Chris at the very least should have been at home resting, if not still in the hospital. She wasn’t on talking terms with him at that point, so it didn’t seem right to message him just for the gossip. But Eva’s logical side and Eva’s impulsive side never really saw eye to eye, so she ended up texting him that night anyway, while stretched out on her bed in her far too lonely and empty house.

It was a simple, straight forward and not at all flirty _Hope you’re okay_. Not really a question, something between sympathy and empathy and honestly, she wasn’t even really expecting an answer, much less 10 seconds after sending the text. But Chris must have been on his phone at the time because the vibration from the incoming message comes so sudden it startles Eva into almost dropping her phone on her face.

His reply is tellingly flirty and more emoticon usage that she really expected. _Why, did I worry you?_ Followed by a series of winking emoji’s that Eva decides is Chris in emoticon form.

_You wish._

Eva watches the bubble signalling that the person on the other end is currently typing pop up, and then disappears, then pops up again. It goes on for a full minute. Eva eventually gets tired of waiting and is about to put her phone down and sleep when a text actually comes through.

_I kind of do._

Eva feels overly flustered all of a sudden at the unexpected reply, but she’s forced to pull herself together quickly when her phone starts buzzing with an incoming call and the name that flashes across her screen makes her heart jump into her throat.

**Chris Penetrator calling...**

They talk for a bit. Chris seems kind of out of it for the most part which is what Eva thinks contributed to the phone call. He keeps complaining about William hovering and Eva didn’t really understand the context until Chris stops talking in the middle of the sentence to shout something to someone in the background. She assumes he’s talking to William and she’s proven right when she hears his distant voice in the background of the call. William says something intelligible and Chris shouts back that he doesn’t want any fucking chicken soup.

Eva tries not to laugh but a chuckle escapes her lips. Chris sounds more chipper after that, as if his mood was immediately improved by Eva’s happiness. She’s not sure how long they talk, about an hour at least. She doesn’t think she contributed much to the conversation other than a chuckle here and there and a one worded agreement over something or another. Eventually Chris seems like he’s run out of things to say and topics to talk about but somehow Eva can tell that he’s stalling, as if he doesn’t want to get off the phone. So she talks, about the weather, about her friends, telling him how terrible she is at math but no one really knows that she’s pretty good at art.

It isn’t the best mode of telecommunication to judge a person, but Eva thinks that Chris is a really good listener. Somehow she ends up on the topic of her mother and words are flowing out about things she never even told Jonas about. Chris just listens. He’s so quiet and attentive that Eva thinks that he might have fallen asleep or just been pretending to listen, but he continues to surprise her by asking questions and bringing up something she’d just said as an offhanded comment.

Eventually it does sound like he’s dozing off and even from this end Eva can tell that he’s fighting it, but eventually she hears the sound of his breathing evening out and a soft snoring sound coming through the receiver. She talks on for a few minutes more just to make sure. Eventually her tales of woe trail to a conclusion and she calls his name softly just to check. The only answer she gets is the sound of him breathing into the receiver. She stays like that a few minutes longer on her back spread out across her mattress listening to the sound of Chris’ soft breaths from the other end. Eventually she hangs up, and somehow the unexpected phone call leaves her feeling content and for some reason she feels just a little less lonely than she did earlier that night.

She’s looking at his face right now, listening to his breaths from up close and not coming through a cell phone speaker. This time his breaths aren’t soft and peaceful, they’re shallow and painful, like every inhale is causing him indescribable pain. His expression is serene but there was really nothing serene about his situation or his injuries.

Half his face is bruised and discoloured, not unlike how he looked walking through the school yard after the fight last year, the bridge of his nose and lip is split and crusted over with dried blood. He has a couple of stitches running across the crease of his brow and a nasal cannula carrying oxygen going half around his face and into both nostrils; the crisp hospital gown hiding the more severe of his injuries. Eva peeked into the room while the nurses were bustling around and caught a glimpse of his painfully bruised chest peeking over the bandages wrapped around a large section of his abdomen.

Eva reaches over to gently run her fingers through his hair in comfort, her other hand reaching over to grasp the hand laying limp on the mattress by his side.

“Chris?” she whispers, remembering happier times calling that name thought the phone speaker and receiving only the sounds of restful sleep in return. It felt like a lifetime ago.

She doesn’t know how long she and William have been sitting in that room, watching, waiting, hoping for a sign or an indication that he was going to be okay. The doctor said that he was, but watching him laying there unmoving and unresponsive, more injured than either of them have ever seen or hope to ever see him; the beeping and hisses of the machines lining the wall and the myriad of drips and wires trailing down onto the bed, attached to seemingly every available body part on his person. It was terrifying.

She thinks that her friends and the Penetrators would probably have left by now. It’s been such a long and terrible night, such a distant departure from how the night had initially started that Eva wonders if she had actually been imagining happier times at the party.

At first she felt like she was _still_ stuck in that imaginary reality, the indiscernible twitch of the hand she’s grasping and the nearly imperceptible moan of discomfort and pain that reached her ears went almost unnoticed until she realized that it wasn’t imaginary. She feels the hand twitch again and immediately finds herself on her feet, lowering herself down slightly to hover over the occupant of the bed.

“Chris?” she calls again, reaching over to stroke his hair back, her other hand grasping onto his tightly, gently rubbing a comforting pattern onto the back of his hand with her thumb.

Chris stirs slowly and painfully. Eva thinks at the very least he heard her calling his name because he turns his head slightly in her direction as if looking for the origin of that voice.

“Chris? It’s Eva. I’m here,” she says again, and this time she’s positive that Chris heard her because his eyes crack open a fraction. His eyes are glazed over and unfocused as his sight attempts to adjust to his surroundings. It takes him a few long minutes of blinking and closing his eyes and opening them back again, as if attempting to recalibrate his brain and to try and remember what happened and how he ended up there and where _there_ actually was.

Eva doesn’t rush him; she doesn’t say anything more so as not to completely overwhelm him. She’s ecstatic on the inside about being able to stare at those gorgeous brown eyes again, but at the same time still wracked with worry about how he was going to take it all in. She wonders if she should call a nurse.

Chris’ bleary eyes fall on her at that exact moment and Eva can clearly see the pain and the confusion in his gaze. Anyone anywhere would be in agony if they went through what Chris had gone through and Eva doesn’t think that in Chris’ mind it’s really registered that this is real, that she’s really there and he isn’t still stuck in some fake fantasy world inside his own mind.

“Hey,” she says, mustering the best comforting tone she can and forcing a small smile onto her face. It wasn’t too forced because she really was happy to finally see him awake.

Chris doesn’t answer; he’s still staring at her with an unfocused gaze, blinking intermittently as if waiting for her to fade out of existence. Eva lets him watch her, keeping the reassuring smile on her face and her eyes locked onto his, her fingers playing with the strands of his hair and her other hand still clutching his tight. She wants him to see her and feel her and hear her and to understand that this _is_ real and she’s really _is_ there, and like that time he called just to hear the sound of her voice, that she was willing to be there for him for the long haul.

“How are you feeling?” she asks once when he eventually tears his eyes away to look around at his surroundings.

A beat passes before Chris’ gaze finds hers again and it takes even longer before he opens his mouth as if to say something, but the only thing he can muster is a weak and hoarse “ _Wh…ere?”_

Eva’s heart just drops at the question. “You’re in the hospital. Do you remember what happened?”

Chris looks like he’s seriously thinking about the answer to that question, but from the way his brows furrow, Eva can tell that he remembers very little of what happened, if anything at all. Eventually he closes his eyes again and Eva thinks he’s fallen asleep, but his Adam’s apple bobs when he swallows with difficulty. Breathing looks like it’s painful and he weakly pulls his hand out of William’s grasp to wrap protectively around his chest.

Eva reaches over Chris to shake William gently by the shoulder. He reluctantly stirs after a few nudges and lifts his eyes up to glare at Eva.

Eva doesn’t say anything in reply, she just gestures towards Chris with her eyes and William is immediately on his feet, mimicking Eva’s earlier pose as he bends down to hover close to the occupant of the bed.

“Chris?” he calls out softly.

This time Chris’ eyes immediately snap open at the beckoning. He finds William almost immediately and the feeling of utter relief on his face is evident, on both their faces.

William doesn’t wait for an answer or a sign from above; as gently as he can he wraps his arms around Chris’ shoulders, careful not to jolt his friends’ injured body and pulls himself in for a much needed hug. Undoubtedly much needed for both of them, but for William himself especially.

Eva lets go of the hand she’s holding and watches with a small contented smile when it reached weakly across William’s back, latching onto the fabric of his shirt just as hard and as desperate as William is latching onto Chris. The arm wrapped protectively around his torso remains unmoved, sandwiched under William’s body but not pressing down on his injured ribs.

They stay like that for a long while until Chris releases a shuddering breath and he can’t keep his arm up and steady anymore, letting it drop back down to the bed. Eventually William reluctantly lets go but he doesn’t move from his position, still grasping Chris by the shoulders and staring him in the face from just inches away.

“I’m _so_ sorry, Chris,” William says, his face the very essence of regret and guilt.

Chris’ face on the other hand is one of confusion and he stares right back. He inhales a few times before being able to muster up the strength to open his mouth to ask “ _W…hy?_ ”

William looks slightly taken aback by the question when he answers. “For letting this happen to you. _Again_. For being the _reason_ this happened. It should have been me. I’m the one they want. I’m the one they always wanted. You always end up taking the beating meant for me. You’re always getting hurt because of me.”

Eva wonders if she should leave, this situation seems like private affair between the two guys and she didn’t want to be an eavesdropper. But Chris turns his eyes on her as if asking for her help. His own weakness and inability to communicate the way he wants seem to be frustrating him if he’s actually turning to _her_ for help. Eva’s not sure what exactly Chris wants her to do since she didn’t think she’s close enough to William (or to Chris for that matter) to actually be put in this position of power.

But Eva also thinks that she’s done a lot of growing up in the past two years. Gone was the doormat Eva who always put her opinion second to everyone else, who only wanted to please everyone else before her own self, who deep down didn’t truly think herself worthy.

 _This_ Eva on the other hand, this Eva speaks her fucking mind.  

“Sorry William, but that’s crap.” William looks completely taken aback and even Chris looks startled by Eva’s choice of words, but he doesn’t look unimpressed. “I mean, how could you have known that they were going to do something like this? Are you psychic?” Without waiting or even giving William a chance to answer, Eva gives her own definitive answer to the question.  “ _No_. You’re not. You couldn’t have known. You couldn’t have known Chris was going to run into them.  You couldn’t have known that one of them would actually go to this length. It’s been a year; you couldn’t have known that they would actually keep a grudge for this long. Guys fight with other guys all the time, I mean look how long your rivalry have been going on. Girls fight with each other too and you know, while we’re not as violent as your guys, girls can be doubly more brutal. Look at me and Iben. I kissed her boyfriend. Me and Ingrid? I _stole_ her boyfrie—anyway…they have every reason to hate me but all three of us were just at a party chilling together. My point is you couldn’t have known this was going to happen, none of us know how fights and rivalries will turn out, so unless you actually had a premonition of this happening and decided _not_ to tell Chris, then none of this could possibly have been your fault.”

Eva lets the silence hang in the room once she ends her spiel. William and Chris are both staring slack jawed at her and the truth is she actually feels quite accomplished for it.

Then William laughs, and Chris is smiling at her with tenderness in his eyes that she’s never seen before and her heart swells about two sizes.

“Okay, Eva. You’ve convinced me,” William says, staring fondly back at her and Eva thinks that she better tread carefully, because she’s starting to see what Vilde and Noora and 90 percent of the Nissen girls see when they look at William. But then she glances at Chris, and even in that condition, bruised and injured and in that weakened state, she spots the familiar mischievous glint in his eyes and the weak smile he managed just for her and Eva thinks, _‘Nah, Noora can keep William.’_

Eva lets the moment pass as William turns back to Chris, his tone much more subdued that it was just a second ago, but weight seemingly lifted off his shoulders for the first time in a while. He says in all seriousness, looking his friend straight in the eyes, “I’m sorry I didn’t have your back.”

Chris smiles, his eyes gone from glazed over and unfocused to recognition to regret and acceptance and humour but have now settled somewhere between bleary with exhaustion and sleep. “ _Y’ have it…now._ ” And it seems to be everything William needed to hear at that moment.

William reaches over again to grasp Chris by the shoulder. “Go back to sleep, Chris. I’ll be right here when you wake up, alright? The guys are all out there as well and everyone’s been really worried about you—” he says and adds as almost an afterthought, looking at Eva, “—even Isak.”

Eva did not expect that last mention at all and it caused her to let out the worst most unladylike snort that even managed to drag a grin out of William.

Chris didn’t seem to notice, he was already lost halfway between reality and the land of sleep. He tries in vain to blink the sleep away, looking between William and Eva as if their presence could somehow keep the sleep at bay.

Eva reaches over again to run her fingers through his hair—distractedly she wonders why she’d never done this before, his hair was incredibly soft and it comforted her as much as it apparently did him. “It’s okay Chris. William’s right, we’ll be right here, okay. I’ll even tell you the origin story about why I’m so bad at math when you wake up if you want.”

And Chris smiles his gorgeous smile and Eva thinks for certain that she’s in too deep right then. But when she thinks of the worry and the uncertainty she’s felt over the last few agonizing hours, after having actually faced a reality where she would never find out what _this_ was or where it could go, being this deep in over her head with this particular person didn’t actually seem like the short end of the straw any more.

Next thing she realizes is that Chris has finally drifted off back to sleep. His breathing is still shallow and uncomfortable, but his sleep this time actually seems peaceful.

William’s resumed his seat by Chris side, pulling his chair closer to the bed and just watching as his best friend sleeps on unperturbed. “You don’t have to stay Eva. I’m not going to leave him this time. You can come by in the morning, after getting a decent sleep and maybe some breakfast.”

“Nah,” she says simply. “I made a promise,” she says and William seems to understand. He doesn’t argue further, only tearing his eyes away from the sight of Chris to lock gazes with Eva; the gratitude coming across in waves without him having to say the words.

“Thank you,” he says anyway. “Thank you for being here, for him and for me and for kicking my ass into gear. Thank you for caring about him for him. He doesn’t really have that many people in his life who do.” William looks like he’s said a little too much by the time he finishes, so Eva doesn’t inquire further. “He told me you were there for him when he injured his arm. So…thanks for that too.”

Eva doesn’t know what exactly to reply to that, the thoughts of that day crashing back like a distant yet fond memory. “It’s nothing.”

“No, it is something,” William says seriously. “Chris has always had my back and I’ve always had his, except evidently when he needs it the most. But—you know, he’s not the person people make him out to be. Girls like him cause he’s good looking and he’s fun, but how many of those girls would actually stick around when he isn’t being his usual fun self. I can tell you from experience—very few.”

Eva can do nothing but stare at William and glancing over at Chris intermittently as he’s talking. She feels like she’s hearing so much about Chris at this moment, more so than she thinks she really deserves. But there’s not hesitance in Williams voice when he’s talking so Eva just keeps her mouth shut and listens.

“But you somehow always even up being around during the not-so-fun moments and for some reason, you’re still here…so—umm…thanks.”

Eva finds herself speechless for a moment, the heat of a blush slowly creeping its way across her cheeks. “Y-You’re welcome—umm, I guess. Umm…” she feels herself toeing the floor with her boot as the silence hangs awkwardly between them, but William has a warm smile on his face as he takes in her nervousness and somehow all that does is make her feel even more nervous.

Both William and Chris have the same kind of intensity in their stares that they don’t bestow on people often but when they do…well, see her and Noora’s situation for an elaboration.

“I—I think uh—I think I—I should go see if there’s still anyone in the waiting room waiting for news or something, you know. Like, since you’re here and—umm, well… I’ll go.”  Eva couldn’t get herself out of there quicker after her stuttering pitch and she pretends not to notice the fond look William shoots her before she steps out of the door. A thought halts her immediately in her step and she she’s pretty sure her brain to mouth filter had a defect, either that or hanging around Noora for this long finally rubbed off on her. Her thoughts are about Noora incidentally when she turns around suddenly to face William; her mouth moving silently before she managed to elicit actual words. “Speaking of _sticking around_ though, you know—uh, Noora deserves someone who does too. I…just thought I’d put that out there.” She says finally and walks out without waiting for William’s response.

The walk through the hall is dreary and depressing; doctors scurrying past and nurses pushing patients in wheelchairs down the corridor. A glance at the clock for the first time that night tells her it’s almost 4 o’clock in the morning. It’s been almost 9 whole hours since the party and before she felt her entire life get uprooted and turned on its head. She’s pretty sure everyone has gone on home by this time; she and William have been in that ICU room with Chris for maybe 3 hours. There might be a few Penetrator stragglers with nowhere to go loitering around waiting for an update or a couple who’d fallen asleep. She hopes Sana and the others got home safe. She thinks she should send all of them a text tomorrow to apologize for messing up their night. She doesn’t really realize that’s he’s doing exactly what she chided William for doing not 15 minutes ago.

The minute before she steps though the doors of the now far too familiar waiting room it feels like the past 9 hours have suddenly come crashing into her at full speed. She isn’t sure how she managed to get from point a. the ICU, to point b. here, without stumbling over her own two feet and landing in a heap on her face. There are voices inside the room and vaguely Eva wonders how many other families and friends just had their entire night fucked up since the waiting room still sounds like it’s filled to the gills.

She thinks nothing more of it when she pushes open the double flap doors only to come face to face with—

 _Everyone_.

Her friends and the Penetrators have all intermingled together to form a sort of mish-mashed motley crew. Sana, Jonas and Chris with a couple of wide eyed Penetrator guys (and Chris) looking at Sana like they were both terrified and turned on at the same time and Jonas looking way too amused by the whole thing. Vilde with Magnus in the corner looking suspiciously dishevelled. Penetrator Guy #3 and Mahdi having a rather animated discussion on what seems to be the topic of waffles. Eskild beaming in the middle of the room like he truly was the center of everyone’s universe being surrounded by most of the remaining Penetrators who weren’t with the rest of the group or fallen asleep. Even is near the far of the room being sandwiched between Isak and Noora, a position Eva had comfortably found herself in just earlier that night. Even is staring at the ceiling, but smiling once in a while as Isak continues to draw squiggles and doodles into the palm of his hand with his finger.

Noora is the first one to notice her enter. Her gentle exclamation of “Eva” halt all the activity in the room as everyone’s attention turns to the figure that just entered through the door.

For a second Eva wonders if this is what it feels like to be one of the Penetrators, to have their sheer presence be a conversation stopper and people looking up at them in wonder when they pass by. It’s not a feeling she ever wants to be comfortable with, but at this moment with this groups of people, she admits that she doesn’t hate the feeling.

“How is he?”

Someone asked as the group begins to convene on her.

“He’s pretty out of it. He woke up for a while earlier but he’s asleep again now. But he seems okay, in some pain, but I guess that’s normal. William is with him now and I don’t think William’s going to leave his side for quite a while.” A palpable sigh of relief rushes through the room. “Sorry it took so long to come and tell you guys. We actually thought most of you had left.”

It’s Noora who chides her gently this time. “We said we’ll be right here for you, didn’t we?”

“Yeah,” Eva answers sheepishly. She looks out at the crowd gathered around her again. Her friends, Jonas’ friends, Noora’s friends, Chris and Williams friends; what William had said about Chris earlier still rings in her ear and Eva thinks that William couldn’t have been more wrong. It wasn’t just her and William; it was these people before her too. Maybe not directly, maybe some of them just by association, but Chris meant a lot to Eva so he means a lot to her friends by extension, same goes with the Penetrator guys.

All the people in the room, everyone standing before her, they were family. Nor by relation or by blood, not through a sense obligation or need, but through choice and through love, the kind of family they made for themselves.


	6. William

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Chris is safe and sound, we finally find out what really happened to him that night.

So, her and Chris, huh?

Eva has had a lot of things to reflect on over the last couple of hours; her relationship with Chris being the most precedent topic. A few hours ago she probably would have said her _non-relationship_ with Chris, but this Eva was different than the Eva that was at the _Kose_ party that evening, getting semi wasted and making vulgar Christmas decorations with her friends. Or what was it that Chris called them? Her _crew_?

If someone had told her when she started first year that not only would she end up breaking it off with Jonas; _be_ the one to break it off, end up finding a group of the most unlikeliest of people to be her friends. Actually _have_ her very own group friends. Cheat on Jonas with arguable the biggest whore in school after accusing _him_ multiple times of cheating. End up being friendly acquaintances if not actual friends with the person whose boyfriend she stole and the person whose boyfriend she hooked up with and _then_ actually end up hooking up with said whore and actually end up in a relationship that one might even consider intimate and maybe even romantic with him.

If someone had told Eva all that back then, she would have said that they were pretty fucking crazy.

But that’s exactly where she finds herself, both emotionally and physically in that moment.

She and William are a constant presence at Chris’ side through the whole thing.

Chris is in the hospital for 6 days. He spends nearly 36 hours in ICU after the surgery, slightly longer than the doctors had hoped because of a high fever and chest congestion. The nurses explained that it was probably the result of being intubated when he was brought in and during the surgery, as well his body going into shock after his traumatic injuries and from being out in the cold for who knows how long the night it all happened. None of the medical personnel seemed overly concerned but William was beside himself with worry the whole time. Every time Chris coughed, aggravating his ribs and his injured side and almost ended up in tears from the pain, a little piece of William seemed to wither away on the inside.

At one point, his cough had gotten so bad and he was in so much pain, the doctors had to have him sedated for a few hours so that his body would get the chance to rest. William had to leave the room because he was so distraught almost to the point of tears. There was nothing Eva could say to him them that could have eased his guilt. It was one thing comforting someone’s guilt over getting another person hurt. It was entirely different thing trying to ease the guilt of someone watching his best friend suffering knowing that he wasn’t without culpability; after all it was probably William they were after.

Eva stays by Chris’ side through everything even though he probably didn’t even realize she was there. Once he wakes up, this time with a mask covering his mouth and nose instead of the nasal cannula helping him breathe easier, he’s once again disoriented and confused, but at least he doesn’t seem to be in pain which was the most important part.

Eva is there by his side when his bleary eyes crack open. William is out in the hallways talking with one of the doctors about something, Eva doesn’t really know what, but it seems to be official hospital business.

She never asked about Chris’ parents or his family before, but she doesn’t deny their absence at this point does rouse her curiosity. What kind of parent wouldn’t be by their child’s side when they’ve been through something like what Chris went through? Getting stabbed, almost dying. Suffering and in pain. But the expertise in which William handled the whole thing only shows that he’s probably been doing this for a long time. She knows a little about William’s story and his family, only what Noora’s told them. His brother is a nasty piece of work and neither of his parents seem like contender for parent of the year. Eva wishes her mom was around more and that they had more of a relationship, but she thinks that compared to William’s and Chris’ parents, hers seems like the poster girl for world’s best parent.

She feels Chris shifting slightly beside her before she actually sees him reach up to pull down the oxygen mask.

“Hey,” she chides softly, allowing a relieved grin to brighten her face when she scoots the chair closer to the bed and reaches up to grasp the hand holding the mask at his chin. “That’s there to help you.”

Chris meets her gaze for a few extra seconds, like he’s trying to decide whether he’s still dreaming or waiting for the moment Eva disappears into thin air.

She doesn’t.

“I told you I’d be here when you woke up didn’t I? Ye of such little faith,” Eva doesn’t know whether she’s putting up the chipper façade for Chris or to convince herself that everything was going to be okay. Even though she’s smiling on the outside, trying to keep a strong front for Chris and William and everyone back in the waiting room who put everything on hold just for her and Chris, deep down she’s traumatized. Traumatized by the worry and the fear and the sadness and while trying to pretend everything was okay when she didn’t really know whether it really was okay in her heart.

But Chris was here in front of her, eyes open, awake and present; _alive_. It meant that everything else still had a chance to be sorted and worked out; that whatever _this_ was had its chance to be sorted and worked out.

Eva didn’t know what this was between her and Chris, but she wants to find out if it’ll actually go somewhere. She owes it to both her and Chris to give whatever this is a chance.

Chris asks about William, and Eva tells him that William is talking with the doctor. The remorse on Chris’ face tells Eva that this probably isn’t the first time William’s had to do that same exact thing.

 _Curiouser and curiouser,_ Eva thinks. But she isn’t all that surprised. She feels like she’s learned more about Chris in the last couple of hours than the entire year she’s known him, or even in the last couple of weeks that they’ve been…what…dating? Not dating? Hooking up?

All of a sudden he turned into someone she looks forwards to seeing. Someone she genuinely wanted to spend the Kose Christmas party with. Someone she wanted to have Christmas dinner with. Someone she wanted to introduce to her mother. It wasn’t that she was ashamed by Jonas that she was reluctant to introduce him to her mom. She was ashamed of herself to do so.

But she isn’t ashamed of this; meeting Chris that first time on the dance floor, dragging him into the women’s bathroom for Vilde. The embarrassment that followed when it turned out that it was the wrong Chris, all the subsequent meetings with Chris at the Penetrators’ party, culminating in the ill-fated hook-up during Halloween. They fell out of touch after that, after Eva convinced Iben to dump him for being a cheater and she reconnected with Ingrid after admitting that she’s been such an asshole to her for stealing Jonas. Dumping Jonas, reconnecting with Ingrid and developing a mutual friendship with Iben seemed to be the turning point in Eva’s life. She felt like she didn’t have to pretend anymore, to live a fake life and to feel the constant stab of guilt every time she looked at Jonas and Ingrid and Iben and Chris.

The first time they met after that Christmas party, it felt like they were finally on an even playing field. They know each other, knew _of_ each other; both of them were finally single and unattached; both of them shared this history that no one else couldn’t truly understand. Chris still hooked up with a shit load of girls every night, Eva can’t help but roll her eyes every time she turns around and Chris is locking lips with one girl or another. But there was just something about the way his eyes would casually find Evas’ even when they’re on the opposite sides of the room. The way his lips would be roaming the mouth of whichever girl he had on his arm at the time, but his eyes would always be on Eva, his gaze would be roaming Eva’s body up and down, and even when she was piss assed drunk, she’d never fail to notice the heat of the gaze when it found her. It was unnerving but not uncomfortable. Unasked for, but not unwanted. It was gratifying.

It wasn’t until William left for England and Noora went after him that Eva and Chris truly found a camaraderie that truly no one else could understand. William was Chris’s best and closest friend. Eva still had Sana, Vilde and Chris, but Noora was her very first friend and arguably the closest person she’s ever been to. Their absence was truly painful.

But then Noora came back and William didn’t and Eva couldn’t help but feel like she cheated Chris somehow. That it felt somehow unfair that she had her best friend back and he didn’t.

William didn’t say anything to her about what she said about Noora when she returned to the room. Eva didn’t know whether it was because it was trying to avoid it or because he was genuinely giving the words some thought. She hopes it’s the latter though.

Chris is still looking at her with an unreadable expression when she turns back to him. She meets his eyes. “Hey,” she says again, this time with a tone she hopes conveys just how happy she is to see him and to see him awake.

He replies with a soft, whispered ‘Hey’ of his own after a while and Eva feels her grin widening.  But when Chris continues with a question which she has to lean in to hear, asking her about her _crew_ , she flashes back to their very first actual conversation at that party which now seems like a million years ago. She lets out the first laugh in a while that she feels to be truly genuine.

“You were right even back then,” she says. Chris replies with an eyebrow raise. “They are my crew…and maybe this whole Russ thing isn’t as lame as I initially thought.”

Chris gives her a weak smirk, but Eva thinks it’s the best sight she’s ever seen. “Girls are still…” he says, “…so much drama.”

Eva laughs.

Eva and William stay for the duration of those 36 hours, though at certain points Eva acts as the go-between for William and the visitors who keep coming to the hospital to hear how Chris is doing or maybe be able to see him. Her own friends eventually left for home but only after Eva has insisted to the point of pleading.

Chris is asleep more than he’s awake but everyone agrees that it’s for the best. William hasn’t left his side for a minute unless he absolutely has to which is when the nurses are by to check on Chris and the two times he had to step out into the hall because he was so overwhelmed by Chris being in pain.

The 36 hours eventually just coast by; although a few times it felt like time was going at an excruciatingly slow pace. Eventually the doctors decide that Chris is well enough, his fever has gone down and the assisted oxygen helped with his breathing difficulty, enough for him to be moved to a regular room. It was a long awaited and much needed good turn of events and Eva just reciprocated the embrace when William turned to hug her. The only downside was that both Eva and William had to leave while the nurses performed whatever procedure it was that they needed to do before moving him to the regular room downstairs.

William was reluctant to leave until Chris assured him that it was okay, that _he_ was okay. Eva could see how scared Chris was deep down but she respected him for not showing it for Williams’s sake.

It’s then that both William and Eva find themselves trudging reluctantly back towards the now all too familiar waiting room. They’re both silent but words didn’t really feel needed. Chris was going to be okay, he was already so much better at this point and that was truly the only thing that mattered to both of them.

They’re greeted by the sight of a packed room when they throw open the door.

There are most of the Penetrators, as if somehow knowing that they were about to get some long awaited good news, and a few of Eva’s own crew; Noora and Sana specifically. It takes a couple of seconds when they enter before anyone notices their presence. Everyone seems to be crowded around a section of chairs in the middle of the room, even Noora and Sana seemed to be in the midst of it all even though they weren’t in the middle of the crowd. The mood in the room seemed oddly sombre and Eva and William exchange a look.

Eventually someone notices them standing awkwardly near the entrance and signals to the others with a pointed finger. When the gathered crowd disperses slightly, Eva can see a blond figure sitting hunched over in the middle of the crowd. He doesn’t react to news of their arrival; he’s just sitting there with his head bowed onto his knuckles, looking every bit the picture of misery.

The way William suddenly tenses up beside her tells Eva that there was something going on there that she wasn’t aware of and looking at the sympathetic faces of the people around, even on Noora and Sana’s, Eva thinks that she’s the only one in the rooms that’s not in the loop.

The hunched figure eventually lifts his head when the chatter in the room begin to die down and only then does Eva recognize him as the only other Penetrator besides William and Chris that she’d actually recognize in a crowd; the one with the shoulder length blonde hair that’s always in the immediate vicinity of either William or Chris or both. She thinks his name is Erik something, she isn’t too sure, but only then did she realize that she hadn’t seen him at all during the last two days which now seemed peculiar since she assumed that he must have been the third-in-command of the Penetrators after William and Chris.

His gaze immediately finds William once he realizes he’s there and Eva swears that even from that distance she can see a pool of glistening tears form in the corner of his eyes. William makes a beeline towards him without a word, leaving Eva to trail confusedly after him.

Erik is barely on his feet when William approaches and immediately pulls him into the tightest, most encompassing bear hug which he reciprocates automatically, latching onto William and grasping at the material on his back almost desperately.

Eva has absolutely no clue what’s going on.

She notices a presence out of the corner of her eyes and look up to see Noora and Sana walking up to her. Their expressions are uncharacteristically solemn which makes Eva even more confused. She thought the worst had at least passed. Chris was safe, hurt, but safe at least and in a place where there were people around to take care of him. The Penetrators were oddly silent. There wasn’t any chatter going on, no playful banter. Even when Chris’ condition was still uncertain, when he was in the operating room fighting for his life, the guys at the very least could still find a way to laugh. There were still a couple who could find the humour in taking the piss out of each other. But right now the entire atmosphere of the room was like someone just died. No one laughed, no one spoke, no one made eye contact with Eva long enough for her to ask what was going on.

When Sana and Noora sidled up to her, Eva only had to raise a silent eyebrow for the girls to understand her confusion.

“He was the one who found Chris,” Sana tells her and those seven little words immediately cause Eva’s inside to clench in sympathy.

“I thought the guys only got there after the ambulance arrived?”

“That’s what everyone thought as well. But Erik was the one who found Chris and called the ambulance. He stayed with him till help came. He’s been giving his statement at the police station so we’re just hearing the real story now. I think he called William, so William probably knew most of the actual story.”

Eva exhales loudly, looking over at William who still has his Penetrator brother in a tight embrace, and the guy latching on back with his entire being. Only the slight shake in his shoulders and the way his face is buried in the crook of William’s shoulder gives away his sobbing. Eva tries to put herself in his shoes; finding his best friend half dead and bleeding in an deserted alley, not knowing whether he was going to live or die, the fear and the helplessness of the situation and she thinks that she can’t even begin to imagine how terrifying that must have truly been.

Eventually William and Erik finally pull apart, with more hesitance on William’s part than the other way around. Erik’s wiping his eyes with the back of his hand when William voices the question that’s been plaguing Eva ever since they walked into that room together.

“What happened?”

Eva finds Erik who once again has taken a seat on one of the hard plastic chairs. William takes a seat beside him and reaches over to circle his arms around Erik’s shoulders in a comforting way. Eva watches the way his eyes focus on a spot on the floor that no one else can see, as if dredging up a dark memory from the recesses of his mind; a memory that he’d probably sooner forget than vocalize out loud.

Erik was leaving a party when William called asking about Chris. He’d just been out drinking and hooking up with the hot dancer chicks with the guys, but everything just didn’t feel right without William and Chris there. William’s absence was apparent, and it affected Chris a lot more than he liked to let on. It also caused Chris to pull away a lot from the guys; he seldom went out to party with them after William left, mostly he stayed at home and once in a while Erik would actually catch him in the corner of the room at a party hooking up with a girl he’d later found out to be Eva.

But partying and drinking just wasn’t as much fun as it used to be without his two closest friends.

Then came the Christmas party, which William was supposed to come back for but cancelled at the last minute, and Chris had told them belatedly that he wasn’t coming to the dancer party with them because he’d been invited to another party. Everyone was more than eager to take the piss out of him for that, but no one really ever took it far. Chris seemed different, changed somehow. He didn’t sashay around with two girls on his arms and a gaggle of more waiting in the wings. He seemed calmer somehow, more subdued, no one really wanted to put a time frame for when they first noticed that happening, but it was sometime after the ambush by the Yakuza guys. It was a brutal incident, and for a second there the guys involved really thought that they weren’t going to walk out of that fight on their own two legs; Chris barely walked away of his own volition, but that fight and the subsequent retaliation fight seemed to invoke a realization in Chris somehow. He wasn’t as hot-headed and brash after that as he’d been in the past and even the most oblivious of the guys started to notice.

Then came the moment he turned down the hot dancer party for what they’d later learn to be a Kose group party and no one could really believe that. But he said it without a speck of humour in his voice, just straight forward and serious and truth be told no one really knew how to react to that. But then he mentioned Eva, and after about a minute of trying to think of which Eva he was talking about, Erik could see that he genuinely liked the girl. If it were anyone else in the group, Erik and the guys would have had a field day taking the mickey out of him over it, but this was Chris, and no matter how much more chill he’d become with maturity, everyone knows that he could still kick their asses. So everyone wisely kept their ‘whipped’ comments to themselves.

Erik wasn’t really concerned by the strange phone call at first; honestly there was no reason to be. It wasn’t unheard of for Chris to disappear into the backroom with a girl or two from time to time and there was no evidence to the contrary in this case. That was until he started getting calls and texts from the guys besides William, even one from Jonas whose number he only had because of the trouble with the Yakuza guys last year. That was when he started getting a bit concerned, especially after the fourth call gone unanswered by Chris.

He’d gone ahead and left earlier than the other guys so it was just him wandering around on that cold and dark evening. The streets were deserted, besides a couple of people walking around hand in hand and a few straggles roaming the streets looking for a party.

Erik was barely tipsy which felt absolutely bizarre. He hasn’t left a party sober since the day it became legal for him to drink.

He’d gone to Chris’ house first, because that was the most logical place to start, but after the fifth knock went unanswered from the darkened apartment, Erik eventually accepted that maybe Chris really wasn’t home. He decided to take the route Chris would most likely take to get to the Kose party. It wasn’t until he was down the street that he realized that he didn’t know where the Kose party was actually taking place. He hadn’t replied to the message from Jonas, so it turned out to be an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. He got the address simply enough and without even having to explain, which wasn’t surprising. Jonas asking about Chris meant that the people there, most likely Eva, had gotten the call from William or someone else about Chris as well and even they were concerned.

The street was cold and dark and truthfully kind of depressing, not like how movies and TV shows liked to make out the holiday season to be. Erik didn’t even know how long he walked or honestly where he even was when by absolute chance he decided to try calling Chris’ number again.

The dial tone sounded through his receiver and truthfully he hadn’t expected an answer. But what he expected least was hearing the sound of Chris’ ringtone sounding from the dark alley on his left.

For a second he thinks he imagined it and tries calling it a second time, only to end up in the same position, hearing the familiar RnB ringtone blaring out from the darkness.

His steps are slow and cautious as he steps close to the bend, peeking from around the corner into the unforgiving pitch blackness. His heart is thumping relentlessly in his chest and his throat suddenly feels too dry. He wonders if it was too late to foot it to the nearest grocery store for a beer when the blaring honk of a truck passing by shocks him out of his thoughts. The brief moment the brightly illuminated truck zooms past is enough to brighten the dark alley for Erik to see through the blackness and notice…

He doesn’t know what he just saw, only pitch black and the sudden blinding light and the dark alley and…

A figure laying unmoving on the ground.

It takes him about 2 seconds as the gears in his mind fall into place and before his brain could even decipher what was happening, his heart and his instincts sent his legs leaping forwards towards the dark with an agonising cry of, “Chris!”

His body is moving automatically, his heart is pumping buckets, pounding against his ribcage like a jackhammer. He feels his knees hit the freezing pavement and coming skidding to a halt before he can register his own body stopping mid run.

His hands frantically trail over Chris’ far too cold figure, trying to find…something, a pulse, anything, he doesn’t even know what he’s looking for before he feels the dull thudding of a weak pulse against his fingers.

“Chris!” he calls out again, knowing deep down it was a futile act but hoping against hope that somehow he’d receive and answer, a movement, anything!

But Chris doesn’t response. His pulse is weak and his body is too cold.

Erik fumbles with his phone, trying to find the app to switch on the light as his other hand moves down Chris’ torso and his chest. He doesn’t know what he’s trying to feel for; a heartbeat? He felt a pulse, it was weak but it was there. His hand touches Chris side and comes away wet and Erik is concerned that Chris might be laying in a puddle of water, which wouldn’t be good for his already hypothermic body.

Eventually he finds the app and the light from his cell phone brightens the immediate surrounding area sevenfold.

But his hand is drenched in a strange red liquid, trickling in between his fingers and down his wrist, dripping down to splatter on the cobble stone ground. There’s more of the liquid on Chris’ white shirt and his coat, dying the fabric an eerie red colour all down the side and pooling all round him like a halo.

“C-Chris?” Erik manages to stutter out as her watches the thick red mess almost hypnotically and it finally dawns on him why the liquid looks so strange. Why it feels so strange. Why it smells so strange; the coppery tinge in the air and in his throat making his eyes water and his insides churn. He never knew that blood had a smell; he knew it tasted terrible, like a having a copper sandwich for breakfast and not brushing your teeth after. But it never occurred to him that you could also smell the copper in the blood from a far. But maybe you could only smell blood when there’s a concentrated amount of it in one small area.

Chris is drenched and lying in a pool of his own blood.

And so is Erik.

He’s not sure how he managed to call the ambulance; what he even said or if he made a lick of sense to the dispatcher. But he hears the distant sound of the sirens coming closer and closer and it takes all his will power not to hurl. He’s holding Chris against his chest with one hand, desperate to get his own body heat to warm the coldness of his friends’ still figure; the other covering the area where the blood seemed to be leaking out of his body, trying to stop the blood from flowing out. There was too much blood around and it needed to stay inside of Chris.

Erik isn’t that good at science and outside of partying and hooking up, he admits that he usually leaves the thinking up to William and Chris, but he knows that blood needs to be _inside_ a person, not on the outside staining their clothes or the rocky pavements on the ground. But no matter how hard he tried, how much pressure he put on the wound despite it probably being excruciating for Chris if he were awake, nothing seemed to be working. The thick red liquid was still flowing out from in between his fingers and through the crevice of his palm.

“Chris. Come on, Chris! Stay with me.”

The siren wails come closer and closer but it feels like they’re taking ages to arrive.

Chris is silent and far too pale and his lips are far too blue. Every time a shudder runs through his body, Erik feels his hope lifted and immediately crushed when Chris’ eyes stay closed and his quivering lips get bluer and bluer.

He doesn’t hear the ambulance arrive; only that the dark alley suddenly becomes a beacon of light and he can finally see his friend properly once his eyes readjust to the brightness.

He wishes it were dark again.

It feels like slow motion from then on, watching the paramedics rush over. Watching them gently pry Chris out of his reluctant hands. Watching their hands work diligently; cutting open his shirt and trying to treat him as quickly as they can out there in the cold. He can’t tear his eyes away from Chris’ chest, and he doesn’t want to, only because then he’d have to look at the gaping wound in his side that’s still oozing dark red blood. He looks at Chris’ face and it isn’t much better. The side of his face is bruised and bloody; the split above his eyebrow is still bleeding and his face is chalk white.

The paramedics are throwing around words and medical mumbo-jumbo that goes completely over his head. He tries listening to the words from the sound of his heart beating in his hears, but the voices are muddled and the words are intelligible. The guys in front of him are working swiftly and with concentration etched onto their faces. Erik can’t focus on the sight or the sound. He senses one of the paramedics move to crouch near Chris’ head and his hands fiddling around in his bag; pulling out various medical equipment Erik never thought he’d ever have to see up close. It isn’t until he feels a strong hand grab his shoulder that he realizes that one of the paramedics was talking to him, handing him something that he subconsciously reached for before he really understood what the man was saying.

“Hey, kid. You with me?”

Erik nods.

“What’s your name?” Erik hears his own voice answering but can’t recall actually saying the words. “Erik? Okay, Erik—you need to listen to me okay? Your friend’s name is Chris, right?” Erik doesn’t know how the man knew Chris’ name but he nods anyway. “Okay, Erik. We need your help okay. I want you to hold this, right here—” he hands Erik a green, soft rubber inflated balloon thing, “and I need you to count to three, okay. Full three’s and then squeeze this bag firmly and then immediately let go. Every third count okay? Can you do that, Erik?”

Erik doesn’t know if he was actually listening, but he understood what the man said; watching as his hand wrapped around Erik’s own hand automatically squeezed the thing while he was explaining. Erik nods hesitantly, tearing his eyes away to look at the balloon thing in his hand and verbally counting to three, enunciating each number like his life depended on in. In this case, it was Chris’ life that depended on it.

He feels a pat on his back as the paramedic resumes assisting his partner in trying to stop the bleeding from Chris’ abdomen.

He looks at his friend from under the bag and the tube the paramedic had inserted down his throat and the straps holding it firmly in place. Chris’ face is slack and unresponsive, and truthfully right at this moment, Erik is glad. He counts to three like the numbers were the most important thing he’d ever have to utter and squeezes the green rubber balloon, watching as Chris’ chest rises and falls with each squeeze he administers. In that moment, Erik finally realizes that he has Chris’ life literally in his hands. If he messed up, or if he did something wrong, then his best friend was going to die because of him.

It was an absolutely terrifying thought and he’s so relieved he almost cries when the paramedic reaches over and takes the thing from his hands and the responsibility from his shoulders.

“You did good, Erik. Okay? You did really good. Now we have to get Chris to the hospital okay.”

And that’s how Erik finds himself in the back of a speeding ambulance, drenched in blood, watching the paramedic in front of him desperately trying to keep his best friend alive.

Chris is still unconscious and the hand Erik is latching onto desperately is still icy cold.

All of a sudden he feels the fingers in his grasp start twitching and immediately glances over to Chris’ face, watching with bated breath and apprehension as his eyes slowly crack open.

“Chris!” he exclaims, scooting across the seat closer to the gurney his friend is strapped down on, reaching over with his free hand to grab Chris’ in both of his.

The paramedic’s attention immediately turns to Chris at Erik’s shout.

“Chris? Can you hear me?” He asks, looking down at the teenager laying before him, his hands handling the bag pumping air into Chris’ lungs moving expertly even though his attention is diverted to the teen. “Chris, stay with me, okay?”

“Chris?” It seems like the name is the only coherent word Erik is able to utter. He leans over closer to his friend, but Chris eyes are unfocused, he isn’t even looking at Erik; his bleary gaze looking over his shoulder and at an indistinct spot in the far corner. “It’s Erik. You’re going to be okay, Chris, okay?”

“Chris, stay with me.”

But despite Erik and the paramedic’s pleading, Chris’ eyes slowly slip close again and he doesn’t wake up again for the whole ride to the hospital, not when they wheel him into the emergency room, not before they take him up to surgery.

Erik stays for as long as he can before his parents and the police arrive. He remembers calling William. He thinks he should call the guys too, but he can’t concentrate enough to remember who the guys were or their numbers. He feels numb.

He goes with his parents and the police to the station to give his statement and to tell them everything he knows, which is very little besides the fact that he almost watched his best friend die right in front of him.

William texts that he’s on the way but Erik doesn’t know where William’s on the way to and he doesn’t actually care. He thinks of Chris when he asks his parents to drive him back to the hospital. He needs to see Chris, to know that he’s okay. He needs to be there to see for himself, to see Chris alive with his very own eyes. His parents drive and drive and drive until they pull into his drive way. Erik can only protest weakly when they beckon him worriedly out of the car. He doesn’t remember the walk up the steps or into the house or across the living room and into his room. He doesn’t remember falling face first onto his bed and feeling the mattress dip and his mother’s soft, comforting hands pulling him into her lap. He doesn’t remember crying, sobbing, wailing into her skirt when she runs her fingers through his hair.

He looks at his hands and they’re clean.

He doesn’t remember why they aren’t stained red anymore. It isn’t fair that he can wash his hands clean of the blood, but he can never wipe his mind clean of the images.

Eventually he doesn’t remember anything at all.

The drive back to the hospital later on after his parents tell him that Chris is okay and that it’s been almost two days is in silence. He’s angry at them for not telling him the moment they found out about Chris, but he doesn’t blame them for not waking him up. His mind was a blank space through his slumber and he’s thankful for that. He can’t imagine having to see his friend bleed to death even in his nightmares. The fact that Chris is safe and it going to be okay does very little to comfort him.

He tells his parents that he’s okay and that they don’t have to come when they insist on accompanying him inside. It isn’t that he’s ashamed to walk in with his parents; on the contrary, he thinks that he has the best parents out of the group. William and Chris’ parents are never around and some of the other guys prefer to hang out with friends then go home, which is a telling clue. He just feels the need to do this himself. He’s okay. Maybe if he tells himself that enough times that it might actually be true.

The moment he walks into the waiting room though, all his self-confidence and strength immediately leave him and he barely catches himself from slipping down to the floor when his legs give out. He’s seeing Chris’ bloodied figure like a terrifying echo inside his brain, yelling at him, haunting him, grasping him by the neck like noose.

Julian reaches him first and pulls him into a hug. He doesn’t know if the guys know what happened. He remembers only calling William after it happened, but maybe William already told the guys. He melts shamelessly into the embrace. For the first time since that traumatic night, Erik feels like he isn’t about to fall apart at any moment; that he isn’t hauling the brunt of the weight on his shoulders alone. Right here with these guys, he finally feels it isn’t on him to carry everything by himself.

There are a couple of girls in the room as well, the two he recognizes as William’s girl and the scary Muslim girl all the Penetrator guys are secretly terrified of and partially aroused by.  

They sit him down and let him talk and so he does. He talks and talks and talks. He doesn’t even know exactly what he’s saying but words are flowing and he can’t stop them. It isn’t until the room falls into a tense silence that he stops and finally notices the two people standing by the entrance door.

The moment his eyes fall on William though, he feels every last bit of self-control and whatever pieces he managed to pull together when he got there immediately unravel. The tears that form are warm and annoying and Erik just wants them to go away. But when William marches over and pulls him into an embrace, strong arms grasping his back, Erik remembers the feeling of comfort in knowing that William and all his brothers are there and they have his back.

He cries and he can’t stop himself, but no one says anything. He knows they’re all feeling the terror he experienced and truthfully, he wouldn’t wish the images or the memory even on his worst enemies.

But William is there and Erik knows that he’ll make everything right.

He always does.

Telling the story the second time around isn’t any easier, but he knows that Eva deserves to know what happened too. He finds Eva’s gaze when he finishes telling the story and they’re damp with unshed tears. Eva says, ‘I’m sorry you had to go through that’ and Erik knows in his heart that Chris found himself a good one.

Eva tries not to cry, but she isn’t doing a very good job. Her eyes are wet and for the life of her she just can’t stop her tear ducts from leaking. She feels for Chris having to go through that; the pain and the fear he probably felt. The fact that he might have been unconscious and unaware through most of it seems like a small favour and does very little to comfort her. But she also feels for Erik, for having to experience watching someone he cares about almost dying, for not knowing whether that was going to be the last time he’d see Chris alive, for knowing that he would have been the last person to see Chris alive if he had died.

It was a terrible situation all around and although Eva had not given herself time to think about it before, she knew that all this was inevitably going to come to ahead.

A few of the Penetrator Guys were around when the police came and even though they hadn’t said it outright, everyone had deduced that Chris’ attackers were the Yakuza guys. Apparently there was a CCTV from a shop across the street that caught part of the attack; one of the guys attacking Chris from behind and both of them stumbling into the dark alley, almost half a dozen more disappearing into the same alley immediately after.

And then the next scene is all of them running out frantically a few minutes later.

Eva was furious, but not as much as William and the other guys. She shares a look with Noora and Sana when William and the others start whispering to each other in hushed tones.

“William,” Noora says suddenly, calling William’s attention to her. “Please…please don’t do anything rash this time.” Her tone is of desperation and Eva is sympathetic. The last time Chris was attacked, William decided on a retaliation that almost landed him in prison. This time the outcome was much direr meaning which meant that the retribution was only going to mirror that.

For some reason William’s gaze finds Eva’s and she holds it steadily, hoping against hope that William remembers what she’d said to him earlier in Chris’ room. Hoping that it still applied even to this situation.

William looks like he’s seriously debating his answer inside his head, but if he’s actually giving it some thought then Eva thinks there may be hope for William yet.

And it feels good to be proven right when William crosses the distance in a few short strides and pulls Noora into an embrace.

“I won’t. I promise,” he says and Eva couldn’t be prouder of him at this moment.

All good things, as they say, must come to an end. And this time being proven right feels slightly less good, because there’s a sudden commotion outside the room. It’s so loud that the noise bleeds into the room even with the door closed, although it doesn’t stay that way for long.

The doors swing open with a loud bang before a few familiar guys in their Penetrator hoodies comes rushing in yelling for William. The rest of the guys are on their feet in an instant as William pulls away from Noora.

“What—” Before William could even get the question out the guy in the forefront is already yelling out.

“They’re fucking here! The Yakuza guys, they actually came here!”

Eva is gobsmacked and she isn’t the only one. It’s the first time she’s seen Sana genuinely speechless since the day Vilde said that she was going to return William’s sweatshirt. Noora turns a horrified look towards them before all three of them look back apprehensively at William.

There’s a flurry of infuriated chatter going around the room and most of the Penetrator guys look absolutely livid.

Eva thinks that shit is about to hit the world’s largest fan.

She isn’t even able to finish that train of thought when the poor abused doors open again, this time in a much calmer manner and lo and behold, actual living breathing members of the Yakuza guys who don’t seem to be under any duress or under the influence of any kind of drugs actually walk in of their own volition.

Again, Eva only recognizes one of the three guys; the person who got the bottle facial courtesy of William during that infamous fight.

William to his credit looks actually calm, taken aback but not outright angry and Eva thinks it has everything to do with the vice like grip Noora has on his hand. Noora looks terrified and Eva subconsciously reaches out to grab her free hand, feeling Sana do the same with her own free hand.

“William,” Eva says gently, startling William out of whatever reverie he lost himself in. Neither of them have time to say anything before a couple of the Penetrator guys move threateningly towards the Yakuza guys

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“You guys have some fucking balls showing your face here!”

Vulgar words are thrown about.

William pulls his hand out of Noora’s grasp and throws his arms out wide, acting like a barrier between his guys and the Yakuza’s who don’t seem to be taking any precautions to defend themselves. If Eva had to put a word to their reaction, she’d say they looked apologetic, almost shameful.

“Quiet!” And that word from William is all it takes to immediately make the commotion die down. None of the guys looked happy about it, they were all still furious, but they didn’t seem like they were about to go against William’s direct order.

 _Small favours_ , Eva thinks.

William is calm, but Eva can see that on the inside he’s absolutely furious. His eyes are icy cold and his tone is scathing when he speaks.

“You have two minutes to tell me what the _fuck_ you’re doing here.”

Eva doesn’t think she’s ever been as terrified of William as she is that that very moment. A glance over at Noora tells her that Noora feels exactly the same. A glance over at Sana tells her that Sana looks uncharacteristically turned on by William’s show of ferocity, if that proud smirk is anything to go by.

Eva really doesn’t understand Sana at all.

“Look, William, we’re not here to fight, I swear.” The Yakuza leader approaches William carefully, arms stretched out in front of him as a show of amity. Eva thinks it’s a little too fucking late for that after what they’ve done. “We know about what happened, and I wanted to come and tell you right here, man to man, that we had absolutely nothing to do with it.”

“Bullshit!”

Commotion breaks out again in the room at the statement, which William silences with just a wave of his hand.

“You were caught on CCTV attacking him and you want to say that you had nothing to do with it? You almost fucking killed him!” William raises his voice just an octave but his words are booming.

The guy swallows almost nervously when the crowd of Penetrators converge closer and closer around them.

“No—Look, that’s not what I mean. I know what’s on the footage they captured, and I know members of our group were involved and I’ll take full responsibility for what happened, but this isn’t on the Yakuza. If you want revenge for this then you can take it out on me, I’ll take whatever punishment you dish out.”

That statement seemed to knock the wind out of everyone’s sails, especially Williams’. Everyone seemed to expect the guy to come to plead innocence or shift the blame onto someone else or even fucking gloat. Hell they expected him to get down on his knees to beg for mercy pathetically even more that they expected _this_ ; copping to the attack, taking responsibility, even asking for retribution.

William manages to gather himself up quicker than the rest of the group.

“Talk,” he says, pushing past a few of the guys and making his way towards the seats, motioning for the three Yakuza guys to follow him and do the same. Erik is completely silent through the whole exchange, trailing tensely after William before the Yakuza’s follow suit.

“I know our group have had our differences, hell me and you, we started most of it. And you know you beating me up, and me beating up your guys, it’s not pretty but that’s just how it is for us. You get it right?”

William gives an almost imperceptible nod but he seems to be listening intently.

“But this—what happened, it’s just disgusting and disgraceful and knowing that it was one of my guys who’s responsible just makes me so ashamed.”

“Then who?”

The leader guys inhales deeply for a moment then turns to one of the guys standing at his side motioning towards him to come closer. The guy hesitates, and the third Yakuza guy gives him a hard shove from behind that almost sends him tumbling to his knees in front of William.

“One of my guys. _Former_ guys,” he makes a point to say. “Steinar. He’s always been a bit unbalanced in the head but I never thought he’d actually take it this far. This—” He motions to the person standing, head bowed and shame faced in front of William. “—is Nils. He was there that night.”

This time it only takes a look from William before the hint of a rousing commotion is immediately halted.

“We—We didn’t do anything. It was all that guy, man. He’s fucking crazy—”

“ _Don’t_ fucking grovel. Just tell him what the fuck happened.”

Eva is impressed by the way both he and William were able to control the masses with just a slight shift in tone. That’s probably why they were the leader.

William is facing Nils intently and the guy in return was looking everywhere but Williams direction.

“We were on the way to a party. Stein was the one who saw him, all of us just wanted to leave him the fuck alone. But the motherfucker takes off running suddenly and we didn’t know what the fuck to do so we all just ran after him. They were already duking it out when we got there. None of us laid a single hand on him I swear. But then suddenly he just like—gasps and drops to the ground and Stein kicks him in the chest before we actually see that the fucker is holding a knife. All of us just got the fuck out of there after that.”

William is silent, resting his forehead on his clenched knuckles, pale and bloodless; Eva can see how hard he’s clenching his fist. His face is the epitome of serenity but Eva can tell than he’s a raging storm on the inside.

“So you just left him here?” William says those words so slowly everyone almost had to lean closer to hear it.

“Huh?”

“You didn’t think to get help, or call an ambulance or something? You ran away like fucking cowards and just left him there.” William’s glaring daggers at the person in front of him at this point and he almost leaps to his feet when he releases whatever control he had on his anger and just shouts out in fury. “He almost died!”

The Yakuza leader immediately gets between William and his man, trying to hold William away from him while not giving showing threatening body language to pacify the rabid Penetrators around. To their credit, none of the Penetrator guys take advantage of William’s momentary lapse in control as an excuse to start a fight. Instead Erik and a couple of the guys actually lend in a hand holding William back.

“That’s on us, and I don’t blame you for being pissed,” the leader continues when William manages to calm down a bit. “Like I said, I take full responsibility for what happened and you can take it out on me in whatever way, I won’t fight back. As for Steiner, we’ve turned him over to the police and all the guys who were there that night have given their statements to the police. I promise you that he’ll get what’s coming to him.”

That last bit of information seemed to mollify the masses.

William is breathing hard from the burst of anger a moment ago, but he’s mostly calmed down by this point, rubbing his face obsessively with the palm of his hands and brushing the ever cascading bangs out of his face.

Eva thinks that William is in dire need of a haircut.

Noora dares to take a step forward towards William, reclaiming the hand he’d pulled out of her grasp earlier.

“It’s going to be okay, William. Chris is going to be okay and the guy who did this will get his punishment. It’s going to be _okay_.”

And Eva can almost see the tension leave William’s shoulders as he exhales, lifting Noora’s hand up to his lips and kissing her on the knuckles. He mouths a soft ‘thank you’ to her before turning back to the Yakuza’s. Nils has stepped back into his safe zone that is behind his leader’s shoulder and between the silent third member who’s looking around apprehensively at the faces glaring back at him.

Everyone waits with bated breath as William opens his mouth to speak words that was, truthfully, the last thing any of them expected.

“Thank you,” William says, and there’s an almost comical moment in the room when the Penetrator guys look at each other to make sure they were hearing right. “Thank you for coming here to tell us this. I know you didn’t have to, and I know the outcome could have turned out…bloody, if you hadn’t, so…let’s just leave this feud where it should be, in the past. None of my Penetrator guys will come after you or your boys. And none of the Yakuza target _any_ of my people ever again. And if any one of you even _look_ at Chris funny from now on, it’ll be me and you, one on one. Agreed?”

The leader gives a lopsided smirk at that. “Fair enough. I fucking hate your guts, William, and I always will. But if my Yakuza comes anywhere near you or your group I will fucking deal with them myself.”

“You too, Johan. You’re the most insufferable asshole I’ve had the displeasure of meeting.” But William has a small smile on his face and both simultaneously reach out to grab each other’s hands in a stern grasp.

A little too stern, in Eva’s opinion, like it was one last show of power.

“How is Chris?”

“He’s going to be okay.”

The exchange is short and to the point, but done over their hands still grasping each other tightly.

Boys can be so fucking dramatic.

And just like that the Yakuza guys leave. Not one punch thrown, not one drop of blood spilled. It was a day Norwegian historians would mark down in their books for their descendants; the day the Penetrators and the Yakuza met and actually had a peaceful exchange.

Eva, Noora and Sana shared a similar look of proud disbelief. Noora shares that feeling by smacking William on the mouth with her mouth suddenly, almost throwing them both off balance.

When the nurses come by to tell them that they can go see Chris now, all thoughts of Yakuza and rivalry is immediately forgotten. Eva as expected goes with William and they both drag Erik along with them. Out of everyone in the room, Erik’s the one who deserves to see Chris the most.

Eva watches a lot of heart-warming videos on Youtube during her free time, but watching one unfold with her own two eyes in an experience that transcends words.

From the moment Erik walks in behind Eva and William, seeing Chris on the hospital bed, sitting slightly propped up but sinking comfortably into the pillow behind him, awake and alive, Eva hears a choked sobbing sound she never thought she’d ever hear coming out of a teenage boy in a situation that didn’t take place in a work of fiction.

“Bro,” Chris says with a weak smile. Eva doesn’t know how much Chris knows or remembers about what Erik did for him, but she’s sure he can sense it from the relieved aura radiating off his friend.

Erik approaches the bed immediately, pulling Chris into a hug and burrowing his face into Chris’ shoulder. Eva can barely hear the words when he speaks.

“If you ever do that to me again, you’re no longer my bro.”

Chris laughs and Eva sees the tension drain out of both Erik and William’s shoulders. She hangs back and watches as William approaches the bed, grasping both Erik and Chris by the shoulder.

“We’re going to need to organize another charity event to pay for my plane ticket now cause I’m fucking broke. Preferably one where we all get shit faced smashed. All except for you, Chris, doctor’s orders,” William says.

“ _Bro_ ,” Chris says in a mock dramatic tone and all three of them laugh.

Eva reaches up to wipe a single tear of happiness trickling down her cheek. She leaves the room without a word, leaving the three guys to have their much needed bro-moment. Cause after she’s never letting him out of her sight again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not that much Chris/Eva this chapter, but hopefully I made up for it with length and exposition. Almost 10K guys, holy crap. Next chapter we’re going to go…a slightly different direction, so please look forward to it.
> 
> Feel free to leave some feedback <3


	7. Penetrator Chris

_‘So, you and Eva, huh?’_

  
To his credit, William’s on the other end of the line calling all the way from fucking England and safely out of Chris’ reach so he couldn’t even feel the full brunt of the glare Chris is shooting at the receiver.

 

“Don’t be stupid, William.”

_‘That serious huh?’_

William’s laugh rings out from the other end and Chris really wants to punch him in the face right now.

_‘Truthfully I had my doubts. Borkis isn’t really the most reliable source for gossip and I don’t think Erik would even notice, but even he did. I love the guy, but he’s like the most oblivious person in existence.’_

“I didn’t think you’d call from ten thousand fucking miles away, using up all your cell credit just to piss me off, man. Bad enough you left me behind to clean up your mess and trying to console the guys who, by the way, have become really fucking weepy since you left,” Chris doesn’t want to sound so bitter, especially since it’s been a while since he and William have actually talked. But in his defence, it was William’s choice to up and leave for fucking England and their stupid scones and their stupid tea.

 _‘They the only ones who miss me?’_ William asks jokingly, at least Chris interprets the comment as supposed to come across jokingly. He doesn’t find it particularly hilarious in any definition, especially since it still hits too close to home; the fact that William left him behind, and why? Because of a girl.

It stung something nasty more than he cared to admit.

“You’re the one who decided to leave,” he says and the silence on the other end means that William understood what he meant by that.

_‘I’m sorry.’_

Chris hated apologies; he’d been on the receiving end of far too many from his mom and his dad and after a while even the most heartfelt apology tends to come across as disingenuous.

“It doesn’t matter,” he says, and it’s the truth. He couldn’t convince William to stay so there really was nothing left to discuss. And to be frank, he’s just tired.

_‘Chris—’_

“It’s done, William. No use whining about it any longer. You’re there, I’m here; sharing our feelings or other sappy ass shit like that isn’t going to change anything. Anyway I have a party to get to and I’m sure you have a shit load of your own, so I gotta go.”

_‘Chris, man. C’mon—’_

“We’ll talk about this again tomorrow if it matters that much to you, but right now I really do have to go.”

He didn’t really have to go. The stupid Kose party wasn’t until like 7 and it was only 4 p.m. and it really wouldn’t take him that long to get ready, he didn’t have William’s stupid hair that needed all that primping. He just wanted to peace out and wallow in his own self-pity in the meantime.

_‘Okay then…I—I’ll be back next week for the weekend. We can just hang. Maybe get shitfaced and hook up with some girls.’_

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?”

_‘I mean for you.’_

“You were just teasing me about Eva and you already want me to cheat on her with someone else?”

The soft hmm coming from the other end indicated that William thought Chris made a good point.

“Maybe I should hook up with Iben and bring this whole thing full circle.”

_‘I didn’t mean it like that, Chris.’_

He knew William didn’t. He was just in a particularly bitter mood and William was just the easiest target. “I know. Just—we’ll talk tomorrow. See ya’, man.”

William was obviously must more reluctant to end the conversation than Chris was, but he just obliged hesitantly. Chris waited for the soft, _‘Kay, man’_ before quickly hanging up.

He didn’t mean to take things out on William the way that he had, but he was pissed. At life, at school, at William for leaving, at Noora for coming back; he wanted to be pissed at Eva for getting her best friend back when _his_ best friend was still gallivanting off in the British Isles, but it wasn’t Eva’s fault and he knew that. If anything, Eva proved to be the only thing in his life right now that actually felt right, if a little confusing.

He wasn’t actually sure where they currently stood. Were they a thing? Were they not? He didn’t want to be the first one to bring up the topic but Eva didn’t seem to be concerned about it in anyway. He could understand her hesitance to rush into things, especially with him after what happened the last time they hooked up. Plus her thing with that asshole Jonas who truthfully didn’t deserve her in the first place. Even taking into account Chris’ own less than stellar history with girls and hook ups and the unfortunate way his and Iben’s relationship ended, he could see that Eva always deserved better than the way that guy treated her. But he was one to talk after what happened with Eva and that girl on the stairwell at the Halloween party. Iben deserved better than that and at the time he was too immature and stupid to see that.

He wanted to think that he and Iben managed to patch things up since then. At least they could be cordial with each other when they happened to occupy the same space. He’d seen the way Eva and Iben managed to mend fences between them after everything that had happened and he thought that at the very least he should apologize to her for what he did. After all, he did truly love her at one point. Looking back on it now, he can’t say for certain whether what he felt for her had actually been love or it had just been pressure disguised as love. The guys were the ones pushing him at her, ‘she’s beautiful’, ‘she gives it good’ and all sorts of shit they let fly trying to get Chris to get with Iben so they could get with her friends. He’d stupidly gone along with it and after a while he did feel like he was starting to fall for her, but then Eva happened in that black ballet dress, crying alone at the party and it unlocked something inside him. Despite what the guys were saying and what everyone had been led to believe, he didn’t initiate the kiss, Eva did. He just went along with it.

He’s kissed many girls in his life—maybe even a boy or two. What could he say; he’s always game to try something new at least once. He’s been kissed by probably an equal amount of people who initiated the kiss first, he’s not stupidly humble, he knows he’s a pretty nice looking guy and a lot of people wanted him. But there was just something about the way Eva was looking at him in the split second before she leaned in close. The way the last tear drop trickled down the side of her cheek that he couldn’t look away from. The way her damp eyes glistened with unshed tears and a need, a want that wasn’t usually directed at him as person, only just him as an object of a person’s lust. Iben had the same look in her eyes when she looked at him, but try as he might he couldn’t look back at her with the same kind of emotion. He did feel bad about that.

But as he was looking at Eva, looking back at him, wanting him, he realized in that moment that he wanted her too.

And then Iben walked in and deep down he felt so ashamed he couldn’t look her in the eye.

His thumb finds the sensitive spot on his right wrist, massaging it absentmindedly; the circular motion, the gentle kneading soothed the perpetual numbness he felt down his right hand but it also relaxed him. He’s pretty sure no one ever noticed him doing it and it was for the best.

Thinking of William used to always be a source of comfort. It used to always make him feel better when nothing else could. He cherished the friendship they had, the friendship they built from nothing but a school yard scrap and a broken wrist and it proved to stand the test of time, which is more that he could say about his own family. William was the only person he had in his life that’s always been there for him, even when his own parents turned their backs, prioritising their jobs and their careers before their only son. But he was used to it. He was never surprised by that fact because he’d known all along that they never really wanted him anyway. They gave him an apartment and a car and paid for the things he needed and he only accepted everything because he had to. He was looking forward to getting his own life and his own place and his own car and leaving everything about them behind and not having to look at everything he had and feel like a charity case. He wanted to leave Oslo. He wanted to leave Norway and move somewhere where no one knew who he was. He wanted to leave with William, but William left first without him and it hurt.

He tries not to think about it, shoving the feelings into the back of his mind where it belonged. It was one of the reasons why he preferred hook ups to relationships; there was no attachment, no obligation. You get in and out without anyone getting their feelings hurt, especially the girl. He kind of feels like the girl in this relationship at this point though. Fucking William.

At this point he realizes that he’s been brooding for the past two hours, not that it wasn’t time well wasted. He always enjoyed spending time over thinking shit and bringing himself down. Nowadays, thinking about William only succeeded in doing that.

He ends up staring at two choices of clothing. His regular Penetrator hoodie; it was reliable, comfortable, a safety net in some ways. It was part of his identity a part of who he was, but maybe somewhere along the way he allowed it to become his whole identity.

Penetrator Chris. Hot Chris. Fuckboy Chris.

Never just _Chris_.

He didn’t let it get to him just like he never let anything get to him, after all they weren’t wrong. Or rather, somehow he’d actually allowed them to be right. He never let himself get too caught up in labels but that didn’t mean it didn’t sting sometimes.

Meeting Eva that first time in the club, getting dragged to the bathroom with barely an explanation besides the name Vilde that didn’t really meant anything to him, it felt like a turning point somehow even if he didn’t know it at the time. It was a hot girl dragging him into a place in the back with no one around, it wasn’t an uncommon happening and he just went with it. But that ended up being just a big misunderstanding. It was actually pretty hilarious in hindsight, but at the time he didn’t really find any of it amusing—besides meeting his name twin; he thought she was pretty cool.

It occurred to him suddenly when he was looking at her retreating back disappearing up the stairwell.

He’d just been rejected.

It was an unfamiliar almost disconcerting feeling and he had the whole weekend to try and figure out what actually happened and why he got so upset about it. He soon realized that he wasn’t upset about it, not really. It wasn’t something he was really used to; having a girl actually turn her back on him, reject him by way of disinterest. A girl that didn’t really want anything from him. A girl that didn’t want _him_. It was a conceited way of looking at himself but that was the only way he was used to. He was used to people only wanting something from him: sex, a hook up, a favour, a wingman; shit like that. The only other person who never expected anything from him in return was William.

Eva never asked for anything from him either.

When Monday morning rolled by—a little too quickly for his liking, and he found himself spotting _that_ girl from across the courtyard, he realized that the entire weekend spent being confused about what happened was a weekend wasted. He couldn’t deny that found himself more than a little intrigued, so he greeted her casually, which is more than what he usually does with girls he did end up hooking up with. In the next minute he gets a notification that an _Eva_ started following him on Instagram and the familiar face pops up on his screen when he pulls up the profile picture; it’s quickly followed by a flurry of notifications indicating that the same Eva had liked more than a couple of his pictures. He could barely hold back a smile at that, eliciting an amused query from William when his friend catches up to him on the way to class.

Eva turns out to be quite the puzzle. Her obvious discomfort at being around him at the party is contradiction to her flirty replies to his messages. He isn’t unsurprised when it occurs to him that maybe she really just wanted an invite to the Penetrator party for her and her friends. He’s fine with that. Hey, he might at least score that hook up in the end.

And then the Halloween party happened.

He doesn’t interact with Eva much after he and Iben break up and he’s fine with that. They’re civil to each other at least when their paths cross in the hallways or at random parties, but besides that Chris accepted that nothing was ever going to become of that and that was okay with him. He had other things to focus on anyway what with the upcoming Russ and graduating and wondering what he was going to go after school, whether he wanted to continue living in the apartment and driving the car, failing to stop feeling like he was indebted to his parents somehow for paying for everything he owned.

Getting beat up by the Yakuza guys that night didn’t so much hurt as it did humiliate. The only upside to the whole incident was how it made Chris realize that he wasn’t invincible like he’d lead himself to believe. He’d been in many scrapes in his life and he always ended up coming out on top and that lead him to develop a sort of arrogant self-confidence that didn’t have any place in his life. He realized then that he wasn’t unbeatable; he was just human after all.

But then William comes speeding up in his expensive car, bailing him out like he usually does. Hauling his ass to the hospital all while fussing over Erik and Borkis who at least could get their own legs under them and keep them there, unlike his own legs that felt like jelly attached to the lower half of his body. His head is buzzing and his face feels like someone slapped him with the broad side of an anvil. But William is there keeping him upright, helping him as well as half carrying him towards his car.

Chris can only hope that the blood dripping down his face doesn’t stain William’s fancy upholstery.

He doesn’t really remember much of what happened after that. Not the trip to the hospital or anything that happened after. He just remembers the guys reaching over from the backseat of the car to grasp his shoulder and ask if he’s okay. He wasn’t really. He felt like he was about to upchuck the entire evening worth of food right onto William’s nice carpet but he managed to keep the nausea in check.

The next thing he realizes is being at school the next morning, for reasons beyond even his comprehension. William said that he was the only who insisted on going to school instead of back to his place and Chris can’t help but think that William must have been stupider than him at that moment for actually listening to him. He wishes he were at home in bed.

Eva messages him out of the blue that night and Chris is more than a little touched despite himself. He blames it on the painkillers that were making him a little woozy, but the three simple little words came across as so much more. It wasn’t a question asking how he was. It wasn’t a question asking what happened. It wasn’t even a question, only a simple wish and the insinuation that she was concerned about him.

They text back and forth a couple more times until he accidentally texts back something he was thinking but hadn’t intended on expressing out loud.

_I kind of do._

The painkillers were not only killing his pain but also all his inhibitions. He doesn’t regret sending that text though because it isn’t untrue.

Part two of the drama unfolds like an out of body experience when he actually finds himself dialling Eva’s number and he’s more than a little surprised when she actually picks up.

Truthfully, he can barely remember the conversation or what he even said. He can only hope he didn’t come across as loopy as he felt. Then William pops in unannounced nagging him about soup or some shit like that but then he hears Eva’s laughter rings out from the other end and immediately it feels like a weight’s been lifted off his shoulders. The conversation feels a lot lighter after that, he feels much more engaged even though the painkillers were still making his brain feel all fuzzy and Eva sounds like she was enjoying talking with him which immediately improved his mood sevenfold.

Eventually the blanket of exhaustion he could feel creeping up on him becomes too overpowering and he can feel his eyelids become too heavy to keep open but Eva’s still talking on the end of the line and he doesn’t want her to stop. He drifts off into sleep still hearing Eva’s voice in his ear like a soothing lullaby and when he wakes up the next morning the phone is still by his ear and he’s covered by a blanket he didn’t remember pulling over him before he went to sleep.

After that night their relationship somehow becomes slightly less complicated but at the same time even more complicated than it was before. Then William and Noora start dating or whatever it was they were both doing; William insisted that they were together but the eye roll and the glares Noora would shoot his way seemed to indicate otherwise. Whatever it was, Chris was not interested. He loved William and he wanted his friend happy, but the dude had an even more complicated relationship with girls than he had. At least Chris never indicated that he was interested in anything more than a hook up. Girls knew exactly what they were getting into with him—except Iben, that was a special case. Iben was pretty and she was nice and she seemed to genuinely want something more than Chris was able to give her. Maybe it wasn’t that he wasn’t able to, maybe he just didn’t want to.

But Eva on the other hand…

Eva confounded him. She wanted him but she didn’t want him, she wanted to hook up but she wasn’t sure if she wanted anything more and somewhere along the way it was like she’d taken charge of the relationship. She’d seek him out at a party for a hook up; it didn’t matter if he had another girl at his side waiting for a turn. She’d walk up, grab his hand and drag him off to somewhere more private and a little more closed off and he’d just let her. He liked it. There was something about having the woman take charge and set the terms that he found incredibly sexy. Maybe because he’d gotten away most of his life with doing exactly what he wanted, when he wanted and who he wanted without someone there to tell him to take it slow.

Eva never asked him to take it slow. She didn’t ask him to stop hooking up with other girls. She never said don’t do this and don’t go there and there’s been more than a few times where Eva had walked up to him in the middle of kissing someone else and she’d been a little too nonchalant about it; waiting for him to finish before hauling him off with cheeky grim and the tell-tale flushed look of someone who’d had a little too much to drink.

It had turned into something of a routine; making out with Eva in the backroom of a party and parting ways the moment the party ended and rinse and repeating all the same steps every next night.

Truth was, he liked it.

He liked her.

His only problem at this point was that he wasn’t sure if she actually liked him back the same way. She hadn’t indicated actually wanting anything from him beyond their sordid hook ups and their flirty glances when they pass each other on the street. They didn’t message each other often, only to the point facts about what party to meet up at and when, the occasional good morning texts, but nothing like the ones that started their whole unconventional relationship.

He was angry scrolling through pictures of him and William on his phone the other day when Eva rings him out of the blue. It was an unexpected deviation in routine because outside texts and PM’s they hadn’t actually talked on the phone since the night he called Eva while hopped up on drugs.

“Did someone get beat up?” he asks first thing before she could even get in a hello.

_‘What?’_

“I mean last time we actually talked on the phone was when I got beat up, so I was just wondering what’s the occasion this time?”

Eva seems to hesitate on the other end and Chris feels a little bad _. ‘Nothing. Can’t I just call to say hi?’_

“Sure…hi.”

The silence resumes and Chris doesn’t know whether to be confused or concerned. There was no real reason to be; they weren’t together, so she couldn’t be calling to break up with him. They weren’t attached to anyone else, so she couldn’t be calling to tell him not to say something to someone.

_‘No, that’s not true—actually, there is a reason I’m calling. Actually—uhh, I was just calling—you see, my friends are hosting a Kose party this Friday, at Isak’s place. And I was just—uh, wondering, whether you wanted to come. With me. I know it’s not your scene and you’ve graduated and it’s not your kind of party but I actually would really like it if you went. With me.’_

This time the silence is from his end as he scrambles to process what she said and to find the words to reply.

A Kose party? Him? Him and Eva?

He doesn’t think he’s actually ever been to one. _Invited_. He’s positive he’s crashed more than his fair share back in school, but a Kose party of all things? What do people even do at those things? Mull about and talk about their feelings? Chat? Snuggle in front of the fireplace and share stories about their sad childhood?

His mouth says, “Sure,” before his brain can even come to a logical decision.

But this was Eva and she asked _him_. She thought about _him_ when she was considering who to go with. She didn’t just wait to stumble across him there, drunk off his ass and her drunk off her ass and drag him off to a dark lit corner of the room. She actually had no obligation to do anything whatsoever, but she called him and invited him and sounded like she was actually nervous that he’d say no, if indicated by her almost relieved sigh when she said, _‘Really? So you’ll come?’_

“Yeah, sure. Sounds like fun. Plus you’ll be there. Maybe I’ll get lucky.”

 _‘You’re an asshole,’_ but there’s not bite to her words just like there isn’t any real spice to his. He can almost hear the sound of her smiling through the receiver of the phone and lets out a smile of his own.

“I’m your asshole though, since you invited me.”

_‘So…I’ll see you there? Do you know where the apartment is?’_

“It’s Noora’s apartment right?”

_‘Yeah.’_

“Then yeah, I’ve dropped William there a couple of times and gone joyriding in his car. Don’t tell him that though.”

_‘Great! I’m—uhh, I’m really happy you’re coming though. I’ll see you there.’_

“See you, Eva.”

They both hang up simultaneously and Chris doesn’t think he’s ever felt so warm and squishy on the inside then he did at that moment.

The rest of the week passes by in a blur. He can’t wait for Friday to arrive cause the whole week hadn’t been kind to him in the slightest. He got into a fight with his parents over something or another which already damped his already sour mood. And then William says that he isn’t going to be back until New Year’s, which succeeded into pummelling him deeper into the gravel of bad mood. The only bright spot was looking forward to the weekend and spending time with Eva at the undoubtedly boring ass party. That and the alcohol. He was going to get wasted as fuck and hopefully he and Eva could find some dark closet or a deserted corner or something.

That brings him back to the present moment, still staring stupidly at the choice of outfit he’d laid out in front of him. In the end he settles for a plain white t-shirt and shoves the Penetrator hoodie into the back of his closet again and grabs his favourite cosy black jacket.

 _Think of Eva,_ he chants to himself like a mantra to psych himself up.

He opts to walk the fifteen minute or so distance to the apartment instead of taking his car. Driving the car would lead to thoughts of his parents and he didn’t want that. His parents sucked. Driving the car would also lead to thoughts of William and driving him to the airport so that he could jet off to fucking England and leave him behind in the plane rotor dust. William fucking sucked. Everyone sucked and he didn’t need a reminder of that tonight.

Plus some fresh air never hurt anyone.

He wanted that line engraved on his tombstone because as it turned out, some fresh air _could_ hurt. It could hurt like a son of a bitch.

At first Chris isn’t even sure what was happening. He feels a hard shove from behind and has to catch himself before he falls face first into the pavement. The moment he twirled around through he could feel the heat of a fist hitting him square in the face. This time he didn’t have time to catch himself or stop his quick descent. He stumbles a few feet into the dark alley he’d just passed before he finds himself eating pavement. There isn’t time to think or to process what was actually happening before he leaps back to his feet and this time manages to dodge the clenched fist coming his way before it became reacquainted with his already throbbing eye.

It was like watching the scene unfold in front of him in slow motion. Like a really bad black and white movie he’d seen before and hated but was forced to sit through again. The face attached to the fist that keeps coming at him is familiar. Chris remembers seeing the same smirking face looking down on him the last time he had a flurry of fists coming unapologetically at him and without mercy. This time though—this time his brain manages to process what was happening in that moment, his survival instinct kicked in like a lever being pulled and Chris manages to dodge a couple more blows, deflect a few and actually land couple of punches of his own. But there’s not time to feel smug about that. The guys face has lost all traces of the smug smirk and at this point he looks almost maniacal. There’s a glint in his eye that Chris doesn’t like. He’s felt fear before, one such incident involved the very person before him but even then it didn’t cause the churning feeling deep in his gut.

Chris was afraid, and he had a feeling that he wasn’t going to be so lucky this time. That he wasn’t going to get out of this fight in one piece. It was a sobering thought and a sobering feeling that he didn’t get to dwell on for long. He lands a punch on the guy straight in the middle of his face, but it didn’t seem to faze him in the slightest. The next moment though…the next moment feels almost like a dream.

There’s an agonizing, burning feeling that erupts suddenly in the left side of his stomach. His brain had never had to process such an intense feeling of pain that his entire body suddenly feels like it just shut down. It drives the breath from his lungs and he can’t move. He can’t inhale oxygen or unclench his fist. Everything from his stomach down feels numb, like it isn’t even attached to the rest of him and he can barely keep his legs under him.

Then all of a sudden the pain intensifies; like a dam unleashing a river of pain and blood. He’s afraid to look down because he’s sure he’ll see all his organs and his intestines splayed out on the dirty pavement below.

At this point, his legs can’t him upright anymore and he drops heavily onto the ground. His entire existence is pain, so much that when he feels a foot make contact with the side of his chest, rattling his ribcage and throughout his whole body, the pain feels almost like a blessing because it momentarily distracts him from the agony in his side.

He can’t breathe. He can’t get his arms under him to push himself up. He can’t do anything but lay down on his side, grasping desperately to the area of his stomach trying to stop the fluid leaking out of his body.

His immediate instinct is to grab his phone and call William, because William will come and William will do something. William will fix this. He can’t remember what exactly he wanted William to fix but his thumb finds the speed dial button without him even having to look. He can’t remember how to use the phone all of a sudden. Just the simple effort of getting his phone in the general vicinity of his ear feels like he just speed walked a fucking marathon. He’s out of breath, he has no energy, he can barely keep his own eyes open but he hears William’s familiar voice calling his name from the speaker and he opens his mouth to answer but he can’t get his vocal chords to work. He feels his lips move but he’s not sure if he’s actually getting words out. He still hears William voice, the playful tone in his voice when he answer now turned into something closer to confusion and quickly morphing into fear.

He wants to tell William he’s fine. He just needs a little help or for William to come pick him up because he doesn’t think he’ll be able to make the walk home, or wherever it was he was headed to. He can’t remember. He was supposed to go somewhere. Maybe he was supposed to already be somewhere. He forgot.

There’s someone he’s supposed to remember but his brain’s all foggy, and the blaring coming from his phone isn’t helping either.

He doesn’t remember setting his alarm so why is it ringing and why is it so loud? He can’t reach over to switch it off and it’s annoying the hell out of him.

He can’t even lift his arm up to reach over to his side table and knock the clock the fuck off.

His side is wet and there’s liquid dripping down his stomach and through his fingers. He doesn’t remember getting to bed while wet, or did he piss himself in his sleep? That would be embarrassing as hell.

He can barely keep his eyes open and he can feel himself drifting off to sleep. Is it his bed time already? Did he even have a bedtime? Wasn’t he just talking with Eva? But he just called William.

He can’t think straight.

He tries moving but he can’t. Every time he shifts he feels stabs of agony shooting up and down his body. It steals the breath from his lungs and makes him see stars. He opts to not try that again.

Eventually the sweet lull of sleep becomes to enticing. He doesn’t even remember closing his eyes.

Death feels oddly tedious.

There’s not bright light, no virgins, no big gate at the end of a walkway made of clouds. There’s just him and the perpetual chill deep inside his spine.

He can’t remember if he switched off his stove that morning.

He’s so cold but he’s also sweating. He can feel the droplets of sweat trickling down the side of his face. It’s such a bizarre feeling.

He just realized how lonely he really was.

He missed William.

He wonders if Eva already hung up the phone.

His alarm is still blaring.

He doesn’t feel anything and he finds comfort in that.

He wonders if his parents will miss him.

It’s so cold.

He doesn’t remember.

There are warm hands on him; touching him, holding him and suddenly they’re reaching into his abdominal cavity and grasping his organs in a clenched fist.

He recognizes that voice.

Then there’s only darkness.

He can’t breathe. There’s something in his throat and there are still warms hands on him. He tries not to lean into the touch. Moving is agony.

He can hear the sound of sirens in the background and he wonders what happened to which poor son of a bitch and where.

There’s a voice in his periphery and it sounds like Erik and the asshole sounds like he’s crying.

He tries calling out to Erik but he can’t get his voice to work. He can’t make a sound. He can’t breathe but he isn’t suffocating. The agony has dulled down to a pulsing throb but he still can’t muster up the energy to open his eyes to find the source of the noise around him.

There are hands on his hand and he’s laying down on a hard flat surface that doesn’t feel like his bed at all. There’s something in his throat and he can’t make a sound and all of a sudden everything feels too lonely and too scary.

He forces his eyes open and the effort takes too much out of him. He can’t remember what happened, but out of the corner of his eyes he sees a familiar mop of blond hair bent down over him.

The asshole is holding his hand and the whole situation is a little too intimate for his liking. He doesn’t remember what happened.

He blinks once and all of a sudden the familiar face is hovering over him and an unfamiliar one that pops into view. He tries focusing on his friends face but he can’t. There’s a spot of rust in the far corner of the space that looks like a croissant and he can’t focus on anything else. He feels breaths entering his lungs that he doesn’t remember taking. There’s something over his face and his mouth and something in his throat and he can’t speak, he can’t inhale, he can’t move and it’s a terrifying feeling.

But Erik is there and he finds a measure of comfort in his presence and he doesn’t remember anything after that.

The first thing he thinks about is sand cause it feels like he just swallowed a bucket full of the stuff.

His throat feels gravely and dry and he can’t swallow without feeling like the walls of his throat is made of two sandpapers rubbing together.

There’s a familiar voice that he just can’t place and small soft hands latching onto his. The first name that pops into his is Eva, but he knows it’s just wistful thinking on his part.

“Chris?”

But there’s that voice again and it sounds too real to be possible.

“Chris? It’s Eva. I’m here.”

It’s like she could hear his thoughts even when he himself could make neither head nor tails of it himself. But she’s actually there when he manages to force his eyes open. At least it’s a blurry blob that bears an uncanny resemblance to Eva anyway. She’s there right in front of him and he thinks it must be a dream. But why is she there and where exactly is _there_? He doesn’t know where he is or why Eva is there. He remembers he was supposed to meet her somewhere later. Or yesterday. He doesn’t know when he is or where.

“ _Wh…ere?”_ He asks. Or he thinks he asks. Eva says something unintelligible that his brain can’t decipher but he latches onto the word hospital and he can feel the rush of memories washing over him.

The Yakuza guy. The alley. Going to the Kose party. The fight. The pain and agony. Feeling too helpless and weak. Thinking of William. Wishing he was there.

The memories are almost too overwhelming, sending a stab of pain through his side and his chest and he can feel the rush of panic until another voice punches through the veil he was getting suffocated in and all the memories start fading away.

It’s a male voice.

And it’s William.

He knows he must be dreaming now because there was no possible way. William is half a world away. He just…couldn’t…

He peels his eyes open, not expecting to find anything, but instead he finds William’s concerned face looking down at him. There’s a warm feeling that rushes through his entire body when their eyes meet and he can hear the sound of his own heart beating inside his ear. Then William pulls him into an embrace; it’s strong and safe and Chris feels a wave of comfort wash over him and he releases a shuddering breath and closes his eyes, resting his head in the crook of William’s neck.

It was an overwhelming feeling of relief and joy and even the stabs of pain he was feeling in his whole body couldn’t take him out of the moment.

Until it could and Chris releases the grip he had on the back of William’s shirt and lets his hand flop back down onto the mattress. He was utterly spent. Even that small movement and the small amount of effort he put into it was exhausting.

“I’m _so_ sorry, Chris.” William says and it takes Chris a long second to figure out what he’s talking about. “For letting this happen to you. Again. For being the reason this happened. It should have been me. I’m the one they want. I’m the one they always wanted. You always end up taking the beating meant for me. You’re always getting hurt because of me.”

There’s a myriad of thoughts going through Chris brain in that moment. There are so many things he wants to say to William; denial, reassurance, comfort. He’s not sure why William thinks any of this falls on his shoulder, he wasn’t even in the same time zone. But he can’t find his voice. His throat is too dry and he can’t remember how to form words. He looks over to Eva. He doesn’t even know what he’s looking for or what he expects her to do. But then Eva starts chewing William a new one and it’s both startling and hilarious but he can’t laugh because it hurts too much but for the first time it occurs to him that this is real. William is really there and so is Eva and maybe he isn’t as lonely as he thought.

Eventually he feels himself drifting off; he can barely keep his eyes open and it takes very little beckoning from Eva and Chris before he finds himself being consumed by the darkness. But this time he welcomes it with open arms. There no longer was any reason to be afraid. Eva was there and William was there and he knows they were going to make everything okay.

The next few days—he thinks its days anyway; it feels like days—pass by in a haze. Whenever he doesn’t feel so numb that it’s like he can’t even get his brain to work, it feels like his nerve endings were shorting out sending jolts of pain through his entire chest and side. The morphine feels like a blessing, even though it makes him feel all fuzzy and lost and although he can sense William’s despair from all the way across the room, he can’t concentrate enough on staying conscious to comfort him.

But Eva and William’s continued presence, their comforting words give him the strength to manage through the pain and the difficult recovery.

Eventually the doctors deem him fit enough to leave the ICU and the decision couldn’t have come sooner. He would have climbed the walls if he could after being cooped up in the small cubicle, staring at the white walls and the white ceilings and the white floors and the machines that lined the walls and hearing nothing but the sound of sick people and the squeaking of rubber shoes on the linoleum floor. Being physically injured was emotionally taxing on his spirit. Despite William and Eva being there, it didn’t help fully with the feeling of loneliness. The fact that it wasn’t something he was unused to, it didn’t mean that it didn’t feel just as isolating.

Being in a regular room would mean that maybe the others would finally be able to come and visit him; William told him they were there, that they’d been there the whole time and it causes a warm feeling to blossom inside his gut. Supposedly even Eva’s friends had come and Chris found that slightly more unbelievable.

The only downside was that Eva and William had to go out in the meantime and leave him to his own dark thoughts and the group of medical people who had just entered the room.

He tunes everyone out once William is out of sight; only giving obligatory one worded answers when they ask him things like whether he was  in pain or uncomfortable; whether he thought he could get up out of the bed and take a couple of steps. The crippling weakness he feels is sobering and he’s only glad that William isn’t around to see him.

Or Eva.

He still can’t really believe that she’s actually there. He always knew that there was something between him and Eva that was unlike anything he’s ever felt with anyone else before. It was confusing and he didn’t like feeling so confused about his own feelings.

But Eva was there, unflinching and steadfast, even though she had no reason to be. She promised to stay and she had even during the times when he wouldn’t have known if she’d left.

William was his best friend and even though he’d been acting a little dour towards the guy after their phone call the other day, he knows that the feeling was only temporary. It was always temporary. Even when they fought neither of them truly meant the words they’d say, if it ever even got to that point. Mostly they just annoyed each other until someone started shouting, usually profanities and they’d inevitably make up before the day is out.

So having William there, though surprising considering his current living arrangements, wasn’t all that shocking. Chris would have done the exact same thing if it had been William in his place.

But Eva was different. Eva didn’t owe him anything the same way he didn’t owe her anything. They’d settled whatever debt that had accumulated between them through the years and whatever came about from it was built on trust and a level playing field.

He realized that maybe he had been underestimating her all along.

The room he’s transferred to is spacious, with an actual window in the furthest wall opposite the door.

His parents weren’t good for much but at least the insurance they had for him paid to get the best treatment and the best care, and that included the decent enough hospital room.

He isn’t there alone for long; trying to adjust himself on the cool, crisp new mattress trying to break it in and get actually comfortable. It feels like he’s forgotten what being comfortable actually felt like.

There’s are a couple of familiar voices he hears coming down the hall; one he easily identifies as William and the other one—the other one he remembers hearing through a pained haze and a foggy mind and the voice that kept him from sinking all the way into the abyss.

“Bro.”

He hears himself saying when Eva, William and the familiar head of blonde hair pops into view. He was still having a tough time trying to get his voice to work, so he hope that word conveyed how relieved he really was to see his friend. He doesn’t remember much about what happened; William filled him in on the rest, including what Erik had done for him and everything he’d gone through trying to keep him alive and Chris doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to thank Erik for it.

Erik hugs him and he reciprocates as well as he can when he hears those words that make him laugh. “If you ever do that to me again, you’re no longer my bro.”

Laughing is torture and he definitely doesn’t want to try that again.

But seeing them there, William and Eva and Erik, knowing in his heart that the rest of the guys were probably out there in the waiting room, wanting to see him, it fills him with the almost foreign feeling of belonging; that there were people who cared about him just as much as he cared about them. He was looking at three of those people right now. It was a reassuring feeling and for the first time in a long time, Chris feels like maybe he really isn’t alone.


	8. Noora

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, I tripped and added one more chapter. Circumstances changed and by circumstances I mean it was one person (you know who you are). So you only have her to thank for having to deal with two more chapters before the end instead of one.
> 
> Also this story and this chapter especially is very pro-William and pro-Noorhelm.
> 
> Dedicated to the most awesome human being and story meta-er in the world <3

“So, your Chris with my Eva, huh?”

Noora says it as more of a statement than an actual question. They’re sitting snuggled comfortably on the bench in the hospital garden; Noora is curled up against his side, resting her head on his chest and he has his arms around her shoulder holding her close.

“You do know that if he hurts her, Sana and I both are going to hold you personally responsible.”

William leans back slightly in an over exaggerated show of being taken aback. “Me? How am I responsible?”

“You just are,” Noora says, as if it’s in any way a legitimate answer. “Also, you should know that if you hurt me, you’re going to have to deal with Sana personally.”

The small chill that runs through his spine at the mention couldn’t be faked. William doesn't really know all that much about Noora’s friends, but one thing the Penetrators all agree on is that the Muslim girl is absolutely terrifying—and pretty hot, but with a much larger ratio of scary to hot. Vilde is clingy and a little needy, not that William would actually say those words out loud especially in front of Noora. He’d grown fond of his nuts and he intended for _that_ relationship to last a lifetime, something that wasn’t guaranteed if he insulted Vilde in front of Noora again. He really doesn’t know their Chris at all besides the fact that _his_ Chris seems to like her a lot.

He was rather confused about that unexpected friendship in the beginning. He and Chris and a couple of guys were headed to the canteen during lunch when they passed by the blonde girl and her chubby friend in the hall. He didn’t know Vilde back then, so the sight of the two girls standing in the hallway really didn’t concern him at all. But Chris had raised a hand in greeting and said, “Hey, Chris.”

And one of the girls mimicked the action with a chipper, “Hey yourself, Chris,” with a wide smile.

They both shared a crisp high-five before he and Chris continued on their way and the two girls returned to whatever conversation they were having.

His immediate reaction had been a surprised, “What the hell, man?”

But Chris just grinned one of his Cheshire cat grins and said, “She’s cool.” And that had been that.

It wasn’t until months later after Chris got with Eva at the Halloween party and the news had gotten out and Iben threw a bitch fit in the courtyard of the school that William finally found out about the Adventures of Chris and Chris, as he’d put it.

Girls were so fucking complicated.

But looking at himself in that moment, smelling the sweet scent of Noora’s shampoo when he rests his chin on the top of her head, he thinks that old William was such a fucking asshole. He’s pretty sure Noora and ninety percent of the Nissen girls can and would be more than happy to attest to that.

Old William was more than happy to take whatever those girls were offering and accept everything they were putting out. He never asked for any of it, but they offered, so what hot blooded young man wouldn’t take advantage of that if they were in his shoes? He was young and he was horny and he didn’t need to explain himself to anyone; not his parents, not the school—it was his life and he was going to live it the way he wanted. He knew first-hand how short it could be and how everything could just change in a split second without warning. He made a promise to himself long ago to never live in the past or to dwell on what was already in the past.

He slept with girls and whenever it was done, it was in the past and he moved on to other girls and better things. It was an uncomplicated time and sex was an uncomplicated outlet. Girls wanted what he could give them so he gave it.

Vilde was the same; the same pretty face, same overeager desperation and lack of any real self-respect.

Looking back on it now, William realizes that the only one who lacked self-respect back then was him.

But then this blonde girl happened; her and her blood red lipstick walked up to him in a way no other girl had ever stepped up to him before. She cut him down a peg or two right in front of his friends, her friends and half the school and in that moment after she finished, William just couldn’t focus his attention on anything other than the fact that this was the most beautiful girl he’d ever laid eyes on.

She also didn’t want him which made him want her more.

William was used to getting what he wanted. His parents gave him nothing but bought him everything. Nikolai was—Nikolai was and is a dirt speck in his life. He loved his brother but he also hated him and feared him at the same time.

As far as he’s concerned, the only brother he really has is Chris and the Penetrators; they’re the only family he really needs because they were the only people who were there for him when he needed them the most.

Chris in particular is both a bright spot and a sore spot for William. A bright spot because Chris is his oldest and closest friend; the person William could count on at any time under any circumstances to have his back and be a shoulder to lean on. He’s also a sore spot because William never seemed to have his back in return. Every time Chris had gotten hurt it had been because of William. William was always starting fights and egging people on even when it wasn’t his intention and Chris was always there backing him up even when the fight had nothing to do with him. Even when it had to do with William’s own family because Chris couldn’t stand Nikolai even though they’d only ever met once.

William had asked him once why, and Chris had said that it was because he didn’t like the way Nikolai’s presence affected William; the way it would make William put up his walls and just shut down emotionally; the way it turned William into a different, almost an unrecognizable person. A person Chris really didn’t like. Up until that point, William didn’t even realize that he’d been doing just that.

Chris was almost always over at his apartment, he hated being at his own because he hated looking around at his things and seeing his parents presence in everything he owned, but he’d avoid it like the plague whenever Nikolai had one of his episodes and would pop on over without warning like he owned the place. William hated when he did that; the apartment didn’t belong solely to him, but it had become _his_ home and it felt like Nikolai tainted the place bit by bit with his presence every single time he came. It was also the unsettling feeling that his brother could just _sense_ whenever William was at his happiest and would chose that exact moment to come.

Thoughts of his brother always made him angry but especially now; especially after what he did too Noora. He tries not to dwell on it; it was part of the past, and he learned long ago to leave the past exactly where it was. Nothing could change what happened in the past, just like nothing could bring his little sister back.

But sometimes he just gets so enraged, even in his vision he starts seeing red and whenever his anger reached that point, he thinks that if Nikolai were in front of him at that exact moment then he probably would be able to bring himself to kill his own brother. It wasn’t a thought normal people had, but maybe William wasn’t normal after all. Maybe he was a freak like everyone said he was. Maybe he was like his brother after all and that craziness did run in their family.

But he thinks of Noora in those instances; seeing her disappointed face and watching her cry because of him. He should be the one drying her tears, not the one causing them. Truthfully, that’s the only reason he manages to hold himself back even on the days where his anger threatens to consume him. When he remembers Noora’s silence and her distance and finding out that she’d locked herself away in her room for days, not eating, not sleeping. He remembers that and he feels his anger coursing through his body like he’s experiencing everything for the first time all over again.

The emotions and the memories might have been too real and to raw in that moment, William feels himself tensing up on the inside, his fist clenching subconsciously until a pair of small, soft hands reaches over to take his clenched fist and hold it tight in their grasp. He looks down and finds Noora’s gorgeous eyes staring back up at him worriedly. In that moment, he finds his breath caught in his chest and he feels like he’s experiencing the feeling of falling in love with her all over again.

“William,” Noora calls his name softly. “Are you okay?”

Smiling never used to come easy to him; the only person who could really make him smile in the past was Chris, especially when he got into one of his moods and started overdramatically enunciating some poor English word. But smiling around Noora, smiling because of Noora comes almost second nature now. He likes it. He likes the person he is around her because as confident as he’d been to everyone else, the truth was he hated the person he used to be. But at the time that was all he had, he was all he had and old William protected him when no one else was around to do so.

Chris would have, but Chris also had his own family troubles and William would never ask more of him especially because Chris was already willing to give him everything.

“I’m okay,” he says, sparing her a small smile. “Just—thinking.”

“Well don’t hurt yourself too much,” Noora says and he can’t help it, he bursts out into laughter.

Noora always knows the best way to ground him, especially when he feels himself starting to shoulder every slight and every little mistake; watching it play over and over again in his mind and he can’t do anything to stop himself from doing so. He appreciates it more than he let on.

“I won’t,” he says in reply.

“Thinking about Chris?” Noora asks after a moment, reclaiming her spot curled comfortably into his side, her hands still holding his now unclenched fist tightly, tracing circles and indistinct patterns into the back of his knuckles.

“Among other things.”

“You really love him, don’t you?” Noora asks and it doesn’t come across at all condescending, only as a matter of factly and slightly curious.

William gives his words a thought before he answers the question. “Chris is—Chris. He’s been there for me when no one else was. He’s had my back since we were kids and even against Nik—” he stops abruptly, realizing that saying the name might not be the most appropriate line of conversation at this moment, not that it ever would be, for Noora and him both. “He’s just…really important to me. Just like you are.”

Noora is silent after he finishes speaking. But the silence isn’t tense or uncomfortable, just thoughtful. “You know, I hated you before.”

"Wow, I am shocked,” William says with the most deadpan tone he could muster.

Noora smacks him gently on the chest with the back of her hand but she has a smile on her face. “I’m being serious right now, so can you actually grow up for like two minutes.”

William pulls up the sleeve of his jacket immediately and looks at his watch. “Okay. You have two minutes.”

“God, you’re incorrigible. Why am I with you again?”

“Because I’m a good lay?”

“William!” Noora pulls out of the embrace with a flustered yelp. “Seriously. Don’t make me demote you back to Wilhelm.”

William holds his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. Your two minutes have been reset, milady.”

Noora huffs, but resumes her position clinging onto his torso and resting her head on his shoulder. “Even before everything, I respected your friendship with him,” she says after a moment and it immediately sobers William up. “Even when I didn’t agree with you or what you did or the way you reacted with your actions and not your head. I realized—or rather, Sana made me realize that maybe I wasn’t all right and you weren’t all wrong. Maybe sometimes we do things for the people we love, even though it isn’t the right thing to do in hindsight. Sana made me realize that maybe, and that’s a small maybe—teensy maybe—that sometimes the wrong thing done for the right reasons can maybe be the right thing after all.”

William is silent when Noora finishes.  He honestly expected her to say a lot of things, because Noora usually had a lot of things to say, but he hadn’t been expecting _that_. “Sana is very smart,” he says finally.

“She is _very_. I guess we should thank her too, because we probably wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for her.”

“Well I guess I should send her a bouquet of flowers.”

“I’m pretty sure you need to send her more than that; maybe a Russ bus, because that would make Vilde super happy too, and both of us kind of owe her a lot as well.”

William laughs but he can almost hear the sound of the cogwheels turning inside his brain. “Maybe I will,” he says.

Noora’s attention snaps towards him when he says that. “I was just kidding.”

But when William has something on his mind, it stays on his mind. “Perhaps,” he says cryptically. “Also, wasn’t that the quote from the end of Pirates of the Caribbean? The one with Governor Swan an—”

He’s rewarded with another smack on the chest before he can finish and can only laugh cheekily as he attempts to shield himself from any further attack from Noora’s small fists. Eventually the laughter dies down and Noora ceases her onslaught and William gently pries himself from Noora’s side to get to his feet, stretching the kinks out of his joints before holding a hand out to her like an invitation.

“Shall we take a walk?”

“I’m serious about the Russ bus thing, William. I was just kidding,” Noora says exasperatedly, although she really should know William better than that at this point.

William pointedly ignored the statement. “Well if you don’t want to,” he says instead with a mock shrug. “I guess I’ll find one the eager nurses who’s been staring at me nonstop for the past couple of days to walk with me instead,” he says while taking his time to turn around, keeping a his eye and the mocking grin on Noora the whole time.

“You’re such an asshole, Wilhelm,” Noora says, but there’s no bite to her words and she’s smiling when she hops to her feet and reaches over to link her arm around the elbow William is now offering her.

“But I’m your asshole, Noora Amalie Sætre, and like it or not, you’re stuck with me,” he says. He can almost feel Eva’s disembodied presence at his side chiding him mentally until he says the word; “Here.”

Noora just stares at him with wide eyes that speak so much in that moment. “So you’re staying? For real this time?”

The hurt in Noora’s voice when she says the last part hurts him, and he regrets having put her through so much on top of everything else she’s already been through. He thinks he needs to send Eva a nice bouquet of flowers (or a Russ bus) as well for kicking his sorry ass into gear.

“I couldn’t think of a better place to be other than right here and right now,” he says. “With you.”

Noora’s smile in that moment is blinding and William thinks that this is the best decision he’s made in a long time.

Girls really aren’t as complicated as guys like to make them out to be. The only thing they really want is to be loved wholeheartedly and unconditionally and to no be lied to. It’s just guys who are usually too stupid to realize when they’re thinking with their _head_ instead of their head. Guys don’t deserve girls, just like he doesn’t really deserve Noora.

When he thinks about it more deeply, he realizes that he doesn’t really deserve Chris either.

He’s been a shit friend to Chris for a long time and he didn’t even realize it until now; until he almost lost him for good. As good a boyfriend as he’d been to Noora, a worse friend he’d become to Chris who really didn’t deserve to be treated the way William had been treating him the past couple of months; leaving him behind with barely a notice; expecting him to be there waiting for whenever and if ever William decided to come back. Picking up the phone to call whenever he felt like it fully expecting Chris to be at the other end of the line waiting and not once taking into account his feelings in all this.

The guys had all been weepy and shit at the airport when he was flying out to London; a fact that had become the butt of many jokes from that point on, but William had been too oblivious back then, blinded by his excitement and his happiness at having Noora there by his side to really notice how quiet and reserved Chris had been through the whole thing. Once—just _once_ , he asked Chris if he was okay, but the question hadn’t even been all that sincere. Chris noticed it. He didn’t. Chris had just answered with a casual, “It’s all good, man,” and his easy grin and William just accepted the answer at face value.

William had been too stupid and too blinded back then to realize that nothing was good about Chris at all.

It took months before it even occurred to him that maybe Chris _was_ hurt by him leaving. He comforted himself with excuse that Chris knew of his plans to move to London after school anyway, and he’d been okay with it. Obviously he hadn’t been okay with it at all and it only really occurred to William after that phone call on the day of the attack.

Needless to say, William felt like the worst friend in the history of friends.

He’d spent the whole flight from London thinking and rethinking about Chris; going over the conversation they’d had just hours before; him making jokes and Chris as usual taking it in his stride. Then flashing back to _that_ phone call, the one that has set everything in motion. Chris hadn’t said a word and it was the most terrifying thing he’d ever done.

It really wasn’t until he was on that flight, cut off from all communications, not knowing where his friend was or if he was okay, that he truly realized what gigantic piece of shit he really was. But the most important matter on hand was the fact that Chris was in trouble and William needed to be there for him.

He’d gone over the earlier conversation over and over in his mind for hours, thinking and analysing every single word Chris had said; the almost dismissive tone in his voice and the hurt that he only realized was there when it was obviously already too late to fix.

Chris was hurt because of him. Chris always got hurt because of him. He hurt Chris more than he was his friend and William realized that he didn’t deserve Chris’ friendship at all.

They’re walking down the pebble path between the trees in the garden; the sun is shining brightly overhead and the rays feel warm against his skin.

They’re walking.

Until they’re not.

William didn’t realize they’d stopped until he feels Noora pull away from his side, stepping around his front and pulling him with both arms against her chest, only then did he realize he had warm tears streaming down his face.

He's okay. Chris is okay and everything is fine.

But it really wasn’t fine. He’d hurt his friend so badly and then almost lost him without ever getting the chance to say sorry. It truly just occurred to him right then that Chris almost died. He almost _died_ , and there would have been absolutely nothing William could have done to fix it. He almost lost the best thing he had in his life, the best friend he could ever have asked for and the only person in his life who’d never let him down.

Chris almost died alone and in agony, thinking his best friend had abandoned him for a new country and he wouldn’t have been wrong in his thoughts.

He wasn’t thinking about Chris, he was thinking only about himself and his wants and his needs. He only used Chris’ name to justify his anger when it was obvious to everyone that their friendship seemed more important to Chris that it was to him when that fact couldn’t have been further from the truth.

He should have done better. He should have been better; a better person and a better friend, a friend Chris deserved.

“It’s my fault,” he hears himself saying, burying his face in the crook of Noora’s shoulder. “Everyone tells me it isn’t, but it is. It’s my fault he’s hurt, it’s my fault he almost died. He doesn’t blame me and every time he says that the more I realize that I never did anything to earn his friendship.”

He feels Noora rubbing the spot between his shoulder blades and it’s a comfort he doesn’t deserve.

“That’s not true and you know it,” Noora says.

“It’s true. I couldn’t protect Chris from getting hurt over and over again. I couldn’t protect you from Nikolai. I couldn’t protect my little sister. I can’t do anything for anyone who matters to me. I don’t deserve your friendships or your love. I don’t deserve any of you.”

“No, William,” he feels Noora dislodging herself, taking a step back and grasping his firmly by the shoulder, pushing his back slightly to be able to look him in the eye. “I can’t speak for your family or for Chris, but I can speak for myself. What happened with your brother, that’s on him. You had nothing to do with it and you’re not responsible for _any_ of it. Okay? He did what he did because he’s sick and I should have listened to you and trusted you when you told me not to trust anything he said. But I was hurt, and he took advantage of that. What happened isn’t on me or on you. I want you to know that, okay? I want you to trust _me_ this time.”

William can’t bring himself to meet Noora’s eyes but he hears her words; he hears it with more than his head even though his heart is still struggling to accept everything she said. But she’d earned that, he at least owed it to her to listen and to trust her because they’ve both been through so much together already.

“And what happened with Chris—it just happened, William. The most important thing is just to be there for him now. What happened in the past can’t be changed; the only thing you can do is just be better in the future.”

William is momentarily taken aback by her words. It was as if she picked the thought straight from his brain.

His eyes are still damp but the trickling tears were ceasing. He tries to focus his eyes on Noora. On her eyes, unlike any colour or shape he’d ever seen in his life. On her hair; so blonde and so soft and William briefly recalls of the feel of the strands running through his fingers; stroking it and caressing it gently when it was the other way around and Noora was the one needing his comfort and his embrace. He looks at her face, so beautiful and so kind and gentle and always open with whatever emotion she was feeling.

Worry, nearly completely cloaked by steely determination; that’s what she’s feeling right now. And William tries grasp on to some of that strength for himself.

“Okay?” she asks finally with a small smile, reaching up to brush the last tear pooling in the corner of his eye away with her thumb.

“Okay,” he replies. He can’t find it in him to reciprocate the smile but he hopes his eyes manage to convey the truthfulness of his word.

“Good,” Noora says, she smile widening a fraction more before her hands trail down the length of William’s arms to hold his hands in both of hers. “Should we continue on our walk? I think I see one of those nurses you were talking about.”

This time it does manage to dredge up a smile and a small chuckle from William, who pulls a hand out of Noora’s to reach up and rub the tear tracks on his face. Noora lets him have a moment to compose himself before returning to her original spot at his side, snaking her arm around his waist and pulling his across her shoulder, holding it there with a firm grasp on his hand.

They continue the rest of their walk in silence after that.

William’s mind is a mess of guilt on top of guilt and Noora’s comforting voice echoing inside his head trying to push all the guilty feelings into the abyss, and flashback of Chris and him playing in playground when they were younger; fighting with other kids, getting beaten up, having a good laugh; all happening simultaneously in flashes that are almost too hard to concentrate on. All the broken bones and the black eyes and the bumps and bruises; joking about it after, sometimes through tears. No one else there to comfort them besides each other.

Chris always had his back and it was time William held up his end of the friendship.

Chris is asleep when they get back to the room and so is Eva. She’s curled up against his side on a miniscule amount of space on the bed, her hands tucked comfortably under her chin and head being pillowed on Chris’ shoulder. Chris face is turned towards Eva, almost burrowed in the head of brown hair by his cheek and the arm Eva is sleeping on is reaching back up to wrap around her side, holding her close.

It’s an intimate moment that neither William nor Noora think they have a right in infringe on so instead they step back out into the hallway and take a seat side by side in the row of chairs arranged by the wall.

“I really hope things work out between them,” Noora says, though she isn’t looking at William when she says it.

William can hear the unspoken meaning behind her words though. _‘Between us’_ is what she’s actually saying, because if Chris and Eva of all people could somehow find a way to make it work after everything that’s happened between them, then there might be a chance for them as well.

Noora is a realist. William could tell from the first moment they met, and maybe their relationship did seem a little too ‘fairy-tale ending’ than she was really comfortable with but William didn’t think it made it any less real or genuine, or that it was just something fleeting. It didn’t mean his feelings for her were in anyways fake, if anything, this was the least _fake_ William has ever been in his life.

Right here, right now, with this woman he loves so much, William thinks that this is most true to himself he’s ever been and often times he wonders whether he actually deserves any of this; Noora, Chris, the Penetrators and all the people he’s met along the way. The selfish part of him just wants to take it all and hold on tight because he knows that a moment of weakness, the moment he lets his guard down, everything can just disappear in an instance.

It took a split second for his sister to just—be gone. He didn’t even have time to blink and with her she took all the love his parents used to have for him and Nikolai.

He left his friends for just one night and they were attacked.

He turned his back and Noora left him and ran away back to Oslo.

It only took a moment for years’ worth of friendship to almost end in an instance.

Everyone always ends up leaving him and he promised himself a long time ago that he’d never put himself in the position to be left behind anymore.

But then Chris pushed his way through the fold, then the guys, then Noora and William couldn’t find it in him to hold up the barriers he’d painstakingly built around him any longer. It was the best decision he ever made in his life. It also meant that he was opening himself up to be hurt all over again, but he thinks that it had been a worthy price to pay for what he’d gotten in return:

Chris friendship, the guys’ loyalty and Noora’s love.

“Have you two talked?” he hears Noora’s voice punching through the cloud in his mind as he comes back down to the present.

“Yeah. We’ve talked,” he says.

“No, I mean have you two _talked_? Like really talked, about everything?”

William doesn’t really understand what she means, but there’s that steely determination in her eyes again and he knows that he’s about to get schooled.

“Like—you know, what happened between us in London. That was just—uh, things moving too quickly. Not in the relationship, but in everything else. London isn’t my home; the only person I have there is you. No Eva, no Sana or Chris or Vilde. I had nothing in London besides you and it felt like I’d lost a part of myself almost. You have your dad at least and your job there. I just wasn’t keen on playing the little wifey living in an unfamiliar country with no family and no friends.”

Once again William interprets the ‘ _Chris’_ in Noora’s story as a representation of ‘ _us’_.

“I get it,” William says and it is the truth; he was hurt by Noora leaving without a word but deep down he understood her side in all that.

“You do?” Noora asks. William is pleased to see that he’d managed to render her shocked for once.

“I do. I was hurt; I won’t lie, especially since you didn’t feel like you could even talk to me about it. You pulled back, when you should have just been _Noora_ and said exactly what was on your mind. But I understood then like I understand now.” And it isn’t a lie, but William downplays how hurt he really was when he came home to discover her side of the closet empty, her suitcases missing and Noora just…gone. But he dealt with it like he deals with everything else and that was one of the reasons why it was so hard even thinking of coming back to Oslo even for Chris. The fact is, he probably wouldn’t have come back if Chris hadn’t gotten hurt because that was how hurt _he_ really was.

But that’s all in the past now. Noora is here, Chris is here, all his friends are here and at the moment William thinks that that’s enough.

“Halloooo.” A chipper greeting catches their attention and both of them turn to see the girls approaching them from down the hall, Sana in the lead and being flanked on either side by their Chris and Vilde who are holding a bouquet of flowers and a couple of gaudy Get Well Soon balloons respectively.

“Hai, girls,” William greets as Noora pulls out of his embrace to stand as the three girls approach.

“William,” Sana replies curtly with an acknowledging nod. Her expression warms immediately when she turns to Noora and pulls her into a hug.

“Hai, William,” Vilde says the name in near reverence; an almost feline grin on her face as she brushes a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

Chris bring up the rear with a gruff, “Dude,” and mimicking Sana’s acknowledging head nod from earlier.

“How's Chris?” Sana asks when she pulls away and Noora moves on to embrace both Vilde and Chris.

“He and Eva are both sleeping. That’s why we’re out here. We didn’t want to disturb them,” William answers.

Sana just accepts his answer with a thoughtful, “Hm.”

It’s bizarre how the girl could unnerve him without even really doing anything. The more William interacts with the Muslim girl, the more he understands where the other guys’ awe disguised as fear was coming from.

“That was a little while ago, so I’ll just check if they’re awake now.”

Truthfully he really just wanted to get out of there. Vilde isn’t hounding him anymore, Sana is one of Noora’s closest friends and one of the people she obviously respects the most so he really should be more at ease around her than he is, and Chris is just—well, _Chris_. He wonders if it has anything to do with the name because somehow no matter what gender, Chris is always just _Chris_.

He leaves the girls to talk about whatever is it girls talk about and steps into the hospital room without making too much noise.

Chris’ eyes are already open when he enters. He’s looking at the still sleeping Eva curled up beside him, his fingers gently running through her hair in a soothing, repetitive motion. 

“Chris?” he calls out, announcing his presence in the room so he wouldn’t startle either of them.

“William?” Chris turns his attention to him immediately. His eyes are still glazed over from sleep and he looks beyond exhausted still, but there’s a spark that ignites in his eyes the moment he hears William’s voice and it’s a fact that brings out not only on a heart-warming feeling in William but also a lot of regret.

“Did I wake you?”

“Nah,” he answers simple. “I think, ironically, I woke up because my arm started falling asleep.”

William chuckles. “Yeah. Doesn’t look that comfortable.”

“I just—uh, don’t want to wake her. I don’t think she’s slept properly in days.”

William can attest to that fact. He’s pretty sure he’s slept more than Eva the entire time they’ve been at the hospital.

“You’ve got company outside. It’s Eva’s friends.”

“Really?” there’s a surprised tone to Chris voice but a small smile tugs at his lips regardless. “Is Chris here too?”

William chuckles again. “Yeah. The adventure of Chris and Chris continues,” William says. “Want me to call them in?”

“Sure.”

William is about to turn before he stops in his tracks and instead steps closer to the bed, leaning in close to almost whisper to Chris without disturbing Eva. “By the way, I think—I think we should find some time to, you know—talk. About things, about everything.”

“What things?”

Williams isn’t sure how to answer, instead he swallows once. “You know—about what happened. About me leaving you behind and you getting hurt. I think—”

“ _I_ think you’re getting a bit too weepy in your old age William,” Chris interrupts him mid-sentence with disapproving shake of his head. “We’ve talked, haven’t we? And I told you it wasn’t your fault. None of this is your fault.”

“But—”

“But nothing, William. I know your girlfriend put you up to this cause that’s the way the girls do it. They talk about their feelings and all sorts of sappy shit like that. I told you it’s fine; what happened in the past happened. Just leave it be. You’re here now and that’s the only thing that matters. Seriously, I said it’s fine then and it’s fine now. And if you don’t stop whining about it I swear I’m going to punch you in the face.”

William isn’t sure how he thought that conversation to go, but in hindsight he thinks that that’s about what he expected was going to happen.

“Okay. Message received,” he says with a smile.

“Good,” Chris says with a huff, but he has a small smile on his face too and for the first time in a while, William thinks that maybe things are going to turn our okay after all.

“Glad we had that conversation,” William says with a grin.

“Whatever, William. Next time feel free to save the touchy-feeling shit for Erik or Borkis. That seems more their style.”

“Roger that,” William says before heading over to the door to call in the girls.

By this time Eva is already slowly stirring, like a cat stretching her limbs across the length of the bed before she reaches an arm out over Chris’s upper torso and latches onto him like a koala, resting her head, eyes still unopen, on his chest.

Noora and Sana enter first with Vilde following closely and Chris bringing up the rear. The moment his Chris’ eyes fall on the Chris of their group, William can see his face brightening almost immediately.

“Hey, Chris,” he greets with a wave and a wide grin.

“Hey yourself, Chris,” she replies with a grin of her own, raising a hand up in salute.

William watches the scene unfold with a grin of his own, not noticing Noora sidling up beside him until she slides her hand into his and grasps on tight.

“Did you guys talk?”

William looks down at her and spares her a smile. “Not in the way you expected, but yeah. We did.”

“Good,” she says and both of them look back just in time to catch the last part of a secret handshake his Chris and her Chris had at one point learned to do with each other. Eva at this point is obviously only pretending to be asleep, because Vilde is tickling her ear with a handful of her own hair and Eva keeps on trying to smother the smile threatening to emerge with varying degrees of success. Sana is at the foot of the bed tying the balloons to the rail while chiding one of them for one thing or another and being completely ignored.

William looks over at Chris and the wide smile he has on his face. A smile he at one point didn’t think he’d be able to see again, so the sight is something he bookmarks in the fond part of his memories. He looks down at Noora smiling at the antics of the people in front of her and William can’t help but smother the feeling of pride that bubbles up inside him. These two people, the two most important people he has in his life. He still couldn’t believe his luck, but here they both are in front of him. Real and within touching distance, and this time William promises himself that he’ll do everything in his power to not fuck this up. No matter how difficult, how trying it may end up being, William has known loneliness and fear, and those were two feelings he didn’t want to experience again.

Noora and Chris keeps those feelings at bay, so William knows that he has to keep the two of them even closer to him. He’d almost managed to push both of them away once; in Chris case, on many occasions. But Chris is still here and Noora is still here and William promises himself that he’ll do everything he can to be here for the both of them.


	9. Eva

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Finally made it to the very end. This story has been an absolute pleasure to write and while I’m happy to have completed it, there’s also a bittersweet sense that comes along with it. It’s been such an amazing time fleshing out these characters that I love and trying to do justice to this pairing that I love so much and I truly hope I succeeded in doing that. Especially with this chapter, because all the Chris/Eva in this chapter is a long time coming. Slow burn indeed.
> 
> A huge thank you to all the people who have followed this story loyally and been patient with me and my irregular updating schedule. Especially to the people who have left such nice comments and written such nice tags about this story on here and on ao3 and the people who have sent me asks about this story and to let me know how much they like it, I really appreciate it a whole lot.
> 
> Hope this chapter is a worthy conclusion to this tale because I put my heart and soul into this story and I’m really proud of it.

**_Søndag 25.12.16_ **

“So, me and you, huh?”

Eva laughs a little at the statement and the sound is like tiny jingle bells that make his heart soar inside his chest.

Or that could have been actual jingle bells coming from somewhere outside, probably one of the neighbours getting into the Christmas party spirit a little too late.

“Yeah, who would have thought right?” Eva says with a chuckle as she snuggles closer into his embrace.

They’re both cuddled together on his bed; Eva with her head tucked comfortably under his chin, her arms around him holding him close, or maybe even keeping herself close to him in case he’d go out and get himself stabbed again. One thing was for fucking sure though, Chris never wanted to go through that ever again. Getting stabbed is very unpleasant and not recommended at all.

In return he has his one arm circled around her shoulder, fingers twirling around the strands of hair that stray into his grasp and the other arm curled protectively around his ribs. Broken ribs are also very unpleasant and not recommended either.

He’s been home for all of a day and he was already getting restless. He was finally allowed to leave by his reluctant doctors because it was Christmas Eve, Chris had been a model patient and maaaaybe it was in small part due William giving the poor doctor _the look_ had he decided otherwise.

William for his part was just as hesitant as the doctors to let Chris leave the safety of the hospital just then, but Chris had mastered the ways of getting William to do whatever he wanted. It was a power he didn’t use often—that much power in the hands of one person could prove to be dangerous—but when he did there was absolutely nothing William could do to refuse him. He might impart that knowledge to Noora one day though, or if ever a time came that he thinks she would need it.

But the doctor reluctantly signed off and Chris was happy, Eva and William were slightly less so, mainly due to the fact that he was obviously still not a hundred percent, but who cared what they thought? It was his body and his health and he was the one who’d been stuck indoors for _eight_ days, thought he was only really conscious for maybe half of that and bed-ridden for two-thirds of it. It was only because of Eva and William that he didn’t lose his mind completely in the meantime.

Chris hated hospitals. He always has and he always will. He always avoided going to one unless it was absolutely necessary or someone managed to drag him there against his will, so getting stuck in one without being able to leave had been one of his biggest fears. Those eight days were his absolute limit. To be honest, he would have left immediately once he regained consciousness if William, Eva and the doctors hadn’t been in the way…and if he could have been able to stand on his own two feet for more than a few seconds before feeling like he was about to pass out.

Eva and William were there the whole time. He thinks Eva only left once because her friends made her, or they tricked her into it, but William was always there and he was never lacking in visitors at any given time. Most of the Penetrators showed up almost ad nauseum once they were allowed to visit, not all at once though, which were small favours. He didn’t think he would have been able to keep up with everyone and everything going on if they had. Erik was also there almost as often as William and Eva, and Chris found his presence oddly comforting. All the other guys had been respectful of his state of mind though, they didn’t talk obnoxiously loud and whenever Chris felt like the surrounding was starting to dip in and out of focus, he recalls the sound of the excitable conversation slowing down to a more relaxed volume. He was thankful for that and for all the guys coming to visit him, even all of Eva’s friends. _All_ of them, even the ones he didn’t know. He’s sure some of them were actually Noora’s friends too, which made the whole situation even more bizarre.

He was okay with Isak, not really friends, just friendly accomplices though he didn’t know Isak’s boyfriend at all.  Also, he only then just realized that Isak was gay. He tried not to show his surprise but that shit came totally out of left field. Somehow he felt like he should have…known? Suspected somehow? No wonder Eva kept giggling whenever she brought up the topic of Isak dating one of the Pepsimax girls and she’d thrown shade many times about him meeting Isak during the whole Yakuza thing. He was surprised when Isak walked into his room with a tall, blonde guy and introduced him as his boyfriend.

Eva giggled that time too actually.

“Why are you always giggling whenever the topic of Isak comes up?” he asks suddenly. He thinks Eva was starting to doze off so the sound of his voice jolts her a little when he speaks.

“What?” Eva asks confused. Or faking confusion more like, he knows that look on her face. He thinks he’s gotten pretty good at reading her. She may be brainy but she was also super transparent, and he says that in the most affectionate way possible.

“Isak,” he enunciates. “Why are you always giggling when his name is mentioned? Is it cause you knew he was gay?” Eva gets that look on her face where he knows that she’s trying to cover up her desperate attempt to think up an excuse by being as adorable as she can possibly be. Well, it’s not going to work this time. “Don’t lie.”

Eva tries to smother the grin threatening to emerge, but she’s failing pathetically. “Chris—” she starts, but she’s about to twist the subject, so Chris mimics her tone cynically when he says; “ _Eva._ ”

Eva huffs. “Okay, okay. Fine,” she says, turning her head up to look at him. “We—as in, Noora and I, kind of suspected for a while that you and Isak were having…a thing.”

“A thing?”

“Yes, a thing. A…gay thing.”

Chris can feel the crease of his brows getting deeper when he tries to imagine what exactly could have brought this suspicion on. It clicks like a gear in shift suddenly. His meeting Isak about the Yakuza thing; exchanging phone numbers, also for the Yakuza thing. Him getting a call from Isak at the party, again, for the Yakuza thing. He thinks he can maybe understand how that would have looked to other people, especially other people who were maybe looking a little too close because they were maybe a little too involved in everything.

“Let me guess,” he says after his mental debate had come to a conclusion. “You were jealous, weren’t you?”

This time it’s Eva’s turn to act scandalous when she splutters out: “ _What? No._ Not at all.”

“Yep, mm-hmm,” Chris hums teasingly. “I totally believe you right now.”

“Chris—” Eva starts once again, pulling out of his arm to sit up, jostling the bed slightly with the sudden movement and extracting a pained gasp from Chris that he didn’t have time to stop.

The mood immediately shifts after that; the scandalized look on Eva’s face is replaced by concern and a little guilt when she leans carefully over him.

“It’s nothing. I’m fine,” Chris says quickly when Eva’s about to open her mouth to spew some sort of apology that he really doesn’t want. He’s tired of everyone constantly apologizing to him, William being at the very top of that list. “Seriously. Just—it’s nothing, please.”

Eva is hesitant for a few seconds before she nods, returning to her previous position curled up against his side, but with much more care than the way she pulled out of it.

The annoying silence returns and Chris feels himself getting upset by how quickly the mood changed from happy and playful, to sombre and way too serious. He’s getting pretty sick and tired of everyone walking on eggshells around him.

“I wasn’t jealous by the way,” Eva says, interrupting his thoughts. “You would have made a cute couple anyway and I would have gladly stepped down.”

She says all in as a matter of fact and Chris finds himself laughing before he can do anything else. The laughter is agony on his ribs, but he doesn’t care. Eva always has a way of just making him feel better in an instance without even really trying too.

Eva’s soft laughter follows after him and the tension in the room is eased several folds once again. The both lapse into a more comfortable silence after that, Eva still snuggled in his side and Chris trying to recall the last time he felt this at ease around someone who wasn’t William. It was never with one of his hooks ups, that was for sure; the girls were always pretty and always willing, but he barely remembered they faces the morning after and he definitely didn’t remember any names.

He could never forget Eva’s though, even from the very first moment.

And Cool Chris, but that was an entirely different subject.

He wonders where William stalked off to. It was getting kind of late and William hasn’t come to pester him in at least three hours which for him was some sort of record.

The house is quiet besides the sounds of Christmas music floating in from the outside and the occasional jingling sound of sleigh bells from somewhere on the street. The rest of the house is empty besides him and Eva; the living room dark and deserted and the both of them snuggling comfortably in his bed pushed up against the wall opposite the door. He doesn’t know how long they’ve been laying there together; three hours, maybe four. It was nearing five p.m. at that point and William had come bursting in suddenly a few hours ago saying that he had some business to attend to with someone or whatever, he was muttering hurriedly and Chris had just told him to get the fuck out because his babbling was giving him a serious headache.

His stitches itched like a son of a bitch, his insides still felt like someone ran it through a sausage stuffer, his ribs hurt something awful so did the rest of him and he could feel a pounding headache building up behind his eyeballs and William being all jittery didn’t help him at all any at the time, just like it wasn’t helping any at the moment.

Maybe leaving the hospital really hadn’t been such a good idea.

“Chris? You okay?” he hears Eva’s voice calling his name softly and he only realized he’d closed his eyes when he has to open them to look at her.

“I’m okay,” he says in reassurance, sparring her a small smile.

Eva isn’t convinced though. She pushed herself up onto one elbow and eyes him critically. “Are you sure? You seem…in pain.”

“Not more than normal,” he says.

“No amount of pain should be normal though,” she says worriedly.

“It’s just a headache, Eva. Don’t worry.”

“But I do worry,” she says, again as a matter of fact and rendering Chris completely speechless. Chris can’t help himself but stare at her lips when she’s done talking and he realized that for the first time staring at a girls mouth so close to his, her lips aren’t the only thing he wants from her. He wants everything; her lips, her body, her heart; _her_. All of her. He’s never felt more complete than when he’s around her listening to her talk about her opinions of the Russ and the smile that comes across her face when she talks about her friends. When she tells him about something funny Eskild said or something even funnier someone named Linn said while she’s shot him down, or when she told him about their first Kose group meeting and Sana telling them to get with the 97-ers and about Sana being the one who added him on Instagram and liked all those pictures.

He laughed then, just like he always laughs so easily whenever Eva is around. Eva always has something interesting to say about something and he constantly finds himself unable to look away, unable to hide the interested look he’s sure is plain as day on his face. Eva always trails off and looks sheepishly away when she catches him staring but she has a small contented smile on his face and Chris thinks that he couldn’t think of a more beautiful sight.

Eva is beautiful. He doesn’t think he tells her that nearly enough but she is. All the girls he’d been with have been beautiful in their own way too, Iben was gorgeous and kind and her only fault was that she loved someone who didn’t love her back. But Eva has always been different. Different than the other girls he’d been with and all the other girls at school. He’d heard about what happened between her and her ex and the Pepsimax girl, but who was he to judge given his own track record? Eva had gone through the worst of the worst experience a girl could go through and she’d only come out stronger and Chris found that to be one of the sexiest aspects about her.

“Really, Eva. It’s nothing a little rest and some TLC won’t fix,” he says when he turns to Eva and still finds her expectant and worried gaze on him. “Unless you have other plans,” he says with a grin.

That manages to crack through the serious mask on Eva’s face and she reciprocates with a small smile of her own and a little head shake. “What if I do?”

“Then I’d be really sad,” he says.

“Well, I guess I have to cancel on that hot barista guy then. I couldn’t possibly leave in good consciences now.”

Again Eva manages to make him crack a painful laugh. “No wait a minute,” he says seriously. “How hot are we talking?”

“Pretty damn hot,” Eva says

“On a scale of one to ten, with me being ten and—let’s say the pervy beer guy being one, how hot would you rate him, truthfully?”

Eva looks like she’s giving the question a serious thought, tapping at her bottom lip with her index finger as she lets out a soft hmm. “Well,” she says finally, looking at Chris straight in the eye, “Not nearly as hot as you.”

And Chris is left internally floundering. There she goes again always leaving him in a constant state of disarray and speechlessness.

Instead of answering though, he reaches up to cup the side of her cheek gently, all while maintaining the intense eye contact, running his thumb across her cheeks.

“You’re the most beautiful though, Eva. And smart, and funny and the kindest person I’ve ever met,” he says truthfully.

Eva’s cheeks flush at the compliment and she immediately turns to look away, a sheepish smile playing at her lips, but Chris’ palm is still cupping her face and he doesn’t allow her to turn away.

“That’s the painkillers talking,” she says, still looking everywhere else but Chris’ eyes.

“I wouldn’t be in pain if the painkillers were still in effect,” Chris says truthfully, trying to catch Eva’s gaze as her eyes dart nervously at everything in the room except him. “Why don’t you believe me?”

The question stills her.

“It’s not that,” she says, trailing off unsurely. “Just—uh, I guess people just don’t tell me that very often.”

Chris’ smile drops slightly at the statement. “Well, they must have been blind as well as stupid,” he says confidently. “And it’s their loss.”

Eva runs her tongue over the bottom of her lips nervously and Chris can’t stop himself from staring. “Thanks,” she says, finally looking up to meet his eyes.

“No,” he replies. “Thank _you_ , Eva, for—well, for everything.”

The silence descends again but neither Chris nor Eva could tear their gazes away from each other. Chris is laying on his back, propped up on a couple of pillows and Eva is on her side, leaning on her elbow beside him, her head slightly tilted and her long brown hair cascading down past her shoulder to brush against his arm.

Chris can feel the tension in the room hovering, it isn’t a bad kind of feeling just—apparent. He feels his breath quickening inside his chest though he tries not to be too obvious about it; Eva is still cool as a cucumber, her eyes intense and focused on him, on his face, he notices the way they trail down to his own lips every so often and he can barely hold back the smile. He’s never been the holding back kind of guy, but with Eva he feels like it’s never his place to take the first step, so he waits for her to…do something, or make the first move, because the aura pulsating around them makes it clear that something is about to happen.

Without a word or even a warning, Eva lowers herself down slightly to catch his lips in a kiss. Chris’ fingers find themselves tangled in a mess of brown hair soon enough as he feels hands reaching up to grab at the back of his neck and head with just as much ferocity. He feels himself almost being pushed deeper into the pillows behind him by Eva’s body pressed against his. His ribs are screaming at him but he blocks out the noise by circling his other arm around Eva’s body, pulling her closer against him.

The kiss lasts about seven hours, or at least that’s how long it feels like. In truth it was probably only about thirty seconds. But eventually they pull apart, a mess of tangles limbs and flustered cheeks and red, swollen lips, panting hard. If kissing and sex weren’t such enjoyable past times, he’s sure the human race would have died out a long time ago. Even though Eva looks as dishevelled as he probably does, there’s a calmness about her that he finds relaxing and the feeling that also makes him pleased. Eva being happy also makes him happy because that’s the most important thing.

“You really know how to leave a guy speechless,” he says after they’ve both managed to catch their breath.

Eva is running her fingers through her hair in an effort to smooth it down and he finds himself doing the same.

“How are your ribs?” Eva asks instead, like it just occurred to her that sandwiching a guy with broken ribs with her body might not have been such a good idea.

“I’ll survive,” he says. “Plus I’m sure they’ll understand when I explain the situation. They’ll be glad to take one for the team.”

Eva chuckles and Chris doesn’t think he’s heard a sweeter sound.

“Asshole,” she mutters under her breath, but returns to her position cuddled against him, reaching across to hug him around the chest and resting her head comfortably on his shoulder. Chris in return, reaches around to hold her against him with a strong arm. The other one gently massaging a bit of relief into his aching side.

“Where did William run off to though? He hasn’t come to be a nuisance in hours and honestly I’m getting quite concerned.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s with Noora—ahem, catching up,” Eva says.

“Yeah…pretty sure they’re doing a lot of that,” Chris says. “Speaking of which—”

“No,” Eva says dismissively before he could even finish what he was about to say.

“But Eva—”

“No,” she says with a much stricter tone. “You’re injured and the doctor himself said not to do anything strenuous for at least the next couple of weeks or so.”

“Eva—”

“Chris— _no_.”

“Ugh,” he groans petulantly, letting the hand caressing Eva’s shoulder gently drop down onto the bed with a defeated _plop_.

Eva seems to take pity on his disappointment. “After you’re fully healed though, then maybe we can revisit this conversation.”

That immediately cheers him up and his hand returns to its original position caressing her side gently. “Promise?”

“I promise,” she says, teasingly enunciating every syllable as she turns her head up to smile cheekily at him.

He returns the smile immediately.

Before long, the combination of the calm and quiet atmosphere of the room at the warm bedfellow at his side, Chris find himself being lulled into the welcoming arms of sleep. His finger keeps on tracing indistinct shapes on Eva’s arm and her side as his eyes start getting heavier and heavier and before long he doesn’t recall anything anymore.

Eva senses the moment Chris actually drifts off. His breathing evens out and the movement of his hand and fingers just stop. It’s relaxing laying there just listening to the sound of his soft breaths and looking at the rise and fall of his chest. His shirt had ridden up a little during their little make out and Eva can’t stop staring at the edges of the jagged scars peeking out from under the hem of his shirt. Two of them: the one that caused all the problems and the other one that was trying to fix everything it did. They were still reddish and raw and painful looking even after eight days and Eva stops herself from reaching over to run her fingers over them.  It wasn’t her place.

She hears the sound of an incoming message on her phone and carefully shifts her body to the side, laying Chris’ hand back down on the mattress gently before she kicks her feet over the ledge and sits up, reaching for the offending thing.

It’s a message from William.

 _How is he?_ It said.

_He just fell asleep. I think he’ll be out for a couple of hours._

_K._

It’s a short reply that Eva doesn’t answer and just puts the phone away on the side table before she turns to look at the sleeping Chris beside her.

A lot has changed in the last week or so; most of the changes seem to be between the two of them and the rest feels like it’s within her own self. She came to that realization sometime within the last couple of days. On the inside she felt… _lighter_ , somehow; more at ease and maybe even a little happier. She doesn’t know how much of that is because of Chris, but she suspects that he’s the majority reason. If someone had said that to her last year, she would probably have laughed.

 _Penetrator Chris_ of all people. Not just any regular Penetrator, arguably the second most infamous of the Penetrators, of not _the_ most infamous. Personally Eva always found William rather overrated considering all the attention he got from girls from all walks of life, including her own group of friends. She would admit to realizing his charms after they started to get to know each other better though but it still always astounded Eva that people were gunning for William when Chris was standing right there.

The point is, Penetrator Chris of all people, with _her_ of all people.

Little ol’ Eva with her low self-esteem and trust issues; but in her defence, Jonas never really gave her any solid reason to trust him fully. She should have realized it at the time. She might have stolen Jonas from Ingrid, but it wasn’t like Jonas was an unwilling participant in the whole thing. Sana said to her once that you can’t steal a person who didn’t already want to go in the first place.

But Chris never pretended to be anything other than what people thought he was and all the girls that got with him knew what they were getting themselves into. But Eva’s come to see that he’s so much more than that, everything he truly was you could see if you put in a little effort to scratch below the surface.

Eva didn’t just scratch the surface with him though, she broke out the fucking hoe, one might argue in more ways than one.

Her and Chris, huh?

For the first time, she thinks that the description sounds just about right.

In the distance she hears the sound of the front door opening and the sliver of light shining into the room through the crack under the bedroom door but she doesn’t move from her position. She looks at Chris for a few seconds longer in silence before slowly lowering herself back into her original spot. But she keeps her eyes on Chris’s face, reaching over with one hand to gently caress his cheek with her thumb, causing him to stir slightly but without waking up.

She stares at his closed eyes, his lips, slightly parted, the breaths he’s inhaling and exhaling, and the movement of the rise and fall of his chest under her palm. She finds herself whispering, “I love you,” into the silence without expecting an acknowledging response in return.

Chris sleeps on.

Eventually Eva tucks herself snugly into his side, tucking one hand under her chin and the other reaching the rest of the way to embrace him before she too feels the lull of sleep wash over her like a cloud and before long there is nothing.

Chris doesn’t know how long he’s asleep for. The sky is dark out when he opens his eyes and Eva is fast asleep against his side so he doesn’t dare move to reach over and check the clock on his phone. It must have been a couple of hours at least.

He doesn’t know if it was because he stirred too suddenly, but he feels Eva rousing beside him before her bleary eyes turn up to look at him.

“Hey there,” she greets with raspy voice and a sleepy smile.

“Hey yourself, sleepyhead,” he says, his voice groggy from sleep as he reaches up to rub at his eyes with the hand that isn’t holding onto Eva.

They continue lying there in silence for a few additional minutes just allowing their bleary minds to readjust and the drowsiness to work its way out. Waking up from a nap could sometimes be more tiring than not sleeping in the first place.

“Had a good sleep?” Eva asks after a while and a good long, refreshing stretch across the length of the bed.

“It was, until I woke up,” Chris says with a sigh, trying to blink away the sleepiness still clouding his mind. “How am I more exhausted now than I was before actually sleeping?”

“Rules of the universe I guess,” Eva adjusts herself to rest her chin on his shoulder and looks up at him while he arm reaches across to circle protectively around his torso.

“I’m tired of sleeping,” he says. “And I’m tired of being tired all the time.”

“You went through something traumatic, Chris. Your body just needs time to heal,” she says, making the situation sound much simpler than it really is.

“Easier said than done. I’m just bored out of my fucking mind right now,” he says. “Plus I think William may have been murdered or kidnapped because that’s literally the only explanation I can think of. This is so not like him. I think I need to put out a missing person’s report.”

Eva laughs through her yawn.

“Relax. He messaged me asking about you earlier. I told him you were asleep. So to disprove your first point, I’m sure William is still very much alive.”

“He and Noora must really be getting it on though.”

“Honestly, I don’t even want to know.”

“Since we’re on the subject—”

“Shut up, Chris.”

“You’re very mean, you know that?”

“It comes with the brainy part. You just have to accept it.”

Chris laughs at that.

There’s a ping of a new incoming message. It’s not his phone so he assumes it’s Eva’s. Eva doesn’t rush to read it though so he assumes it’s nothing urgent. “You know, I’m getting kind of hungry,” she says.

“Unless someone went grocery shopping today, I don’t think we have any food in the house though.”

“Take-out?” Eva suggests.

“You can use my phone,” he says.

Eva seems like she’s mentally debating something before she replies. “Come on,” she says eventually, scooting across to the side of the mattress and getting to her feet. “Let’s go check the kitchen first before we waste money if we don’t have to.”

“You go ahead,” he says. Already the thought of leaving the safe, warm comfort of the bed and trudging all the way to the kitchen didn’t seem like an appealing prospect whatsoever.

“Chris,” Eva chides gently. “It’s dark outside. You’re really going to make me walk all the way through the dark apartment by myself, at night? What kind of boyfriend are you?”

Chris’ mind immediately zeros in on the word _boyfriend_ , but he doesn’t point it out. “The kitchen is literally five meters away, in a straight line. The only bogeyman that lives here hasn’t been home in hours.”

“Chris,” Eva says again, almost in a whine. As if pronouncing his name longer and longer each time was going to convince him to change his mind.

He really didn’t want to get up. Everything fucking hurt and he regrets not taking his pain pills before he went to sleep, because he’s both sore and stiff at the moment, it was a very uncomfortable state to be in. “Eva,” he mimics the tone. “I’m tired.”

“You just said that you’re tired of being tired, so do something about it.”

Yes, he did just say that. Chris kicks himself mentally for that.

With a loud exhale and a groan, he pushes himself up by his elbow, his left arms still curled protectively around his side and scoots slowly over to the edge of the bed, letting his legs dangle down to the cold floor as he attempts to catch his breath.

A guilty look flashes across Eva’s face for a split second but he doesn’t call attention to it. “Are you still really hungry?” he asks, doing his best impression of a kicked puppy looking up at her.

Eva takes a considerable amount of time answering that. She bites her lower lip and all of a sudden looks much more noticeably guilty, obviously realizing what she was asking of him. Her ‘yes’ is small and sheepish and guilty and all of a sudden Chris feels like kind of an asshole for the way he was acting.

He pushes himself to his feet slowly and with a groan but Eva is there at his side immediately; reaching around to hold him by the waist and pulling his arm across her shoulder to steady him.

“Ready?” he asks, more of a courtesy because he definitely wasn’t. His kitchen might as well be on the opposite end of town for all the effort he was about to put into the journey.

“Are you?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

And so they begin their journey, their pathetically slow and painful journey across those five meters to the kitchen. The hallway is pitch black when they exit the bright bedroom and so is the living room and the rest of the house.

“Now I’m _really_ concerned about, William,” he says as he looks around at the obvious lack of life in the rest of the apartment.

“He’s fine,” Eva says almost a little too confidently, like she knows something he doesn’t.

For one thing, she doesn’t move to turn on the light in the hallways when they pass by the switch. Secondly, her focus, even in the pitch blackness doesn’t seem to be on what’s immediately in front of her. And thirdly, she’s strangely quiet. Even by Eva levels of quiet. Something smelled fishy.

His living room is before the kitchen if you’re coming from the bedroom, it isn’t an important detail to know except for the fact that he feels Eva’s steps slowing down and becoming more hesitant the closer they get to the archway that leads to the darkened area.

“You okay?” he asks, turning to look at the silhouette of her profile in the darkness.

“Yeah,” she says. “I just thought I heard something.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Just—uh, like something moving, but I’m sure it’s nothing.”

Chris is definitely sure it’s nothing. He isn’t a big believer in ghosts or the supernatural or whatever, but at the same time he isn’t a nonbeliever. He knows that there probably are things in the world that they couldn’t yet explain. Including but not limited to the whereabouts of one William Magnusson.

He’s going to start calling him William Missingson if he keeps this up though.

They halt completely by the entrance of the living room and Eva casts an unreadable look into the darkness. Her look is unreadable mainly because they’re in pitch fucking darkness and he can’t see shit besides the feint glow of the moonlight streaming in through the window and the shadows standing against its backdrop.

“Eva?”

Eva is silent for a brief moment.

In the next instance though, Chris thinks he might have been deafened and blinded at the same time because all of a sudden there’s a burst of brightness that detonates his corneas and the sound of a myriad of voices shouting indistinctly at him. Additionally, the soothing baritone of Frank Sinatra singing ‘Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ playing in the background.

Eventually Chris’ brain manages to decipher the wall of words coming at him from every which way at a variety of frequencies to make out the phrase, “Merry Christmas!” being shouted at him.

Right there in the middle of fray, leading the charge, a too wide dorky grin on his stupid face is William not-so-Missingson-anymore.

He’s holding up a glass of an indistinct looking liquid in toast; Noora, also grinning widely, glued loyally to his side. Scattered around him in groups of two’s and three’s, spread out across the span of the living room; all of them seemingly just popped out from behind a piece of furniture are the guys he’s arguably too familiar with, the few people that he considers friends, a handful that he just kind of knows and the rest he’s pretty sure are friends of Eva’s that he’s probably seen around or heard of.

Before his brain can even begin to formulate words or even find the necessary cells needed to signal his face to close his mouth and lower his eyebrows from his hairline where they’re undoubtedly found themselves lodged in, he finds William’s annoyingly smiley face almost right there in front of his. He didn’t even notice him walking up.

“Merry Christmas,” he says a bit too chipper for Chris’ taste.

“Wha—Wh—The fu—Wher—What the fuck?” he knows he’s gaping stupidly at everything, but it’s like his brain has momentarily stopped working.

“It’s just a little Christmas party, man,” William says, as if it explains even a fraction of the questions running through Chris mind at that moment.

“W—Why?” he asks, because he genuinely can’t begin to comprehend the sight he’s seeing with his own two eyes.

“Cause…” William starts, looking away from Chris for a moment, sharing a look with Eva and looking out at the company of people who’d just started mingling with each other, before returning his eyes back to Chris. “Because you deserve it and because we all needed this. This—” he motions out to the whole room with a sweep of his arm, “—this joy.”

And Chris finds himself speechless once again. Beside him Eva is silent, though he finds her eyes on him and a smile on her face when he turns his eyes to look at her.

“He’s right,” she says. “You, me, William; _everyone_ needs this right now.” She trails off for a moment before adding in a quieter voice. “It’s the Kose party we didn’t get to enjoy together.”

Chris looks between Eva and William, then at Noora who just walked up, circling an arm around Williams waist as the edges of her lips curl into a smile. He glances out at the rest of the people in the room, hearing the sounds of merry chatter over the music still playing soothingly in the background; the large Christmas tree in the corner decorated with colourful glass balls and the little lights flickering between colours and what seems to be a giant paper mâché dildo sitting at the very tip.

That gives him momentary pause, before he moves onto the people and the all the familiar faces he sees smiling around him. He recognizes nearly a dozen or so of the Penetrators, Erik in the back with Borkis currently making eyes at the redheaded girl he doesn’t recognize, getting promptly thwarted by Noora’s gay roommate and his sparkly silver leggings. He recognizes Isak and his little group of friends and his tall blonde boyfriend he thinks is named Even. Rounding up the rag-tag bunch of people currently filling his living room to the gills are Eva’s crew sitting around the sofa whispering conspiratorially to each other.

“You shouldn’t have,” he finds himself saying. “This is just—this is all—you shouldn’t have gone through the trouble.” He tries not to get choked up but he can feel himself failing.

“It’s no trouble at all.” It’s Noora who says that, smiling brightly.

“Yeah,” William picks up the statement with a nod. “Because you’re worth all of this,” he says, and there’s an intensity in his eyes and a desperation in his voice when he says that. “It was Eva’s idea actually,” William adds after a moment, letting his last comment stand for a while before changing the subject.

Chris immediately looks at Eva after William says that and finds Eva’s blushing face looking back at him. There’s a small smile on her face but she looks more sheepish than proud at the admission. “Yeah, but William and Noora are the ones who did all the work.”

“Only because you had the idea first,” Noora says. “Work is work, but this party wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for you, Eva.”

“Guys…” Eva says though her words trail away into silence and she avoids making eye contact with anyone.

Chris makes the first move this time though, the arm already slung over Eva’s shoulder turning her around gently and he grabs her around her free shoulders with his other hand, pulling her into a tight embrace, almost curving his body over her small figure as he burrows his face into her hair. “Thank you,” he whispers into her ear. He doesn’t see her reaction, but he imagines her eyes widening, and maybe tearing up slightly because that was the aura she was giving off; eventually he feels smaller arms circling him around the waist, grasping onto the material of the back of his shirt and grasping onto him just as tight. “I love you,” he adds, even more quietly, a phrase that’s just for her ears. This time he feels her reaction; her body stilling in his embrace and the sound of sniffling close to his ear. He feels her nails nearly digging into the skin of his back because that was how firm her grip was behind his back.

This time William and Noora have thankfully taken their leave to go re-join the rest of the group, leaving Eva and Chris to their relative privacy in the room currently packed with people.

They stand there in the embrace for a solid minute before Chris hears a muttering that sounds like Eva’s voice, only approximately three times quieter as usual.

“I love you too,” she says back and this time he’s the one who stills.

They pull apart a fraction, just enough to be able to look each other in the eye after the confession. Chris doesn’t think he’s ever uttered those words to anything that isn’t a plate of food so all this is just really new to him. Judging from Eva’s reaction, maybe it is to her too.

That is until a third voice rather exasperatedly joins the fray and spoils the mood.

“Oi, I’d say get a room, but I’m here to fucking party.”

It’s Cool Chris. She’s cool, so Chris doesn’t even really mind the interruption.

Eva is laughing while simultaneously glaring daggers at her friend from across the room and trying to be discreet about it. But they step out of the embrace eventually, though they return to their original position with Eva at his side keeping him steady and him at Eva’s side trying not to face plant from the effort of standing upright for this long.

“Then lets party,” he says with a forced cheer. The reality is that he really, really needs to sit down. Eva can tell and so can William who walks back over while the rest of the room breaks into a round of cheers.

“C’mon,” Eva beckons him to the sofa where the rest of the girls are sitting around; Sana is as usual surveying everyone around her through a critical eye, though when he and Eva approach, she’s the first one to get to her feet to offer her seat to him.

He plops down with a thank you that he isn’t sure made it past the part of his brain that thinks of things to say to the part of his body that actually says the words.

“No problem,” Sana says which confirms that he had indeed said the words aloud.

“So, how are you enjoying the party?” it’s Eva’s chipper blonde friend asking from beside him.

“It’s…very lively,” he says.

“I mean, I know it’s not the usual Penetrator type party, especially when Christmas party time is pretty much over and there aren’t that many girls here and there’s no actual alcohol, but it’s just friends here having a good time, isn’t that just the cosiest?” she says as more of a statement than a question requiring an answer, and after he manged to decipher what she actually said, he really can’t find anything wrong in what she said.

“It is very cosy,” he says with a small smile and her face just lights up at his reply. “Also what do you mean there’s no actual alcohol?”

“Uh—well, it was Eva’s rule and William agreed.”

Chris immediately snaps his attention towards Eva. “A party without alcohol? Girl, I thought I knew you.”

That immediately breaks Eva out of the shell of silence she’d gotten trapped in after their unexpected declaration of love earlier. “Excuse me? Need I remind you that that was the doctors’ orders? I thought it’d be easier on you if we all went without alcohol for this one night.”

He was about to say something to that, though even he wasn’t sure what dumb thing was about to come out of his mouth when he opened it to reply, but he’s saved by a friendly grasp on his shoulder and Erik’s familiar voice sounding from somewhere behind him. “Bro, the things we do for you. I don’t think I’ve ever been legitimately sober at a party before in my life.”

“Ringing in the incoming New Year with a lot of firsts I guess,” Borkis says; a deep statement made much less impactful by the fact that he’s currently wearing sunglasses indoors— _at night_ , before he hauls Erik by the elbow and they both stumble away chuckling at something Erik had said.

“We do have eggnog though,” Vilde says like a consolation prize.

“Yippee.”

“Ignore him,” Eva says, addressing her friends, looking much more like the Eva he’s used to seeing with the excess of colour now clear from her cheek. “I’m going to go get us some eggnog,” she says to him directly. “You can drink it or you can not drink it, it’s up to you.”

“I’ll drink whatever you give me, dear,” he says with a wink, causing the blush to return to Eva’s cheeks before she hurriedly rushes off, a grinning Vilde following close behind.

Cool Chris who had been uncharacteristically quiet through the whole exchange gets to her feet. “Chris,” she says with a nod.

“Chris,” he acknowledges with a nod in return.

And then she too trudges off after Eva and Vilde. With Noora still glued to William’s side somewhere in the midst of the party, he’s left alone with Sana studying him critically from the single seater sofa to his right.

“So…” he starts, trailing off into awkwardness soon after. “Not here for the eggnog?”

“Not a fan,” she says simply and straight to the point.

“O-kay,” he says.

“You know what I’m even less of a fan of?”

“I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

“People who hurt my friends,” she says, her face the epitome of calm serenity.

Chris is torn between feeling happy that Eva obviously has a group of friends that love her just as much as she loved them and feeling really fucking intimidated, because frankly, he’s feeling both at the moment. “I won’t,” he says. “Or rather, I don’t want to.”

Sana seems to consider his answer but at the end, she actually smiles, and Chris releases the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

“Good. I’ll keep you to your word.”

“What about you?” Chris finds himself asking. “Do you have anyone that your friends need to make thinly veiled threats against?”

“No.”

Her answer comes way too quick and way too dismissive.

Chris finds himself grinning. “You do,” he teases, a feeling of pride swells up inside him when he sees Sana looking actually flustered for the first time ever. He didn’t think that was even possible.

“What’s his name? Do you friends know him—or, do your friends even _know_?”

“Shut up.”

“Damn, that’s pretty cold.” He finds himself actually laughing at her reaction.

“What’s cold?” he hears Eva’s voice asking, turning just in time to see her approaching with two small round glasses in hand.

“The weather,” he says at the same time he hears Sana’s voice saying, “Nothing.”

Eva looks strangely between the two of them but before she can bring up any of the questions that obviously floating around in her head, he finds himself on his feet faster than he thought was possible for him given his current pitiful state.

“Come on, let’s go look at the tree.” He drags her off, her gaze still glancing between him and Sana who is pointedly looking away before she can even voice her objection.

They pass by three Penetrators, two cheery Merry Christmas wishes and a hilariously big mistletoe hanging off a dude’s silver legging covered junk before they actually reach their destination. The tree is even more eclectic looking up close and there are way more handmade sex toys hanging off it than Chris initially thought.

“I made this one,” Eva points out a small golden Christmas tree hanging innocuously in the side.

“Cute. Who made the uh—the—” he motions to the erect pink penis decorating the tree top like a silent protector with his thumb.

Eva nearly face palms though she’s snickering. “Chris made that,” she says. “I don’t know what it is with Chris’ and sex. It’s like there’s a direct correlation between sex and all their other interests.” 

Chris laughs at that. “I don’t know what you mean. Also, I knew there was reason I liked her,” he says, feeling his tongue subconsciously find the outer corner of his lips through his grin. It’s something he does involuntary whenever he feels the most comfortable.

“I like when you do that,” Eva says, eliciting a questioning ‘ _huh’_ from him. “The tongue thing; I like it when you do it. I think it’s a little hot.”

Chris’ grin widens. “You think it’s hot?” he asks, feeling a distinct sense of déjà vu about the exchange. It’s pleasant and nice, made even better by his present company and the relaxed chatter going on around him. “I guess you really do just like me for my body.”

“Damn, I guess I’ve been found out.”

“Speaking of body—”

“I swear Chris, I _will_ hit you.”

“Okay, okay. Girls are just so violent nowadays.”

They continue looking at the tree in silence for a rather hilariously long time. The more Chris studies it though the more little things and new details he starts to notice, such as the suspicious looking decorated condom hanging almost right at the very back, like someone adamantly wanted that thing there but didn’t want to be too obvious about it.

“Did you make that one too?” he asks, pointing a finger at the rather vulgar decoration hiding among the pine needles.

Eva squints a little to look at what he’s pointing at and when she finally notices it, she lets out exasperated groan and a shout of “Eskild!” that’s heard even over the music and the all conversations happening.

But Eskild doesn’t seem ruffled in the slightest by her tone. He continues on shaking his money-maker to the music that so obviously didn’t fit the style of dance he’s going for; the mistletoe now hanging from the back of his pants moving in an almost hypnotizing manner with the sway of his hips.

“I swear that guy has no shame.”

“Well I can see how you’re both friends then.”

Eva elbows him once in the arm, but they’re both smiling light heartedly.

“Also if I have to keep holding onto these two cups of eggnog any longer I’m going to start charging a fee.” He’s about to reach over to grab one of the cups when she pulls it away, her face slightly more serious than it was two seconds ago. “Let’s have a seat first. I’m getting a little tired from having to stand here holding these two heavy cups by myself,” she says.

Chris knows she’s just doing a really bad job at covering up her actual concern and the fact that she wants to go sit down has everything to do with him looking like he’s about to keel over at any minute. Truthfully, he wasn’t even feeling that badly until he just thought about it. It felt like gravity was trying its hardest to pull his insides down into his left knee.

They find William lounging on the sofa when they get back, his legs crossed at the knee and an arm slung over Noora’s shoulder, currently involved in a seemingly deep conversation with Sana who’s still occupying the single seater sofa like it’s her own throne.

“But seriously, what would one person need with eight pallets of toilet paper?” he hears William ask when they get closer.

“I don’t know. Did you think I asked? Maybe he jerks off a lot,” Sana says, talking to William with a tone one usually reserved for petulant two year olds who won’t stop asking dumb questions.

The undoubtedly thrilling conversation halts when they walk up, and William who notices their approach first immediately gets to his feet.

“You okay?” he asks right of the bat.

“Yes, I’m okay. Would you please stop asking me that? I’m not about to keel over at any moment you know. It’s getting annoying.”

“Chris,” William chides gently and Chris folds like paper.

“Fine. I need to sit down,” he says and that’s about as much weakness about how terrible he’s currently feeling at the moment as he’s willing to admit.

William immediately moves to give him room to pass and Noora scoots over to the edge of the three seater to make space for him and Eva.

The moment his butt drops onto the soft cushion he tries not to moan with relief. Who knew being upright could be so exhausting. Being injured is both exhausting and annoying. Being injured with four people looking on worriedly at him is even more exhausting and annoying.

“Enough,” he orders. “Fine, I admit I’m still not a hundred percent, but all of you hovering and treating me with kid gloves isn’t helping _any_ , so stop it.” He leans back into the backrest of the sofa and flings an arm out to cover his eyes.

He can feel the tension in the silence that ensues. The seat beside him dips slightly and he smells the gentle waft of Eva’s shampoo as she leans in close to him, a hand rubbing his thigh in a comforting manner.

“I’m sorry,” he hears William say, there’s regret in his voice and a feeling of guilt bubbles up inside him. “I didn’t realize we were doing that. We’re just worried about you.”

Chris exhales once and removes his arm, sitting up straighter to address William, who’s now perched on the arm rest beside him. “I know. I’m sorry too. I’m just—tired of everyone tip-toeing around me. What happened sucks, but it isn’t like I’m just going to suddenly drop dead. But every time someone starts fussing I kind of feel like I am. I just want everyone to be— _normal_.”

“Okay,” William agrees, reaching over to place his hand on Chris’ shoulder.

“So anyway, the toilet paper guy,” Sana says suddenly, attracting all the attention back to her. “He’s either a serial masturbator, or he’s leaving them scattered around the house in a planned madness sort of way in case of an alien invasion.”

“Sana,” Noora chides through a chuckle.

“I thought Muslim girls were supposed to be demure and soft-spoken,” William says though he isn’t unamused by her comment.

Sana rolls her eyes and scoffs. “You should get out more, William. The world extends much further than the length of your undoubtedly overpriced bed.”

Everyone laughs out loud at that, even William.

Chris spares Sana an appreciative nod for the change of subject that is discretely reciprocated and the atmosphere around them is much more relaxed after that.

“Chris,” Eva calls him suddenly when the conversation trails off to a different subject between Sana and William that Chris can’t be bothered to concentrate on. “I was wondering, if—uh, if, when you’re free—or if you want to anyway…that we could—if you want—we could have dinner maybe, sometime, at my house when my mom’s home?”

Chris sits up straighter at that. He must have been high because it sounded like Eva just implied that she wanted to invite him to dinner and introduce him to her mom. It was the first offer of its kind that he thinks he’s ever received.

It’s…touching.

She stutters out quickly when he doesn’t answer for a second too long; “I mean, if you don’t want to it’s totally fine. I know we’re just—”

“Eva,” he interrupts her mid stutter. “I’d love to,” he says earnestly.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Really.”

“Good. I mean, _great_. My mom’s always busy so I don’t know when she’ll actually be around though.”

“It’s fine, just tell me whenever, and I’ll be there.”

“Great,” she says with a wide smile that immediately brightens up her whole face.

Chris finds himself unable to look away because it’s like he just realized how beautiful she really is. He’s always found her pretty, but nowadays he thinks that she’s even more than that. She just takes his breath away every time.

“You wanna hear something funny?” William asks after it becomes apparent that his conversation with Sana had ended a while ago and that the three of them have been eavesdropping on their conversation the whole time. “I’ve actually already been introduced to Eva’s mom.”

“What?” Eva exclaims confusedly while Chris can only raise his eyebrows in surprise.

“Yeah. When I came over to pick up—umm, you know who for—you know...”

“Shit,” Eva grins. “I completely forgot. Remember Noora, when you guys snuck out of my room drunk off your ass that time when Vilde…you know.”

Noora laughs a boisterous laugh when she recalls the exact memory. “Oh my god, I remember.”

“Am I missing something?” Sana asks, looking to Chris for an explanation but getting only a similarly confused shrug in return.

“Yeah, same here,” he says.

“You weren’t there Sana,” Noora says. “Basically Vilde was in preparation to sacrifice her virginity to our dear William here—”

“Anyway!” William interrupts quickly. “I met Eva’s mom at the door and we were introduced. It wasn’t all that funny or all that long. Let’s move on.”

“No, no, no,” Chris objects with a raised hand. “I’m still intrigued.” From the chair to his right he hears Sana’s supportive, “As am I.”

“I’m with William on this one,” Eva says. “That was really all there was. By the way, my mom said you were handsome enough for an average looking guy,” she says with a shrug at William and a not at all apologetic smirk. “Sorry.”

Noora bursts out into laughter and William actually looks genuinely hurt by her words, but Chris finds the whole thing too hilarious to even think about comforting his friend. Even Sana is laughing and Chris can’t help but look around at this unlikely group of people he somehow found himself smack dab in the middle of;

The most amazing girl he’s ever met on his arm; snuggled against his side though her attention is on Noora beside her clutching onto her arm and burrowing her face in her shoulder in laughter. At the unlikeliest of allies he ever thought he’d find sitting just a few feet away; her headscarf, a piece of clothing he’d found so intimidating before, but right now he didn’t even see it past the wide dimpled smile she was wearing as an even more apparent accessory.

He looks at the various people spread out across his living room; familiar Penetrators friends and the guys like Isak and Jonas (despite their rather rocky history) that he’d truthfully grown to like over the course of the last year or so. He looks at the girls that he isn’t really all that familiar with, but the fact that they’re here now, immediately put them on Chris’ good side, and at Cool Chris who is truthfully one of the coolest people he knows.

Finally he looks at William at his side; for the first time it truly felt like he had William at _his_ side instead of him constantly being at Williams side. His best friend, his bro; his family. Maybe even more important to him than his own flesh and blood because William has always been there for him. Sure sometimes he gets side tracked by other shiny things, but Chris never holds it against him for long; he really can’t, because William is one of the best things that’s ever happened to him.

Lastly, he looks at the gorgeous, amazing girl at his other side. He wonders how he managed to find himself in this position with the girl he doesn’t think he really deserves, the best friend he considers more important than life itself and all the people who have somehow broken through his impenetrable wall and made themselves completely at home in his tiny metaphorical and literal apartment. At that moment he thinks he really is the luckiest person in the world.

Family isn’t just the people you came from or the people who share the same blood. Family can be people who come into your life and just stay, through the problems and the drama and the heartache and the fights. Family are people who have your back and pull you up off the ground when you can’t seem to muster up the strength to do it yourself. Family can be just a collection of people that you allowed in when it was hard letting other people see how broken you really were on the inside. It doesn’t make it any less precious or any less important, it just makes it a family that you chose for yourself.

Without warning, he grabs Eva by the shoulder and kisses her once and passionately right on the mouth.

Eve is flustered when he pulls back and everyone else can just look on gobsmacked but to Chris, things have never felt more right.

 

* * *

 

 

**THE END**

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are more then welcome and appreciated :)
> 
> Anyone who wants can find me on tumblr at reivenesque.


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